Shakeup At CNN! A Fly on the Wall

(MCCORMICK & SCHMICK’S SEAFOOD & STEAKS RESTAURANT, CNN CENTER, ATLANTA. TWO CNN EXECUTIVES ARE DINING)

Ex A: You’d think that they’d fire Lemon.

Ex B: Must be this affirmative action shit.

Ex. A: He was so drunk that he missed the midnight New Years’ countdown.

Ex B: Guy has no class. He had his mom prop him up.

Ex A: The old broad looked like she’d knocked back more drinks than him.

Ex B: When are they going to have enough of Don Lemon?

Ex A: Who the fuck knows?

Ex B: Glad they took him off prime time.

Ex A: Put him on in the morning with the girls (Laughter). The ratings are in the tank, while “Morning Joe,” the rival show, is soaring.

Ex B: That Black Lives Matter shit was driving me crazy.

Ex A: You ain’t the only one. Between him and that negress.

Ex B: Which one?

Ex A: The chubby one.

Ex B: Well, they thought they’d calm her down by adding some panelists, but she’s still throwing her weight around like a mad cow.

Ex A: Licht has brought in some people from our side. For balance.

Ex B: Couldn’t they have gotten someone better than Jonah Goldberg? What a dullard. The guy has the personality of a penny nobody bothers to pick up. He only got noticed because his mom caught Clinton with his britches down.

Ex A: Yeah, well, we had our own Clinton problem.

Ex B: You talking about Zuker?

Ex A: Guy couldn’t keep his zipper up. I’m glad that his ass is gone.

Ex B: Me too. He’s the one who brought all of the BLM babies in.

Ex A: Well, he did elect Trump.

Ex B: That’s true. I give him that.

Ex A: Jake Tapper is running that hour where Lemon and Cuomo used to jerk each other off.

Ex B: (Whispers) I heard that Zuker resigned because Chris Cuomo sicced the mob on him in retaliation for Zuker firing him for sexual harassment when Zuker had his own squeeze on the side. I wouldn’t put it past those Guineas! Chris is suing CNN.

Ex A: You mean Ferdo.

Ex B: Right! (Lengthy laughter.)

Ex A: Scott Jennings has been given more time. Scott and Jake Tapper are just the kind of Alpha guys we need.

Ex B: Jake has the narrator’s voice who used to do the Superman radio shows. He appeals to the demographic that we need to stay on the air. Otherwise, O.J. will have to kill somebody.

Ex A: I heard that.

Ishmael Reed’s latest play is “The Conductor.”