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Bukkake Bombing Crusade

It’s the fourth quarter in the Cockfight at the Baghdad Corral, and Saddam is winning, mainly because Dubya is losing. The biggest peace demonstrations in the history of the world and a virtually anti-war United Nations have shown America’s President to be a dickless oaf, at least as far as diplomacy goes, unable (as of this 3.10.03 writing) to persuade even Turkey to be our whore for 15 billion bucks in baksheesh.

Of course, everyone agrees that Saddam has shown himself to be a dickhead. But we’ve known that for two decades, ever since he gassed some of his Iranian neighbors and about 100,000 inconvenient Kurds, all with U.S. support, America and Iraq being asshole buddies at the time. Saddam did invade Kuwait without being provoked so he could take their oil. And even though the U.S. is about to defy the United Nations and invade Iraq without being provoked for the purpose of taking their oil, two wrongs don’t make a right.

Still, the Baghdad Butcher has trumped the Sadistic Shrub in the International Corral of Cockfighting Diplomacy. Mostly through shutting his mouth, opening his prisons (while the U.S. keeps over 2 million people in ours), destroying his weapons (albeit with some wistfulness; he loves those Al-Samoud missiles like I cherish my favorite dildos), and begging us to give peace a chance, Saddam has brilliantly made his case that he’s no worse than your typical 21st century evil despot and considerably less well-armed. And besides, what about all those innocent Iraqi people who didn’t vote for Saddam any more than Americans elected our President?

Which brings us back to the Bushman and his embarrassingly flaccid diplomatic cocksmanship. Though he’s tried like the dickens to get the world to buy his War on Saddam (and we’re paying!), he has failed to “get it up” internationally. He can barely bribe our allies and devastatingly poor little countries to get on board with us. Even his pal Putin is dissin’ the Shrub’s shortcomings.

What has happened to the Great Pretzel Swallower? Well, first off, he keeps lying and getting caught in his lies. Bill Clinton, America’s Sex President, told “technical” lies about his love life, but Dubya, America’s War President, is spouting huge, in-your-face lies about critical international issues, like what weapons Saddam actually has and what his “ties” to “Al Qaeda-types” really are.

Second, diplomacy requires a bit of romance. Getting the nations of the world to back you up in your plan to “pre-emptively” pummel one of them into abject submission is a question of seduction. And, as Laura Bush’s apparently embalmed smile can attest, Dubya is no Casanova.

Clinton wasn’t just seducing female admirers while in office; the guy romanced whole continents with diplomacy, sweet-talking Northern Ireland into settling down and Rabin and Arafat into shaking hands. Even Daddy Bush seduced most of the nations of the world into joining him when they all gangbanged the Wily Iraqi out of Kuwait.

But Dubya doesn’t want to be bothered with seduction. Nah. Here is one politician who really doesn’t care what people think. Why should he? He didn’t need their votes to become President. And he doesn’t need their “permission” to commit mass murder. Cocky? You bet. This is the arrogance of power, privilege and gross stupidity.

People are rising to oppose this war before it even starts, from the Security Council to the streets, wielding sexy signs like “The Only Bush I Trust is My Own” and “A Village in Texas Has Lost It’s Idiot,” shouting and poking fun at the American Emperor and how he’s not only wearing no clothes, he lost his political erection, just like he never really won that election.

But Bush doesn’t care about these “focus groups.” He’s reporting to a higher power, God (the Christian one), or Dick (Cheney, of course, not his own dick; if only Bush reported to his own dick like Clinton, we might not be in this mess). Or maybe he reports to his Mom. His oil buddies. The war industry. Only your favorite conspiracy theorist knows for sure. The point is he seems to be going full speed ahead with turning this Cockfight with “the guy who tried to kill my dad” into WAR with a capital Dubya.

So, what’s the plan, Bushman? The Pentagon calls it “Shock and Awe.” Being a sex therapist and seeing all this stuff through a Darwinian/Freudian/Dr. Ruthian prism, I call it “Bukkake Bombing.”

