Hey Bernie Bros, I know we don’t want a woman in the White House! We really don’t need her outlawing the Super Bowl! But now, Hillary is on to us. We need arguments besides, “But she’s a woman!” which has worked so well at rallies, online, and on Bernie tote bags.
Maybe it’s finally time we focused on Clinton’s positions and policy! So I found the only woman in America who supports Bernie Sanders – she calls herself a “Bernie Broad” – and asked her advice:
BERNIE BROAD: I love telling Hillary Clinton supporters on Facebook:
The bottom line: If Bernie is the Democratic nominee, Clinton supporters will vote for him against any and all Republican candidates. You Clinton supporters will vote for Bernie even given YOUR support for the Iraq war, offshore oil drilling, USA PATRIOT Act, Wall Street bailout, allowing surveillance of our phone calls and emails, the death penalty, off-shoring jobs, Keystone XL Pipeline, and YOUR opposition to helping struggling Americans by providing them with single payer health insurance and free college tuition.
Post, then watch the fireworks! Most Hillary supporters will protest that they don’t support even one of those positions – but insist they still support Hillary.
BRIAN: OK … Posted. Can you help me with this? Someone just wrote back, Clinton is the only one who’s electable!
BERNIE BROAD: How ‘bout: “Even staunch Hillary supporters admit they’ll vote for Sanders in November if he’s nominated. But many of Sanders’s supporters have pledged that, if Clinton is nominated, they’ll write in Bernie or vote Green. So Bernie will bring all Democrats to vote for him, Hillary only some.”
BRIAN: Someone just posted: If Sanders is nominated, the Koch Brothers will bankroll negative ads about “socialism,” and Americans will be too scared of Sanders!
BERNIE BROAD: Just say: “We’re already socialists on some issues. Every American kid can get free tuition up through high school, and most Americans qualify for government-subsidized money for college. Health care is free for people on Medicare and Medicaid.” Most Americans would never support pay-to-play fire departments or coin-operated defibrillators.
BRIAN: Coin-operated defibrillators! That’s a great business idea.
BERNIE BROAD: Don’t mention it to Clinton – she’ll use it!
BRIAN: Another: Clinton has enormous experience!
BERNIE BROAD: Tell Clintonites: “She has experience doing … things that YOU, her supporter, DISAGREE WITH. Like voting to let Bush bomb and invade Iraq. Her experience led to … that stupid vote. Clinton’s supporters are so blind. I was arguing with one who said she’s an activist who’s spent years opposing GMO food, marching against Monsanto. She didn’t seem to know that Hillary supports GMOs and has ties with Monsanto, which helps bankroll the Clinton Foundation!
BRIAN: Here’s another response that stumps me: We need a woman President!
BERNIE BROAD: Just ask, “Would you vote for Sarah Palin?”
BRIAN: Help me out here: Clinton has great character!
BERNIE BROAD: Ask, “Why is a politician’s character important? To do the right thing, right?” I usually get agreement on that. Then say, “But Clinton, even in the eyes of her supporters, doesn’t do the right thing.”
BRIAN: Next: Clinton will get things done!
BERNIE BROAD: Yeah, things her supporters … don’t support. Where’s the win in that?
BRIAN: What about: Clinton has stood up for women all her life!
BERNIE BROAD: Just contrast her support for women with her lifelong support of gay and lesbian marriage, dating all the way back to… 2013. Can you believe she came that late to support the LGBT community?! Bernie was marching with them in 1985! And she hasn’t exactly protected women workers, supporting outsourcing their jobs to low-wage countries. Bernie is actually better on women’s issues. Clinton hasn’t always stood up for women, but she’s always stood up for A WOMAN.
BRIAN: Here’s the last one someone posted: Because she’s … HILLARY! I love Hillary!
BERNIE BROAD: Sadly, ultimately, positions don’t matter to Clinton’s supporters, because they don’t matter to Clinton. Her campaign isn’t about making changes. It’s about making Hillary President.
BRIAN: I’ll add that if Bernie isn’t nominated, I’ll vote for the Green Party candidate, Jill Stein.
BERNIE BROAD: You’re catching on!