An Oath for Hypocrites

Do you feel plagued by things like the plague?

Do you want to maintain the appearance of being a kind person who considers others, but need a shortcut to the superficial appearance of morality? Do you enjoy conspiracies that back up every world view that you already have, but not require any need for proof, other than an entry that begins:  “I bet you won’t share this!” on Facebook?

And most importantly of all–are you unabashedly pro-life?

Required pro-life legal disclaimer (won’t be necessary when we get enough Liberty University attorneys out there) *not pro-life in the instance of unnecessary war casualties, deaths brought on by regime change or sanctions, not pro-life in the event of death by poverty, lack of medical insurance, not pro-life in the event of death through removed safety laws regarding the toxic manufacture of well, toxins, not pro-life in the event of death by spewed mucus secretions on your person for freedom in Golden Corral, not pro-life in terms of ensuring viability of livable planet in next 23.4 years, not pro-life in the event of your staying alive for any and all reasons.

Now that we’ve made the lawyers happy, let’s talk about pro-life. It’s a fantastic concept—you can get involved in dictating the sexuality of others (and isn’t it annoying that others are having sex out there that you can’t control?). Instead of result based actions, like universal healthcare with no-cost birth control, you can maneuver the poors into untenable situations where long-term planning and austerity is only for them, not for you (if you have wealth and/or a congressional intern needing an abortion, numerous options exist, do not be concerned that the laws will be used against you). It’s fun to see what  they come up with when they have an unplanned pregnancy. Like a reality tv show you can watch in real-time and go “tsk, tsk, tsk”.

So there’s your veneer, your cover—now lets get to the nuts and bolts of this for those of us you want to encourage this worldview in our supporters. We just need you all out there behaving as good little commodities. Human Disposable Units. The politicians, the Elon Musks….those who need to have an army of supporters become the equivalent of a passenger in the backseat. You can cover their view of the windows with a paste on meadow for them to look at while traveling. Drive them miles down a road they can’t see and when they arrive at their destination.  Well they will be in Bumblefuck,Unincorporated. Elevation—lower than you can imagine. Town motto: You don’t gotta wear a mask cause CO2 gonna eat your face. They will be so far down the road, they won’t even see their way back. They will be lost in every way that matters. It’s truly an *updog situation.

So now it’s been done. It’s 1984 finally without that damn MTV never playing enough videos at a time after the rocket. Up is down, death is life. Freedom is mine, but your life isn’t yours.

So call yourself pro-life. Get all upset when people have gay sex, make people have babies when they don’t have money and don’t wear a mask. It’s the American way. And whine your ass off when you get sick and expect a millennial or zoomer to take care of your old incontinent ass.

*What’s updog? Well, truly a need to go back to societal foundations of serenity and love, found in the tenets of yoga. Nah, I meant to say not much,** what’s up with you dog? .

**I’m so sorry.

Kathleen Wallace writes out of the US Midwest.