Perhaps a couple of definitions are in order. First, bukakke. If you’re a porn fan, you probably know that “bukkake” is a Japanese term that refers to spraying the face and body of a person, usually a woman, though sometimes a man, with sperm from one, several or many men. The word actually means “splash” or “squirt” in Japanese. In some bukkake sessions, 150 men ejaculate onto one woman.

In American Bukkake, the recipient acts like she’s enjoying herself, rubbing the sperm into her skin like a beauty treatment (which it is!). In Japanese Bukkake, she plays up the degradation. Though American Bukkake appeals more to an Ethical Hedonist like me, perhaps the Japanese style is closer to the essential allure of bukkake. Whether they like it or not, aficionados say that the target often experiences a sort of “enlightenment” while being doused with 150 or so different varieties of spunk.

Legend has it that in ancient Japan, an adulterous woman would be dragged into the town square and tied up, whereupon every man in town ejaculated all over her. Basically, they seem to have been saying, “If you’re going to take it from a man other than your husband, you’re going to get it from everyone else.” Some say it comes from the practice of stoning an unfaithful woman to death, and bukkake is a “kinder, gentler” chastisement. Whether or not the legends are true, “bukkake” became a form of Japanese porn in the 1980s, grew in popularity, and now if you type “bukkake” into yahoo, you’re likely to get several dozen sites, even if you don’t spell it right. You’re also likely to get grossed out, unless you enjoy looking at photos of young women with faces covered with what looks like gobs of mucous, spilt curdled milk or what it “really” is–fresh semen.

So much for porn. Let’s move on to obscenity: “Shock and Awe.” Sounds kind of sexy, like what we feel when we watch a dazzling display of fireworks or when we experience a mind-blowing orgasm. Except the Pentagon isn’t talking about that nice, ecstatic, one-with-the-universe kind of Shock and Awe. They’re talking about horrific, “nearly incomprehensible levels of massively destructive,” end-of-the-universe kind of Shock and Awe. They’re talking about unleashing almost 4000 odd bombs and missiles, possibly including the new nuclear “bunker busters” and 21,000 pound MOABs (Massive Ordnance Air Blast aka “the Mother of All Bombs– Eat My Spooge, Hussein the Insane!) in the first 48 hours of an attack. That’s roughly twice the number used in the entire 39 days of the first Gulf War.

See why I call it Bukkake Bombing? They also call it Full Coverage. Blanket Bombing. But instead of buckets of come, we have millions of tons of deadly military ejaculate, otherwise known as cruise missiles, about 800 of them, and “precision-guided” bombs, some 3000 of them, in two days, splashing heavy loads of lethal ammo on Baghdad, the nonconsensual (Japanese-style) Bukkake Queen.

And when this massive martial “orgasm” is over, we won’t just have a face full of sperm. We’ll have gargantuan destruction. See, most people who experience Shock and Awe are not shocked or awed. They are dead. The title comes from the expectation that anyone left alive is so traumatized by the onslaught that they’ll surrender without a fight.

Will the Bushies really do this awful thing? In the name of stopping terror, will they unleash an act of terror possibly worse than 9/11 and Hiroshima combined? That’s the buzz. And in this case, let’s just pray that our government is lying to us. Let’s just hope this is a bluff, a brain fart, or that they lose their “spunk” in the face of all the stiff opposition.

But can the the Little Emperor calm down and let the inspectors do their work for the next several months? As Hans Blix caustically said, they’re destroying large lethal weapons here, not breaking toothpicks (was that a reference to Dubya’s dick?). But what is Bushman going to do then–pack up his tanks and go home? Haul back 250,000 pumped up troops? That’s like asking a mad armed rapist to please put his swollen snake back in his pants and go away. Yes, Bush’s diplomacy is dickless, but his military might is large and hard and full of spunk. Ready to shoot. Primed to deliver Shock and Awe.

The Bukkake Bombing Crusade renders ridiculous Rummy’s insistence that we will be careful to avoid killing civilians. The first day involves massacring thousands of non-military individuals in a city of 5 million, more than half of whom are under 15. It’s also going to cost a lot of dough. Figure about a million bucks a bomb. That’s a hell of a money shot.

