Radio for Men Who Can’t Get Laid

Because he’s so freaking obese, Rush Limbaugh probably hasn’t seen his own penis since he was seven years old—but, since “faith is the evidence of things unseen,” he knows it’s down there, and in 2007 he was stopped at the airport in Santo Domingo, The Dominican Republic, for trying to smuggle 25 Viagra pills into the country in a purposely mis-labelled vial.  He was travelling with three other (presumably heterosexual) men for what many people speculated was “sex tourism.”

When the news hit the airwaves, America was not stunned.

You didn’t need to hear his grotesquely nerd-y attack on a Georgetown college student today—he called her a “slut” and a “prostitute” for using birth-control, and slobbered that if she wanted insurance companies to pay for her pills “we want something for it—we want to watch”—to know that Rush Limbaugh is radio for men who can’t get laid.  I have never met a Rush Limbaugh fan who felt genuinely comfortable around women.  They tend to be cabdrivers slowly drinking themselves out of a job, or dyspeptic storm-door salesmen, or, at best, third-rate golf pros.

For one thing, unless my sexual radar has been seriously degraded, one look at Susan Flook, the Georgetown student in question, would cast doubt on Limbaugh’s “slut” reading.  She comes across as solemn, dignified,  and sober—even “prim,” and I mean that in a good way—and if Limbaugh spends his Viagra-fueled energy hitting on the Susan Flooks of the world, it’s no wonder he’s got to invest in Dominican sure things.

But, like other men who can’t get laid, Limbaugh obviously loathes women.  Any woman who’d use contraception is a “slut,” which presumably includes his mother.  Certainly his own ex-wives are “prostitutes”, since his marriages produced no children—but also because it’s highly doubtful any woman would marry him except to milk him of millions in the inevitable divorce.

And we hardly need to go deep-Freudian to analyze the man who cointed the term “femi-Nazis.”  For men like Limbaugh, every tingle of that unseen penis down below is a summons to be tortured. .. At the very moment that the Viagra kicks in, he’s terrified that he’ll be laughed at, even by the hookers.

It’s creepy to think how hot he must get when he thinks about the new law in Virginia forcing women to get ultrasound imaging before they can have abortions.  Man…just imagine those “sluts”..and those trans-vaginal ultrasound wands!

And this is the man who dwells in the very soul of the Republican Party.

John Eskow is a writer and musician. He wrote or co-wrote the movies Air America, The Mask of Zorro, and Pink Cadillac, as well as the novel Smokestack Lightning. He can be reached at: johneskow@yahoo.com


More articles by:

John Eskow is a writer and musician. He wrote or co-wrote the movies Air America, The Mask of Zorro, and Pink Cadillac, as well as the novel Smokestack Lightning. He is a contributor to Killing Trayvons: an Anthology of American Violence. He can be reached at: johneskow@yahoo.com

Weekend Edition
April 20, 2018
Friday - Sunday
Paul Street
Ruling Class Operatives Say the Darndest Things: On Devils Known and Not
Conn Hallinan
The Great Game Comes to Syria
Jeffrey St. Clair
Roaming Charges: Mother of War
Andrew Levine
“How Come?” Questions
Doug Noble
A Tale of Two Atrocities: Douma and Gaza
Kenneth Surin
The Blight of Ukania
Howard Lisnoff
How James Comey Became the Strange New Hero of the Liberals
William Blum
Anti-Empire Report: Unseen Persons
Lawrence Davidson
Missiles Over Damascus
Patrick Cockburn
The Plight of the Yazidi of Afrin
Pete Dolack
Fooled again? Trump Trade Policy Elevates Corporate Power
Stan Cox
For Climate Mobilization, Look to 1960s Vietnam Before Turning to 1940s America
William Hawes
Global Weirding
Dan Glazebrook
World War is Still in the Cards
Nick Pemberton
In Defense of Cardi B: Beyond Bourgeois PC Culture
Ishmael Reed
Hollywood’s Last Days?
Peter Certo
There Was Nothing Humanitarian About Our Strikes on Syria
Dean Baker
China’s “Currency Devaluation Game”
Ann Garrison
Why Don’t We All Vote to Commit International Crimes?
LEJ Rachell
The Baddest Black Power Artist You Never Heard Of
Lawrence Ware
All Hell Broke Out in Oklahoma
Franklin Lamb
Tehran’s Syria: Lebanon Colonization Project is Collapsing
Donny Swanson
Janus v. AFSCME: What’s It All About?
Will Podmore
Brexit and the Windrush Britons
Brian Saady
Boehner’s Marijuana Lobbying is Symptomatic of Special-Interest Problem
Julian Vigo
Google’s Delisting and Censorship of Information
Patrick Walker
Political Dynamite: Poor People’s Campaign and the Movement for a People’s Party
Fred Gardner
Medical Board to MDs: Emphasize Dangers of Marijuana
Rob Seimetz
We Must Stand In Solidarity With Eric Reid
Missy Comley Beattie
Remembering Barbara Bush
Wim Laven
Teaching Peace in a Time of Hate
Thomas Knapp
Freedom is Winning in the Encryption Arms Race
Mir Alikhan
There Won’t be Peace in Afghanistan Until There’s Peace in Kashmir
Robert Koehler
Playing War in Syria
Tamara Pearson
US Shootings: Gun Industry Killing More People Overseas
John Feffer
Trump’s Trade War is About Trump Not China
Morris Pearl
Why the Census Shouldn’t Ask About Citizenship
Ralph Nader
Bill Curry on the Move against Public Corruption
Josh Hoxie
Five Tax Myths Debunked
Leslie Mullin
Democratic Space in Adverse Times: Milestone at Haiti’s University of the Aristide Foundation
Louis Proyect
Syria and Neo-McCarthyism
Dean Baker
Finance 202 Meets Economics 101
Abel Cohen
Forget Gun Control, Try Bullet Control
Robert Fantina
“Damascus Time:” An Iranian Movie
David Yearsley
Bach and Taxes