• Monthly
  • $25
  • $50
  • $100
  • $other
  • use PayPal

CounterPunch needs you. piggybank-icon You need us. The cost of keeping the site alive and running is growing fast, as more and more readers visit. We want you to stick around, but it eats up bandwidth and costs us a bundle. Help us reach our modest goal (we are half way there!) so we can keep CounterPunch going. Donate today!
FacebookTwitterRedditEmail

Trump’s Penis: Is It Presidential?

Photo source Marc Nozell | CC BY 2.0

Donald Trump’s sex life is nobody’s business but his own. And maybe Melania’s, if her Pre-Nuptial Agreement (PNA) stipulates that she can sue his fat ass for divorce and receive a huge percentage of his rumored wealth if he cheats on her, too often.

Like the Non-Disclosure Agreement (NDA) Trump’s fixer, Michael Cohen, signed with porn star Stormy Daniels (who had a quickie with Trump in 2006), prenups and private goon squads are standard fare for people of wealth.

But is Trump wealthy? And if so, where did he get his cash?

Some people say he laundered about $400 million in drug money for the Israeli Mafia’s Russian franchise back in the early 1990’s, in exchange for everything he ever wanted. I don’t know if that’s a fact. That’s what I hear. People say it. Maybe somebody like Robert Mueller should investigate?

Fox News says the president isn’t mobbed up, that everyone in New York City has to work with the Mafia if they want a hotel constructed on time. And that could be true.

But what is Truth? It’s impossible to tell anymore.

The Truth could be that either the Deep State or the Israeli Mafia is forcing Trump to do many terrible things he doesn’t really want to do. Like deep-sixing the Iran deal. Somebody’s fingerprints are all over that baby’s behind. Maybe Michael Cohen knows? Somebody should ask him.

Trump is obviously a victim of either the Deep State or the Israeli Mafia and its American franchise. You choose. But consider this: On the same day Trump scrapped the Iran deal, someone said that Russian billionaire Victor Vekselberg (who just happens to be Putin’s BFF) wired $500,000 into a bank account that hatchet man Cohen (who doubles as Trump’s real estate broker) set up for the purpose of issuing the $130,000 hush payment to Stormy Daniels.

I don’t know if that’s true. Sean Hannity says it isn’t true. Rudy Giuliani says it might be true, and that it doesn’t matter even if it is True, because people of wealth often set up shell companies to hide their business dealings from the Public Eye, which is their right as people of wealth.

According to Giuliani, setting up shell companies is a trick people of wealth learned from either the Israeli Mafia or the CIA. Though it could be the other way around.

Another one of Trump’s prerogatives as a person of wealth is the right to charge people money to play with him. Trump’s business consultant, Michael Cohen (who may work for the Israeli Mafia, I don’t know), funnels such “pay to play” money into the same bank accounts he, Cohen, uses to pay off the women Trump has casual and unsatisfactory (for them )sex with.

BTW, I forgot to mention it, but Vekselberg’s cousin, American citizen Andrew Intrater, donated $250,000 to Trump’s inauguration fund.

Rhetorical question: What could somebody do with $250,000? Answer: pay off two prostitutes!

Somebody in the Deep State (which, according to Hannity, is the code name for the Justice Department) knows about this, but let’s it happen, because Trump is, after all, a person of wealth with certain rights to privacy.

Did you know that Vekselberg, Intrater, Trump, and Putin are all rumored to have inks to the Chabad movement? Don’t ask me what the Chabad is because I don’t know. And even if I did know, I couldn’t tell you. And if I told you, I’d have to kill you. I can tell you this: people say it’s itching for war with Iran. These are the same people who spread certain rumors someone else should investigate.

Personally, I’m not into spreading rumors, but “Disposable” Jared Kushner supposedly has links to Chabad. Or maybe it isn’t Kushner. Maybe it’s Trump’s BFF Jason Greenblatt, who is someone I know nothing about. How could I know? No one tells me anything. I just listen to Fox News and react.

What do I know about Trump’s personal affairs and business dealings? What do I know about anything? I think the Deep State could be Fake News.

For all I know, the MOSSAD runs the Israeli Mafia and has photos of Trump’s Golden Showers moment in Moscow. Forget Putin. That’s what I say. But what do I know? I hear rumors. For all I know, Trump could be the secret head of the Deep State on someone’s behalf.  Someone mysterious. Like Benjamin NutAndYahoo!

Believe me, I value my life and I’m not going to step on that Third Rail. Somebody (maybe Trump, maybe Cohen, who knows?) may have a good squad. One of somebody’s goons threatened Stormy Daniels. I’m not saying anything about that!  I’m just saying that Trump won’t release his tax returns, which sort of implies that he’s connected to either the Israeli Mafia or the Deep State, which I’m told are indistinguishable and merge somewhere in the upper underworld, aka the Treasury Department. And if that’s true, then Treasury Secretary Steve Munchkin rules the world.

