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The Decree of the Capitalist God

Photo by Surian Soosay | CC BY 2.0

While we were once given a savior who was known as supply side Jesus, sadly it seems the people have again forgotten the holy word. More youth than ever are becoming heretics to the sacred economic texts, but despite these frightening developments not all is lost, for imbued within me is light of understanding from our holy lord, the one true capitalist god; Praise be!

In a revelatory dream state I made blessed communion with the divine father, our money bags authoritarian sky daddy. Twas made known I was to be the chosen one; the supreme messenger of his word and to bring an enlightened capitalist perspective to the ignorant indolent masses who do not honor our sacred father. To be pure of heart in his kingdom each must create sufficient profit as sacrament to his name on high.

Divine will is carried forth by doing what best serves the self, all glory to thy self, as each time one maketh money and take more for yourself you are then able to buy more and create a living for your brethren. Yea, it is his holy will that the money trickle from you, and as a disciple of his lord it is thee who will best know how to spend the money you so justly earned.

Holy economic truth states that only by spending money can the economy be prosperous, and to spend money one must have money, therefore it is one’s godly duty as citizen of the universe to acquire as much money as possible, or be extended enough credit to do one’s part in this world; each must carry their own weight, each must have skin in the game, thus so we all may be prosperous under this divine system of capitalism.

His lord sayeth on high, worry not of inferior plants, animals, or people, they are here only to serve as tribute to the glory of his divine capitalist orthodoxy, use them up and extract the liquidity of all resources, and with use of this sage philosophy enormous amounts of passive income will grace thee.

May the rivers run black with tar if it should serve benefit to oil companies. May the fields overflow with toxic waste from the livestock industry should it lead to greater profits, let the earth frack and crack, let the ice caps melt back to the seas, let innocent people be ruthlessly bombed, let love die in a pit of despair – For if it is in the name of personal gain for profit then it is divine will and it is no man’s right impair the free groping hands of unfettered capitalism. Impeding profiteering is a hindrance to providence. The net capital gains far outstrip whatever negative was caused by acquiring the capital, this is the way of the lord.

Sinners who practice the devil’s magic, otherwise known as sharing, are a vile ghastly lot; an aberration to the natural order. They are enemy. And it is equally a sin to be consumed with such malignant indolence where a people would not extract the resources beneath their feet for profit to serve all. Know then it is justice for the lord’s army to lay waste to that which impedes his holy capitalist dictum. The lord giveth his blessing to launch crusades for profit as they are only a form a worship, all done for the greater good of money. Praise be!

His eminence sayeth the mansions of his most devout followers will be the new manses of our age; awarded primarily to the worthy few who have exploited well past their civic or religious responsibility, it is they who represent the highest ideals of our father; the wealthy.

His father sent message that it is better to beat a man over the head for a thing than to ask him if you can borrow it. At least you had to put in work to beat the man or employ someone else to do it for you, however by asking to share you’re just taking work that isn’t yours for free. And likewise it is not only a sin to take something in sharing but equally a sin to share something of yours with another, for it would rob one of motivation to make their own money to purchase that thing they wish to borrow. Thus it is your godly responsibility to not share or cooperate for what profit lesson have others learned if everything is just handed to them? None, so sayeth the lord!

Sharing is not just an evil to our immediate financial health, but what it may evolve into is even more cultish, people might just think if they cooperated and shared things they might not need money at all, they might want to live like unprofitable savage Native Americans. Who for all their rhetoric about living at one with the land in peaceful cooperative coexistence, all that noise didn’t matter much when they had such pathetic financial portfolios. And it was for this supreme heresy they were forever damned to communist hell, and let me tell you, there’s no valet parking down there.

All evils of our world can be directly attributed to sharing things. This is the most fundamental sin, antithetical to all that is true and just in the kingdom of bling. No loving pure capitalist will be admitted to join the father if they share in anyway that doesn’t directly have benefit to them first. This is the way of our lord. Praise be.

The father says do not wail in your meaningless woes, as they are but temporary, think instead of how you may contribute to the divine order of the corporation, who can exist forever(as long as they remain financially viable), carrying your legacy forward as generations to come will appreciate the accounting entries you made and they too will know their heritage and place in history carried by way of the corporate records, and in those records is where your life will be forever defined.

Underpaid servants to the capitalist father are among the most noble people, not as noble as your financial superiors, but a vital part of the capitalist religion, as without the lesser who would your financial superiors be superior to? This is the natural capitalist order, to have riches you must be rich relative to someone else, thus the greater the disparity the more it elevates your financial superiors to their rightful place.

Therefore it is one’s duty to serve their financial superiors, which is best expressed by way of humility evidenced in your tireless work, so much humility one could almost mistake it for stripping someone of dignity. But your role is to be a humble ascetic servant to your superiors, by the very fact one has less currency you then are not qualified to make such judgments about the distinctions between humility and loss of dignity, it is your job only to serve those who have more money than you. To be modest in your takings, a silent strong worker who does as they are told in reverence to our great capitalist father in the sky. Praise be.

Hierarchy is a natural state of being in our kingdom, as it has been made clear that the act of holding the blessed currency makes one divine, in the divine state one is possessed with the wisdom money imbues. And if the holy spirit should possess thee to buy a Bugatti or a yacht while others starve and go homeless, then so be it. The rich are no less saints upon this world, nay, they are heroes for spending their money quickly on big money items, injecting liquidity and accelerating the velocity of money, which his lord assures us is good for the environment and essential for market stability.

All should know that global affairs may seem chaotic from the outset, this is but an illusion, for our lord always looks down upon us and commands his will. Should two nations clash this is but design of the lord’s will to vertically integrate countries until only one great capitalist nation remains, his grand sky daddy says: “There can be only one. And Highlander is fantastic fucking cinema! USA! USA!” – these are the words I perhaps remember most clearly spoken to me in my spirit vision.

The lord does not look kindly upon the poors, if you are starving or homeless don’t think this will be ample excuse to not pay rents to your superiors. No matter how rich the superiors may seem, they are worth your suffering because they are superior by nature. They have likely thought of something superior, or been at a superior place at a superior time, they may have superior genes, superior height, superior weight, superiors tits, superior dicks, superior swag, superior friends, superior inheritance, superior weapons, superior intellect, superior ability to exploit. Whatever the case, their superior nature is proven by the sole fact they hold more holy currency than you.

At the apex of earthly capitalist enlightenment are your financial superiors, while their actions at times may seem a touch self indulgent, especially in light of how many they exploit to get that money, how many they made desperate, how many they put to war, how much mayhem and chaos they cause, how miserable they make the world, how much joy they are responsible for sucking out of daily life for no good reason than to serve themselves – No matter how utterly fucking petty and small and parasitic in nature they may seem, no matter how it may appear to objective eyes that the system being used may look exactly like the highest order of thievery and abuse to all conscious things, no matter how destructive to the totality of flora and fauna…

Know this:

Your financial superiors have an understanding you will never be able to comprehend until you have their money yourself. It is only those chosen to be rich who will be able to carry out his lord’s will. And furthermore, your superiors like all good people on this earth have a right to liberty, equality, and to spend their hard earned money however they choose. The plebeians have no right to judge the rich for any of their actions, and instead of asking something be stolen from the rich why not ask why are you aren’t rich yourself? Have ye not given proper hard work sacrifice to thy gracious lord? Perhaps, turn an inward eye to your own filthy abject laziness and intellectual depravity that have distracted you from the successful profitable nirvana we all deserve. Only by carefully following the path our capitalist God has lain before us may we save our financially inviable souls.

Praise be money. Amen.

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