If Chaos is the Plan, Trump’s Your Man

Hard to imagine why anyone would want to watch Donald Trump spew his endless litany of lies, insults, and vitriol after we’ve seen these re-runs for seven long years now. But sure enough, in an apparent attempt to capture some of the Faux News MAGA zombies, CNN stuck Trumpty Dumpty on air for yet one more re-run of his old and increasingly boring show.

Hey, have you heard the one about how the 2020 election was stolen? Hard to believe you haven’t since it’s one of my best, most famous acts. Well let me tell you!

Or how about that woman I don’t know who just won a $5 million award claiming a fictitious assault? Being from New York, that unanimous jury that has no credibility whatsoever. I get no respect from the city where Trump Tower is located…they just don’t appreciate all I’ve done for them in that rat-infested pit.

And did I tell you my secret strategy to end the Ukraine war in 24 hours? Well, no, I can’t tell you, it’s a secret after all, and I can’t reveal it until I’m back in the White House in two years. But don’t worry about who wins, that’s not the important part. The important part is what a genius I am since only I can fix it.

As for those mild-mannered tourists who strolled peacefully through the nation’s Capitol on Jan. 6 — sheesh, they’re being prosecuted by an evil federal government. But when I’m back in charge blanket pardons are on the way! As everyone knows, it’s nothing but patriotic to disrupt the peaceful transfer of power if you lose an election by storming the halls of Congress —  and trying to lynch the vice-president, Speaker of the House, and any member of the House or Senate who isn’t wearing a genuine “Made in China” MAGA hat.

But if the endless salacious re-runs are getting old, how about this one? We ought to run government like a business — I’m sure you’ve heard that before. So, why worry about defaulting on the national debt? I sure didn’t when I ran up $7 trillion in debt making America great again!

If we run the federal government like I run my oh so successful businesses, it’s no big deal. You just don’t pay your contractors and if they give you a hard time or whine about it, sue ‘em! See, no problem whatsoever with all that debt ceiling baloney, just default and get it over with.

If all this sounds like the ravings of a lunatic, that’s not far off. Then again, this is what happens when you put people who hate government in charge of running government. Sorry to say, Montana is now experiencing similar turmoil because people who hate government are in charge of our government.

Take the almost unbelievable situation created by the precipitous manner in which the Senate quit while the House was still in session. Now we have what amounts to unfinished bills in a three-way battle between Governor Gianforte, who is vetoing them, the Legislature, who wants a chance to override those vetoes, and the Secretary of State who is stuck in the middle and being asked to step in and poll the long-gone legislators. And they’re all Republicans!

You can’t make this stuff up. Were the consequences not so tragic, it would make great slap-stick comedy. And if you’re waiting for the Democrats to do something about it, sorry, they’re busy “holding Republicans accountable.” “To whom?” might be a timely question to ask about now as we continue to fall down the rabbit hole of national and state governmental chaos with Trump and the GOP.

George Ochenski is a columnist for the Missoulian, where this essay originally appeared.