Bottom Line: It’s hard to know much of anything factual about Trump. Which is why we must pay homage now to porn star Stormy Daniels for revealing the Truth about his penis size.

In the unstable, uncertain Spectacle of innumerable, intertwining, and overlapping universes we call Home, this fact is indisputable: Donald Trump has a midget dick. 

Stormy, who whipped Trump’s fat ass with a copy of Trump Magazine back in 2006, is an eyewitness to The Thing. When asked by Penthouse to compare his penis size to “his fingers,” Daniels said, “I don’t want to shame anybody.”

The woman has compassion. But, in other words, our president is hung like a mouse. Which explains everything we need to know about his behavior.

Exactly how small is Trump’s teenie weenie? That I don’t know. Maybe the MOSSAD knows? Maybe Ivanka knows?

Just saying…

One last thing about Trump’s personal life, which I admit is none of my business. When asked if sex with The Donald was good, Daniels replied, “What do you think?”

She doesn’t want to think about it. Who would? Who would want to fuck the Pope of Fools?

More articles by:

bernie-the-sandernistas-cover-344x550

Weekend Edition
May 24, 2019
Friday - Sunday
Rob Urie
Iran, Venezuela and the Throes of Empire
Melvin Goodman
The Dangerous Demise of Disarmament
Jeffrey St. Clair
“The Army Ain’t No Place for a Black Man:” How the Wolf Got Caged
Richard Moser
War is War on Mother Earth
Andrew Levine
The (Small-d) Democrat’s Dilemma
Russell Mokhiber
The Boeing Way: Blaming Dead Pilots
Rev. William Alberts
Gaslighters of God
Phyllis Bennis
The Amputation Crisis in Gaza: a US-Funded Atrocity
David Rosen
21st Century Conglomerate Trusts 
Jonathan Latham
As a GMO Stunt, Professor Tasted a Pesticide and Gave It to Students
Binoy Kampmark
The Espionage Act and Julian Assange
Kathy Deacon
Liberals Fall Into Line: a Recurring Phenomenon
Jill Richardson
The Disparity Behind Anti-Abortion Laws
Kollibri terre Sonnenblume
Chelsea Manning is Showing Us What Real Resistance Looks Like
Zhivko Illeieff
Russiagate and the Dry Rot in American Journalism
Norman Solomon
Will Biden’s Dog Whistles for Racism Catch Up with Him?
Yanis Varoufakis
The Left Refuses to Get Its Act Together in the Face of Neofascism
Lawrence Davidson
Senator Schumer’s Divine Mission
Thomas Knapp
War Crimes Pardons: A Terrible Memorial Day Idea
Renee Parsons
Dump Bolton before He Starts the Next War
Yves Engler
Canada’s Meddling in Venezuela
Katie Singer
Controlling 5G: A Course in Obstacles
Evaggelos Vallianatos
The Beauty of Trees
Jesse Jackson
Extremist Laws, Like Alabama’s, Will Hit Poor Women the Hardest
Andrew Bacevich
The “Forever Wars” Enshrined
Ron Jacobs
Another One Moves On: Roz Payne, Presente!
Christopher Brauchli
The Offal Office
Daniel Falcone
Where the ‘Democratic Left’ Goes to Die: Staten Island NYC and the Forgotten Primaries   
Julia Paley
Life After Deportation
Sarah Anderson
America Needs a Long-Term Care Program for Seniors
Seiji Yamada – John Witeck
Stop U.S. Funding for Human Rights Abuses in the Philippines
Shane Doyle, A.J. Not Afraid and Adrian Bird, Jr.
The Crazy Mountains Deserve Preservation
Charlie Nash
Will Generation Z Introduce a Wizard Renaissance?
Ron Ridenour
Denmark Peace-Justice Conference Based on Activism in Many Countries
Douglas Bevington
Why California’s Costly (and Destructive) Logging Plan for Wildfires Will Fail
Gary Leupp
“Escalating Tensions” with Iran
Jonathan Power
Making the World More Equal
Cesar Chelala
The Social Burden of Depression in Japan
Stephen Cooper
Imbibe Culture and Consciousness with Cocoa Tea (The Interview)
Stacy Bannerman
End This Hidden Threat to Military Families
Kevin Basl
Time to Rethink That POW/MIA Flag
Nicky Reid
Pledging Allegiance to the Divided States of America
Louis Proyect
A Second Look at Neflix
Martin Billheimer
Closed Shave: T. O. Bobe, the Girl and Curl
David Yearsley
Hard Bop and Bezos’ Balls
FacebookTwitterRedditEmail