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When I First Came to This Job

When I First Came to This Job
(An Incredible Folk Song, People, Believe Me … With Abject Apologies to Pete Seeger.)

When I first came to this job, I was just another slob.
So I got myself a tweet, and I did what I could.
And I called my tweet: “Lie and cheat.”
For Fox News was sweet and good, and I did what I could.

When I first came to this job, I was just another slob.
So I got myself a flack, and I did what I could.
And I called my flack: “Just attack.”
And I called my tweet: “Lie and cheat.”
For Fox News was sweet and good, and I did what I could.

When I first came to this job, I was just another slob.
So I got myself a deal, and I did what I could.
And I called my deal: “Chisel and steal.”
And I called my flack: “Just attack.”
And I called my tweet: “Lie and cheat.”
For Fox News was sweet and good, and I did what I could.

When I first came to this job, I was just another slob.
So I got myself a line, and I did what I could.
And I called my line: “It’s all mine.”
And I called my deal: “Chisel and steal.”
And I called my flack: “Just attack.”
And I called my tweet: “Lie and cheat.”
For Fox News was sweet and good, and I did what I could.

When I first came to this job, I was just another slob.
So I got myself some gall, and I did what I could.
And I called my gall: “Border wall.”
And I called my line: “It’s all mine.”
And I called my deal: “Chisel and steal.”
And I called my flack: “Just attack.”
And I called my tweet: “Lie and cheat.”
For Fox News was sweet and good, and I did what I could.

When I first came to this job, I was just another slob.
So I got myself some jokes, and I did what I could.
And I called my jokes: “Climate hoax.”
And I called my gall: “Border wall.”
And I called my line: “It’s all mine.”
And I called my deal: “Chisel and steal.”
And I called my flack: “Just attack.”
And I called my tweet: “Lie and cheat.”
For Fox News was sweet and good, and I did what I could.

When I first came to this job, I was just another slob.
So I got myself a base, and I did what I could.
And I called my base: “Master race.”
And I called my jokes: “Climate hoax.”
And I called my gall: “Border wall.”
And I called my line: “It’s all mine.”
And I called my deal: “Chisel and steal.”
And I called my flack: “Just attack.”
And I called my tweet: “Lie and cheat.”
For Fox News was sweet and good, and I did what I could.

Folksingers and other folk are welcome to this song.

Hugh Iglarsh writes essays, reviews, travel narratives, satire, scintillating but largely unpublished letters to the editor and other ephemera from his bunker in the literary hot spot of Skokie, Illinois.  He can be reached at hiiglarsh@hotmail.com.

 

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Hugh Iglarsh is a Chicago-based writer and editor who loves libraries and museums, but not fake ones. This essay began as a soapbox rant he gave at the annual Bughouse Square Debates, sponsored by the Newberry Library. He can be reached at hiiglarsh@hotmail.com.

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