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Enter John Bolton: Bringer of Doom

Generally speaking, the cabinet of one Donald J. Trump has been a veritable rogues gallery of lunatics and imbeciles, a revolving door of dangerously disturbed dilettantes who seem to be the invention of some fevered SNL employ on the ass end of a bad acid trip. Who could forget the foot gobbling antics of the king of panic, John Spicer, the dreamy-eyed dominionist mysticism of billionaire bible thumper, Betsy Devos, or the near comatose mumblings of that hammer swinging Thorazine addict, Ben Carson?

Then there’s the scary ones. The Hannibal Lecter’s of Donny’s TV Funhouse: The Goebbels-esque Rasputin of the alt-right, Steve Bannon. The cross burning DARE jihadist, Beauregard Sessions. The bullet-headed desk-chair wedding butcher, Mad Dog Mattis. Not to mention a craven coven of other trigger-happy ex-officers like John Kelly and H.R. McMaster, the latter being the latest victim of a long line of irate Trump shit-cannings. On the one hand, it couldn’t have happened to a nicer piece of shit. On the other, his replacement takes the cake as the single most deranged creature to grace the administration-who-couldn’t-shoot-straight with his malevolent presence, the reigning king of neocon lunacy, John Bolton.

For those of you who aren’t familiar with Mr. Bolton’sblood-spatteredd resume, let me introduce you to one of Satan’s finer prototypes for the Antichrist. The man is one of the least apologetic architects of the Iraq War, which has gone down in history as the single most moronically suicidal military cluster-fucks since the Third Reich crossed the Danube. He spent a jarringly brief stint as the Ambassador to the UN before being chased out of the Beltway by both parties with pitchforks and torches like Frankenstein’s monster in a rare feat of bipartisan sanity.

Since then, Mr. Bolton has served the twin roles, as Fox New’s resident doom sayer, advocating the preemptive military strike as a solution to every conceivable problem from the Venezuelan constitutional crisis to autism, and as America’s leading lobbyist for spooky Persian death cult, Mujahideen-e-Khalq (MEK), a terrorist organization that has earned comparisons to the Khmer Rouge for their zeal for civilian body-counts. Recently Bolton has become best known as the leading advocate for solving the Korean problem Hiroshima-style, which makes his new position as Trump’s National Security Adviser a month before historic peace talks with the Kim Regime are set to take place more than a little troubling.

Personally, I believe that Bolton’s presence probably won’t have a big affect on Trump’s position in regards to Korea. The North and South are making peace whether Bolton likes it or not and the only way for Trump to turn this rebellion against American hegemony into a win is to photobomb the handshake then tell the naysayers that even crazy Old-Man Bolton has his back. The real danger here is and always has been Iran.

Both the Donald and Bolton have been outspoken advocates of total war against the Islamic State for years and, as I’ve stated above, Bolton has the connections to make this nightmare a reality. This, I believe, is part of the reason for Trump’s sudden lust for peace on the DMZ. If he can take credit for a historical peace deal it will make it just that much easier to go to war with Tehran before the 2020 elections, giving Trump the wartime presidential kick he’ll need to beat a neoliberal crypt-keeper like Joe Biden.

I shouldn’t have to tell you, dearest motherfuckers, that this would be a humanitarian disaster the likes of which we’ve never seen. Unlike the infamously dodgy regime of former Reagan playmate Saddam Hussein, the Islamic Republic represents the regions one semi-successful popular revolution and the only stable bulwark to Saudi Arabia and Israel’s plans to expand the Red Sea with an ocean of blood that stretches to the peaks of the Hindu Kush and beyond. Any war with Iran will also be a war with Putin’s Russia, who may have taken our Syrian escapade on the chin (relatively speaking) but would sooner dance with Dr. Strangelove than see their number one allie in the region left to the mercy of the psychopaths in the MEK.

So… yeah, dearest motherfuckers, we’re kind of fucked here. In spite of his recent election year isolationist ramblings, Trump is too far in hoc to Sheldon Adelson and Crown Prince Bin Salman to abandon the Iran project now and Bolton is just the cheerleader to keep his scatter brain on course. Our best hope is that John Bolton’s own notoriously colossal ego clashes with Trump’s and gets his Loony-Tune ass canned before he can effect any irreparable damage. Otherwise it’s ‘goodnight John-Boy’ for Iran and ‘hello nuclear holocaust’ for the rest of us. This is where we’re at in this year of our lord, twenty-hundred-and-eighteen; praying for the whims of a malignant narcissist to save us from a diplomatic serial killer. And people ask me why I’m an anarchist….

Keep your fingers crossed, dearest motherfuckers. The days are getting longer but the shit just keeps getting darker.

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Nicky Reid is an agoraphobic anarcho-genderqueer gonzo blogger from Central Pennsylvania. You can find him online at Exile in Happy Valley.

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