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Falwell Falls

Arch Evangelical Jerry Falwell, Jr. has fallen from grace—and he didn’t fall well.

He literally fell down drunk, hitting his head on a trashcan, after he was forced to resign as president and chancellor of Liberty University—a fully accredited American college that teaches “creation science,” the idea that Earth was created 5,000 years ago, and forbids its students from indulging in alcohol or any kind of sex outside of marriage.

Liberty was founded by Jerry, Jr.’s Dad, the late Reverend Jerry Falwell, Sr., a.k.a. Mr. “Moral Majority,” the rabid reactionary segregationist Southern Baptist pastor and Reagan-boosting televangelist who put rightwing Evangelicals squarely on the political map, planting the seeds of White Christian Nationalism now blooming under the least Christ-like President ever and his piously hateful Veep.

There were a few triggers for Junior’s demise, all containing a sexual element that would have been excoriated by Falwell, Sr… if he hadn’t crossed over to the Promised Land in a sudden attack—no, not of conscience, but of cardiac arrhythmia in 2007.

One such trigger was Jerry, Jr.’s exposure as a cuckold engaged in a three-way relationship with his “hot wife” Becki and a Miami pool boy named Giancarlo Granda (called a “bull” in the world of modern consensual cuckoldry). Though Jerry likes to describe Becki and Giancarlo as “cheating,” the bull has got the goods.

Photos, receipts and phone records make it clear as the heavens above that Falwell set up the sex the same way he set up the deal for the Fontainebleu Hotel pool attendant to acquire part ownership in a building Falwell purchased containing an LGBTQ-friendly youth hostel, restaurant and liquor store.

As Giancarlo describes their fateful first meeting at the pool, “Becki [Falwell] approached me and invited me back to their hotel room to have sex while Jerry watched… After that night, Becki actively pursued me.”

Sounds like the sex was divinely inspired.

Thus, Jerry Falwell, Jr. joins the swelling ranks of prominent Trumpus-loving cucks-who-deny-their-cucks, including Paul Manafort and Roger Stone.

Unlike tweeting racist memes or calling a COVID-concerned parent of one of his students a “dummy,” Falwell’s cuckold scandal was a bridge too far for Liberty.

Then there’s that viral “yacht” photo of Falwell, Jr. jauntily posed with his pants unzipped, prosperous belly protruding, glass of dark liquid in hand, which he cheekily described as “just black water… I promise.” Looks like a Black Russian… straight up Orthodox, of course.

“Falwell Unzipped!” would be enough of a Fundamentalist Christian crisis, but his arm (the one without the drink) is wrapped cozily around a smiling woman who is not his wife, her shorts similarly unfurled.

Heaven forfend!

Nothing wrong with unzipping as you unwind, indulging in a little erotic play among friends or consensual cuckolding with pool attendants, at least not in this sexologist’s not-so-humble opinion.

However, this sort of natural, slightly kinky, bonoboësque behavior becomes a big issue when you regularly thump the Bible, support anti-sex legislation and preach to your tender, trusting flock that sex should only be for procreation purposes between husband and wife. Jerry Junior isn’t a pastor like Dad was, but as president and chancellor, he was the spiritual leader of Liberty, and he certainly cashed in, making millions off devout Christian students who yearned so badly to believe.

Furthermore, Granda’s accusations of the Falwells “grooming” him for his bull role at the tender, albeit legal, age of 20, are pretty disturbing.

All in all, the whole duplicitous, sordid cluster-church qualifies as the 2020 textbook definition of religious hypocrisy.

So, it’s Good News to see Falwell fall like an untrained aerialist who had a few too many Black Russians tumbling off the high wire into a puddle of poop.

That’s a metaphor; there’s no evidence (yet) that the Evangelical scion is into brown showers. Just “black water.” Wait, isn’t Blackwater the former name of the nefarious private military company owned by tRump’s Education Secretary Betsy Devos’ brother Erik Prince that serviced Born-Again Bushie’s faith-based Perma Wars? Yep, this Crusade’s been going on for years.

Falwell’s fall is especially good news since, back in 2016, his support (secured by Disloyal Drumpf henchman Michael Cohen whose Mafia-lite intimidation skillset helped Falwell keep Granda quiet for a few years) got Trumpty Dumpty the White Evangelical vote—from one trashcan to another—even after the notorious “pussy-grabber” video emerged.

Apparently, the Combover Caligula is worthy of their worship—as long as he remakes the Supreme Court in the image of his favorite female body type (“stacked”) —but Jerry Unzipped is a liability.

Now that they’ve fallen—literally and figuratively—maybe Jerry and Becki will make cuckold porn.

I’d watch it!

Though they might need another bull. Granda’s ascent from pool boy to part owner of that gay hostel to scandal celebrity has probably made his current rate higher than a fallen Falwell can afford.

Of course, they could repent and be born again. America loves a comeback, and Evangelicals often adore a sinner who swears off the sin and returns to the faith with even greater gusto.

On the other hand, it would be nice if, after Falwell’s head heals (there was “a lot of blood”), he sobers up a bit and gets into some good sex therapy and/or relationship counseling. Then he could announce that he and Becki are a polyamorous, swinging or cuckolding couple (I’ll leave the kink descriptor for them to work out), and withdraw his support for Proud Boy-Loving, Pussy-Grabbing Don the Con.

I’m not holding my breath, but stranger things have happened in the whacky world of sex, religion, politics and cuckoldry.

P.S: Let’s tax the churches—and all houses of religion. They are not unbiased sanctuaries of spiritual worship. They are financial juggernauts powering political vehicles that are often driven by drunks.

Susan Block, Ph.D., a.k.a. “Dr. Suzy,” is a world renowned LA sex therapist, author of The Bonobo Way: The Evolution of Peace through Pleasure and horny housewife, occasionally seen on HBO and other channels. For information and speaking engagements, call 626-461-5950. Email her at drsusanblock@gmail.com  

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