Image by Srikanta H. U.
In the spirit of Swiftian satire and Saturday Night Live’s parodies, let’s note the news that May 27 marked the issuance of President Trump’s 157 th Executive Order (EO). He seems to be in a breakneck race to top president Franklin Roosevelt (FDR)’s New Deal record of 1933.
Needless to say, Trump’s EOs could be ripe for a “what-if” at that speed.
Put the case that a cabal of rigid, 1880-type aides loyal to the Vice President’s outspoken belief about women’s “place” in the homes of the 1880s. Couldn’t they easily slip in an EO that reflects his and their mutual views on that subject? And Trump’s? Impossible? Consider the pace that Trump demands aides compose those EOs and even his posts on social media . Most would never have time to spot and stop their colleagues’ output. So the cabals’ sensational cultural change back to the future of the 1880s would make the stack on the Oval office desk to be signed by the president’s signature.
It’s doubtful Trump would give it a read beyond scanning the EO’s title, given his dislike anything historic, complex, or full of big words. Exceptions are his EO favorites such as “common sense,” “country,” and “restoring/reforming.” He trusts aides to craft his barked commands of “Get those goddamned defense lawyers!” or “Cut that climate-change crap” into legalese for a Supreme Court’s eventual positive ruling.
In addition, he’s 79 and showing signs of addled thinking (annexing Canada and Mexico), and heavily occupied in posting inane messages on his social media or
idiotic, off-the-cuff remarks at media conferences. Too often lately, they’ve required next-day backtracking because of monumental public backlash.
The cabal’s EO title would look innocent enough: “A New Role for America’s Women.” The text would largely undergird Trump’s other public edicts, policies, and Congressional legislation. It might not get past those eagle-eyed judges in federal lower courts, but certainly would with the U.S. Supreme Court’s current pro-Trump 7-2 rulings.
The document would be essentially designed to meet social requirements for ordinary American women aged 12 to 40. But the results would stagger all genders.
Costs of health care would plummet, along with less need of providers, hospitals, and urgent-care facilities. Not to mention significant caseload reductions for the mental- health professions. All public K-12 schools and universities would be eliminated, following the recent closure of the Department of Education. Grocery bills and clothing expenses could be halved. New and affordable public housing would be largely unneeded. Moreover, wmen would be relieved from the stress of voting decisions, pruning the electorate that probably cost him the 2020 election. And down the road, trillions of taxpayer dollars would be saved because of fewer recipients for Medicare, Medicaid, and Social Security.
Population control is not necessarily bad, the cabal obviously believes.
The bottom line would be outdoing China’s “one-child” law by “restoring, and enforcing the new role of American Women Aged 12-49.” The cabal’s mandatory instrument would be today’s highly popular device supposedly used in
Europe’s 15th century to ensure property would be inherited by a family’s pure bloodline. Today, Google has pages and pages listing sales of this protective product:
the chastity belt.
Other benefits listed in the EO would be the end of unwanted pregnancies and the abortion issue once and for all. Indeed, the cabal certainly would recall Trump’s saying women obtaining an illegal abortion should be punished. Too, worries about overpopulation and under supplies of food would be over. Married couple’s dissatisfying connubial relations undoubtedly would improve, in the cabal’s view.
Enforcement of mandating compliance initially would be the responsibility of fathers once a daughter’s menses begin—until she marries. Then, the key would be relinquished to the husband’s safekeeping under pain of the couple’s incarceration and fines—or a wife’s straying. Divorce would be the province of the husband, as of old. Considering Trump’s two divorces, he probably would be especially pleased with that portion of the EO.
After all, the cabal could defend its labors by claiming Trump’s slogan of “Make America Great Again” obviously meant the 1880s.