The Bushies believe or would have us believe that this will be more of an American-style Bukkake Bombing, one in which the target likes it or acts like she does. That is, they expect the Iraqi people to welcome their American Liberators. And maybe they will, if they manage to survive and aren’t too busy mourning their relatives or loss of their house, electricity, arms, legs, eyes, eardrums, etc.

The mastermind behind “Shock and Awe” is Harlan Ullman, a columnist for the Washington Times (yes, the Moonie paper), and .a Vietnam and Gulf War vet who taught at the National War College where one of his students was Colin Powell. Ullman’s apocalyptic vision of an enormously destructive ?ber-military attack, inspired by the writings of 5th century B.C. philosopher-warrior Sun Tzu (whose less directly aggressive tactics are said to have inspired Saddam) and colored by too many video war games, is described in breathless detail in his 1996 book Shock and Awe: Achieving Rapid Dominance, available for viewing on the web by militarists, terrorists, victims and war-watchers. Like most popular Internet offerings, it has a slightly pornographic style, featuring phrases about “rendering the adversary impotent.”

Many consider Ullman to be a sort of Dr. Strangelove on crack, thrilled that his concept is being bandied about by the Bushies as the plan to take down that maddening Madman from Baghdad once and for all. But Ullman is not completely cracked. Like many military men, he’s not sure Bush’s War is such a good idea, seeing no proof of Saddam’s links to Al Qaeda nor any evidence that he’s got usable weapons of mass destruction. Despite the tremendous fame that the Bush and his junta have bestowed upon him, they haven’t even been able to seduce Mr. Shock-and-Awe into their camp!

So, Dubya has been flexing his military Big Stick, but he hasn’t been speaking softly, or consistently. His lack-luster lackeys, from the formerly dignified Powell to the always annoying Ari Fleisher, have all been loudly trumpeting the need to Bukkake-Bomb that pussy of a tyrant Saddam, while we let oil-free wallflower Kim Jong II play with his nukes by himself (in fact, the Bushies make it seem as though the best way to avoid being attacked by the U.S. is to build up a collection of nuclear weapons!).

The Bushies bluster that if they can’t get an international gangbang going, they’ll just rape the bitch themselves. Why with a couple of English blokes and Aussie mates, plus a few frat brothers and well-paid Eastern European stand-ins, there’s plenty of fully-loaded-and-ready-to-shoot Americans for the big Bukkake Bombing Crusade.

This is supposed to deter terrorism? This is going to make the peoples of the world put away their nukes and their box cutters and embrace us as the Good Guys? This is going to make Americans forget that we can’t even find Osama? Well, maybe. A recent New York Times/CBS News poll shows that 45% think Saddam was the guy who took down the World Trade Centers. Can’t we tell one anti-American dickhead from another?

But back to questions we can answer. Who is the audience for the Bukkake Bombing Crusade? This is important, because if regular bukkake didn’t have an audience, it wouldn’t be done much. After all, it’s not so easy to round up a gang of guys ready to publicly bust their nuts over a basically passive “victim.” But where there’s a paying audience, there’s a will and there’s a way, and, apparently, there are a lot of folks out there eager to pay hard cash to see cocks bursting, sperm flying, goopy semen pelting a human target. Whether these viewers are aroused or disgusted or both, they, apparently want to watch it, or it wouldn’t even be made. Of course, there’s also an unwilling audience for bukkake: all of us who get spammed by bukkake sites. And there are both kinds of audiences for this War: those who want it and those who hate it and can’t get away from it.

And who “gets” this vast, virtually worldwide, eager, aroused and disgusted audience? The Media, of course. War is pornography for journalists. War sells just like sex sells, only it’s more “serious” because in our sick society, killing in public is far more respectable than fucking in public.

Oh, if only our esteemed Fourth Estate could be like The Naked News, and get ratings from taking off their clothes, while they seriously discuss the issues. But no, of course, they can’t do that! That would be real porn.

They can’t show actual penises–that’s obscene! But huge phallic missiles are okay. Bukkake Bombs bursting through the air is fabulous, as long as you emphasize the fiery shower and cut away before you get to the blown-up body parts. That would be obscene. This is only porn after all. They’ll be showing the obscenity later, in bits and palatable pieces, Dahmer-like delicacies. Plenty of time for that after the damage has been done.

