Joe Biden’s Fabulous Fool’s Peace

Oh sweet lord Satan, is this it? Is this really how it ends? With Joe Biden struggling to pronounce Pashtun words on badly shuffled cue cards. Is this it? After twenty long years that could only accurately be described as goddamned, is this finally mercifully it? Twenty years! Twenty years in Afghanistan! Has it really only been twenty years? It feels more like forty or four hundred. Twenty years. Twenty years of drone strikes and bombing hospitals and wedding parties. Twenty years of digging graves for men who came home broken but alive. Twenty years of propping up dope lords, rapists, and pederasts. Twenty years of insisting that such beasts were moderates in the business of women’s lib. Twenty years of stacking corpses too high to accurately count the dead. Higher than those merciless mountains standing like gallows made from god’s serrated fangs. Twenty years of the longest war in America’s storied history of geostrategic bloodletting.

And now you say it’s over? Poof! Just like that. With a wave of Lady Liberties extinguished torch, with a wave of Joe Biden’s bony finger, this is how it ends? With that sad broken old fool of a death merchant announcing that he may be the fourth president to preside over this atrocity but he will also be the last. And just like that, on September 11, 2021, this forever nightmare is over. Yeah, I’m not fucking buying it either.

For starters, this plan carries the bizarre distinction of being a peace deal that violates a preexisting peace deal. Donald Trump’s diplomatic wunderkind, Zalmay Khalilzad broke his back doing back flips over buzz saws in Doha to get the Taliban killing machine to agree to a cease fire, and for an entire year, those grizzled imperium slayers sustained from murdering a single solitary pig-dog American based on the promise that we would finally fuck off by May 1, 2021. It was all set and ready to go. All the work had already been done. And Biden just drops in and wipes his ass with the thing, and for what? Another four months and a photo-op? You’re gonna put our precious boys and girls in uniform on the chopping block for that? Why? Seriously, what the literal fuck?

But that’s not all folks! Biden’s little speech, and that is indeed all this peace plan amounts too, a speech from a killer in Depends, promised the removal of all US and NATO coalition troops. It said absolutely nothing about the Pentagon’s 13,000 contract killers. It said nothing about the unknown number of CIA agents and black-ops operatives active in country. It said nothing about the lethal air war that kills more women and children than all the M4’s and AK’s combined. Peace? What fucking peace? This thing that has been pompously promised to us isn’t peace. It’s a lie. Fool’s peace. If I were just a little more paranoid, I might suspect that this deal was designed to fail. Then again, is that really so far fetched considering the Biden regime’s hundred day history of duplicitous diplomacy?

If I could boil Joe Biden’s fool’s peace doctrine down to an easy formula, I would say it goes something like this. Make a great big ambiguously worded media friendly peace announcement without ever signing anything on paper. While those imbeciles in the Fourth Estate fawn over the majesty of geriatric Camelot, stall and drag your feet on what few details you provided and leave ample room for tax funded third parties to sabotage the thing. Then once the other side loses patience with this nonsense and lashes out, blame them from your high horse for spoiling your glorious peace offering and continue the violent status quo with the newly minted pedigree of “Hey man, we tried.” Like I said, this would all sound paranoid even to a tinfoil hat Yippie like me if we hadn’t done it twice already.

We did it with Yemen, where Biden made another vague and flowery speech about ending all American support for ‘offensive’ Saudi military operations in the region while promising a commitment to aid in that psychopathic kingdoms defense against their victims. Since then there has been virtually zero discernable change in our involvement with that ghastly holocaust. The Saudis continue to pulverize Yemen with American war toys and the United States continues to aid those butchers in their decidedly offensive blockade which threatens to starve children under the age of 5 in the hundreds of thousands. And as if that weren’t diabolical enough, we simultaneously deny the very existence of a blockade while fingering our own puppet in exile, Abdrabbuh Mansur Hadi for the the crime that isn’t happening. And naturally, every time a Houthi gets lucky enough to nail a Saudi gas station we blame them for not being serious about peace.

And we’re doing the same goddamn thing to Iran. Biden ran on restoring the 2015 JCPOA Nuclear Deal that Trump unilaterally violated. But the moment Biden shuffles into office, he finds all kinds of reasons to keep the Trump era sanctions cooking. Meanwhile, Iran is left economically crippled while COVID ravages their people like blanket-born small pocks and Israel chucks cyber terrorist attacks at them like tomahawks. Under those dire conditions, Iran has seen it fit to raise plutonium levels to grades never even attempted before. Contrary to Biden’s campaign promises, relations have gotten worse with Tehran even while we engage in pussyfooting peace talks through EU negotiators.

What the shit? Can we just have Trump back? At least he trampled on peace deals without all the crazy mind games. But that’s what Joe Biden’s fabulous fool’s peace is really all about, achieving the same stupid results while looking smart doing it. You see, nothing substantial ever really changes with America’s foreign policy. The same unelected professional war mongers maintain their footing in the Pentagon, State Department, and the CIA. The same goals are always in place, dismantle the Muslims, isolate the Chinese, and destroy the Russians. What American’s vote for is the PR team for these hellacious shenanigans, and with Biden they hired the same clean up crew that made America look professional again after 8 years of Bush overplaying his hand in Iraq. What we’re seeing now is another session of imperial cleanup after Trump’s single term abortion. That’s what you idiots really voted for, the propaganda of a lesser evil.

What? You didn’t think they were serious about change, did you? Silly Americans, democracy is for kids. Peace is for tinfoil hat Yippies like me. But I’ll keep ranting if you keep reading.

Nicky Reid is an agoraphobic anarcho-genderqueer gonzo blogger from Central Pennsylvania and assistant editor for Attack the System. You can find her online at Exile in Happy Valley.

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