FacebookTwitterGoogle+RedditEmail

Tiger Max, Evel Denny, Buffalo Brian and Mini-Max Jon

Montana politics are fun again! It seems like eons since we were amused by bald-faced buffoonery by the likes of former U.S. Rep. Marlenee and former U.S. Sen. Conrad Burns.

Sure, we’ve had 35 years of consistently reliable incoherence from U.S. Sen. Max Baucus in his natural mental state. And, the captivating antics of U.S. Rep. Denny Rehberg, in his alcohol-induced “wild and crazy guy” state.

But, it’s been a full five and a half years since Rehberg visited Kazakhstan, drank six shots of vodka, called the locals “coneheads,” fell off a horse, and broke his ribs. And, a full 27 years since Baucus traded in then-wife Ann Geracimos for now-former-wife Wanda Minge. Pretty boring.

Of course, Baucus has since achieved stardom inside the Beltway for raking in more special-interest money than any other senator. Last year, Baucus raised $12 million, much of it from industries he “regulates,” with 87 percent coming from non-Montanans.

Baucus is also infamous for his staff’s incessant “revolving door” relationship with K Street. Over two dozen former Baucus employees now lobby for the pharmaceutical and health insurance industries. Was anyone really surprised when Baucus sold us out on health care? But, hey, that’s politics. Again, pretty boring stuff.

In the past, Montanans have cut Baucus a lot of slack, due to his awkwardness and speech impediments. But, Baucus’s inherent ineptitude is now a topic of national discussion, due to his spectacularly disastrous flameout regarding health insurance.

However, to the fickle public, predictable machinations like caving on health care apparently don’t hold a candle to personal proclivities. Who would have guessed that Baucus would pull a Tiger Woods concerning his wife and his girlfriend? But, you’ve got to hand it to Woods. At least, Tiger never nominated his mistress to be head of the PGA Tour.

As for Rehberg, drinking too much, insulting locals, falling off something, and breaking bones is one thing in Kazakhstan, but quite another at home. A boatload of inebriated Republicans revelers roaring their 22-foot-long craft at 4,000 rpm and 40-45 miles per hour straight into the shoreline of Flathead Lake is bound to receive a bit more media coverage.

By doing an Evel Knievel (whose 37 broken bones earned him a revered entry in the Guinness Book of World Records) last August, Rehberg demonstrated with profundity the “cojones” necessary to win the demographically-significant and much-coveted Butte alcoholic vote.

Add to this, our effervescent Gov. Brian Schweitzer bragging that, “No governor in Montana history has sent more bison to slaughter than this governor,” in reference to the senseless killing of more than 2,800 of the imperiled last remaining wild migrating bison in the world.

After his sycophancy before the Montana Stockgrowers Association, “Buffalo Brian” then quickly elbowed his way to be the Last Best Passenger on board the Tester Logging Bill Hindenburg.

For the past couple of years, U.S. Sen. Jon Tester has been OK fulfilling his designated role as “mini-Max,” quietly focusing on veterans’ affairs, and subscribing to Baucus’s tutelage that securing corporate cash from inside-the-Beltway lobbyists is of superior import than audaciously standing up for cashless commoners from far-off Montana hinterlands.

But, in pushing a bill projected to cost hundreds of millions of dollars in taxpayer subsidies for industrial-scale logging of national forests that have NO commercial timberlands, “mini-Max” Tester has now also established himself as worthy of commemoration in the pantheon of politicians. Even the U.S. Forest Service, which never saw a timber sale it didn’t like, had to oppose mini-Max’s largesse for a mere four timber corporations.

In retrospect, 2009 was a great year! “Tiger Woods” Baucus, “Evel Knievel” Rehberg, “Buffalo Brian” Schweitzer, and “mini-Max” Tester – thanks to their selfless toils, Montana at long last regained its rightful place on the national political radar screen.

PAUL RICHARDS a Boulder, Montana area businessman and former member of the Montana House of Representatives, ran for the U.S. Senate in 2006. Founder of the Deerlodge Forest Defense Fund, he served for many years as an official member of the Deerlodge National Forest Technical Advisory Committee. He can be reached at: paul@prmediaconsultants.com

 

More articles by:
August 20, 2018
Carl Boggs
The Road to Disaster?
James Munson
“Not With a Bomb, But a Whimper” … Then More Bombs.
Jonathan Cook
Corbyn’s Labour Party is Being Made to Fail –By Design
Robert Fisk
A US Trade War With Turkey Over a Pastor? Don’t Believe It
Howard Lisnoff
The Mass Media’s Outrage at Trump: Why the Surprise?
Faisal Khan
A British Muslim’s Perspective on the Burkha Debate
Andrew Kahn
Inhumanity Above the Clouds
Dan Glazebrook
Trump’s New Financial War on the Global South
George Wuerthner
Why the Gallatin Range Deserves Protection
Ted Rall
Is Trump a Brand-New Weird Existential Threat? No.
Sheldon Richman
For the Love of Reason
Susie Day
Why Pundits Scare Me
Dean Baker
Does France’s Economy Need to Be Renewed?
Weekend Edition
August 17, 2018
Friday - Sunday
Daniel Wolff
The Aretha Dialogue
Nick Pemberton
Donald Trump and the Rise of Patriotism 
Joseph Natoli
First Amendment Rights and the Court of Popular Opinion
Andrew Levine
Midterms 2018: What’s There to Hope For?
Robert Hunziker
Hothouse Earth
Jeffrey St. Clair
Roaming Charges: Running Out of Fools
Ajamu Baraka
Opposing Bipartisan Warmongering is Defending Human Rights of the Poor and Working Class
Paul Street
Corporate Media: the Enemy of the People
David Macaray
Trump and the Sex Tape
CJ Hopkins
Where Have All the Nazis Gone?
Daniel Falcone
The Future of NATO: an Interview With Richard Falk
Cesar Chelala
The Historic Responsibility of the Catholic Church
Ron Jacobs
The Barbarism of US Immigration Policy
Kenneth Surin
In Shanghai
William Camacaro - Frederick B. Mills
The Military Option Against Venezuela in the “Year of the Americas”
Nancy Kurshan
The Whole World Was Watching: Chicago ’68, Revisited
Robert Fantina
Yemeni and Palestinian Children
Alexandra Isfahani-Hammond
Orcas and Other-Than-Human Grief
Shoshana Fine – Thomas Lindemann
Migrants Deaths: European Democracies and the Right to Not Protect?
Paul Edwards
Totally Irrusianal
Thomas Knapp
Murphy’s Law: Big Tech Must Serve as Censorship Subcontractors
Mark Ashwill
More Demons Unleashed After Fulbright University Vietnam Official Drops Rhetorical Bombshells
Ralph Nader
Going Fundamental Eludes Congressional Progressives
Hans-Armin Ohlmann
My Longest Day: How World War II Ended for My Family
Matthew Funke
The Nordic Countries Aren’t Socialist
Daniel Warner
Tiger Woods, Donald Trump and Crime and Punishment
Dave Lindorff
Mainstream Media Hypocrisy on Display
Jeff Cohen
Democrats Gather in Chicago: Elite Party or Party of the People?
Victor Grossman
Stand Up With New Hope in Germany?
Christopher Brauchli
A Family Affair
Jill Richardson
Profiting From Poison
Patrick Bobilin
Moving the Margins
FacebookTwitterGoogle+RedditEmail