The mainstream media are the cheerleaders at this Cockfight, and rather sluttish cheerleaders at that. By this, I mean CNN, CBS, Fox News, MSNBC, the New York Times (though they editorially denounced the rush to war, their front pages root for it), etc. It’s pretty nauseating to watch them all get down on their perma-pressed knees to suck dumbo Dubya’s military Big Stick. But the media are whores, after all, and along with the oil companies and defense industry, they’re pulling in tons of dough off this atrocity-in-the-making, while most Americans flounder in an economic recession that goes virtually unreported. But cruise missiles are so much sexier than unemployment rates. As the media sees it: Who cares if the world is against this war? They’ll watch it. They’ll be glued to their boob tubes.

Watching and waiting for Shock and Awe. A diplomatically dickless Shrub of a man straining to discharge an American Apocalypse upon the Cradle of Civilization. At least that’s how it looks to those of us in the cheap seats. Of course, we’re all still praying for a peaceful resolution to this madness. Yes, in this case, let’s just hope our government is lying to us. Maybe Shock and Awe is just a big bad bluff. Wouldn’t that be nice? But we’re not holding our breath. Just holding our noses.

In the meantime, I have a fantasy of how to “enlighten” Bush. It’s inspired by all the anti-war protests involving people (mostly women) laying their naked bodies on the ground to spell out PEACE. My fantasy involves myself and a few of my own buddies (mostly female) giving Bush a little Bukkake Bombing of our own. I’m talking sex here, darling, nothing lethal, of course. Make love, not war.

How would we ladies do this? Well, if you keep up with your sex news, you know that men aren’t the only ones who can spray their partners with their love fluids. There is such a thing as female ejaculation. That is, just like men, many women can “squirt” genital fluid (without the sperm, of course) when we orgasm, sometimes clear across a room.

With that in mind, picture me and some of my girlfriends, like sexy Kim, Melanie, Didi, Kelly Steele, Linda Mac, Laura Moore, and Sarah Roberts, maybe some of the gorgeous Trashy Girls who cheered when I yelled “Drop Bras, Not Bombs!” at the end of the show last Saturday. Picture us in the Oval Office (the same one where Billy Jeff left his semen stains), all naked or just wearing Trashy stockings and heels, each of us strategically positioned around the Shrub. There he’d be sitting, all tied up (obviously, this would be Japanese-style Bukkake, since I doubt Georgie-poo would do it willingly, though I could be wrong about that), in his $9000 suit (we don’t need to see his puny package), with all of us ejaculatrixes talking dirty and shouting anti-war slogans, each of us taking turns jilling off on the Prez, rapid-fire to achieve Rapid Dominance, full coverage within minutes. One of us would wear a white-haired wig, pearl choker, and frumpy blue dress, making herself look like Mommy (the only woman he cares about pleasing). I’d also include a few cute guys, like French Foreign Minister Dominique de Villespin who says he “loves” America, and I believe him. We’d all just love-bomb the Bushman in a big international, multicultural, co-ed, DNA-spraying Bukkake Bombing Crusade until he has that “enlightenment” experience, that “Shock and Awe” that would lead him to see the diplomatically dumb, dangerous audacity of his ways.

Then maybe he’d stop this nonsense, tell the world he was only bluffing to get Saddam to really step up to the Inspection plate, pull up his pants and come back to Crawford a hero. A Village Idiot of a hero with a lot of come (egg?) on his face, a big bill to pay and a load of manure on his boots, but a hero nonetheless.

Dr. SUSAN BLOCK is a sex educator, host of The Dr. SUSAN BLOCK Show and author of The 10 Commandments of Pleasure. Visit her website at http://www.drsusanblock.com

If you’d like to contact Dr. SUSAN BLOCK with questions, comments or contributions, please email liberties@blockbooks.com

 

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Susan Block, Ph.D., a.k.a. “Dr. Suzy,” is an internationally renowned LA sex therapist and author, occasionally seen on HBO and other channels. Her newest book is The Bonobo Way: The Evolution of Peace through Pleasure. Visit her at http://DrSusanBlock.com. For speaking engagements, call 310-568-0066. Email your comments to her at liberties@blockbooks.com and you will get a reply.

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