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Crazy Uncle Joe and the Can’t We All Just Get Along Democrats

Drawing by Nathaniel St. Clair

I have a suggestion for PPMB, the right-wing consulting firm whose CEO is running for president–and also Crazy Uncle Joe, who is apparently going to announce his run next week.

You nitwits think you can run on the “I’ll bring everyone together. We’re not blue states or red states– we’re the UNITED states” message?

Good luck with that. The Rock has been trying to do that for nearly three months. He’s getting crushed.

“Right now what this country needs is not people having a race to the gutter, not a party that’s going to show the worst of who they are, not when they go low we go lower, not fighting fire with fire,” he said.

What voters are looking for is someone who lives by the rules Sean Connery lays down in THE UNTOUCHABLES.

After eight years watching Bill Clinton hand Republicans what they wanted most (shredding regulations and the safety net) and then watching Barack Obama roll over on his back and expose his tummy– hoping Republicans would scratch it– nobody is in the mood for saying “We’re all in this together.”

As H.L. Mencken put it, “Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.” The 2020 election cycle appears to be such a time

***

The people in power separate families, put children in cages, and then allow them to be raped. Everyone who follows Team R is supporting that.

Team R supports neo-nazis and white nationalists. They have 100% support from their elected officials and base.

Team R supports people who steal your data and sell it– or just use it against you.

Team R supports right-wing paramilitary hate groups that kill unarmed people for the ‘crimes’ of holding cell phones, toy guns and sleeping. Nobody opposes them.

Team R wants to disenfranchise everyone except white male property owners. Again, no exceptions. No one is standing up against them,

There are no good people. You can’t work with people who do these things. Or the ones who support these things. Or the ones who don’t want to stand against them. People who want to defend their positions by making up facts– or claiming that Team D is worse in some way– are not people you can work with.

Talking about how Team R has good and decent people and Team D needs to quit being mean to them– given what Team R has been doing and how Team D has been reacting– won’t win votes.

Democratic primary voters– at least right now– seem to be asking “What, PRECISELY, do you plan to do about our problems?” and “Exactly how hard do you intend to fight for them?”

***

It’s early right now. A comparatively small number of people are following the 2020 election, and they tend to be the most committed.

Maybe, over the next six months, a flood of moderates– people looking for candidates who want to get along with Donald Trump, Mitch McConnell and Kevin McCarthy– will pour into the campaign.

Right now, the voter mood seems to be “We’re mad as hell and we’re not going to take this any more!” As the truth about Bootie O’Rourke has made people realize that he’s not a progressive icon (which is entirely their fault; he hasn’t pretended to be anything but a Texas Democrat), his campaign has collapsed.

PPMB and Crazy Uncle Joe can, I think, expect the same thing.

***

One last point. It’s not that everyone loves Birdie Sanders so much. It’s that voters are sick of politicians who lie to them– who say one thing and do another. They’re realizing, belatedly, that candidate Obama suggested he was much more progressive and forward-thinking than President Obama ever was.

They’re looking for a candidate who says what he or she thinks– as opposed to saying what big donors want to hear, or what pollsters say people want– and who can be counted on to keep campaign promises.

Being a socialist would not normally be an asset. But in this race– where every other Democratic candidate is trying to disavow the positions they held for decades– where both the House and Senate leaders say one thing and then do the opposite– being a ‘socialist’ shows voters you are for real.

Look, Sanders isn’t a socialist. I know people who are socialists; they hate him. Socialists are convinced Bernie Sanders is a tool– bought and paid for– of the elites. They use him to pretend that he supports the issues that matter to voters– then sell out when push comes to shove. (Yes, they’re nuts. This is why socialism has gone nowhere.)

But voters know the term has always been poison. NOBODY calls themselves a socialist in order to win elections. So anyone who says it must be saying exactly what he thinks.

Which, right now, is catnip to voters.

***

Elizabeth Warren, who crossed over 20-odd years ago, can probably pass the genuine test. Had he run, Sherrod Brown could have. Most of the rest of these people were saying entirely different things ten years ago– or five. Or even three.

The Rock– who wants everyone to like him– can’t get away with it. If he wants to stay in the race, he’ll need to rebrand as a progressive… and hope voters believe him.

 

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