Queer Anarchism is More Conservative Than the GOP

Those motherfuckers in the GOP have been talking shit about me and my tribe again lately. In fact, it doesn’t seem like they’ve shut the fuck up about us over the last six or seven years and the racket just keeps on getting louder. With less than 300 shopping days before the next sham that this failed state calls a presidential election, the Republicans have gone all in on making gender outlaws like me the official scapegoat of 2024. They made this frighteningly clear at this year’s sparsely attended CPAC Conference where trendy right-wing gadflies like Michael Knowles and Candace Owens essentially called for the annihilation of “transgenderism” by any means necessary to resounding applause.

I’m touched, really, I am. Unlike your average vanilla agent of LGBTQ assimilation, I fully embrace my tribe’s role as the glimmering harbingers of the decline of Western Civilization. What I have no stomach for is a party of warmongering sore losers who use the colossal hammer of big government to smash Queer children to bits and then sell this shameless hypocrisy as some kind of conservatism.

Over the first few months of 2023 alone, Republican legislators have upchucked an acidic tsunami of over 340 anti-Queer bills across the country that seek to use armed government agents to police everything from children’s healthcare to public restrooms. What this toxic slurry of judicial hate crimes really amounts to is growing the police state to gargantuan proportions and expanding their ability to intervene into even the most intimate corners of private life.

There is absolutely nothing conservative about this jihad but that shouldn’t be shocking to anybody who has paid even the most cursory amount of attention to the GOP over the last fifty years. I may be a genderfuck Yippie anarchist but even I’m more conservative than those neocon crusaders and I’m not just being cute. In spite of my decadent lifestyle choices or perhaps even because of them, my uniquely Queer school of stateless existence is far more conservative on nearly every conceivable front than the current platform of the Republican Party.

Let’s us first dispense with the contrived notion that my very existence is the product of rampant modernism. Quite the contrary. Every heathen tribe from Prussia to Peru celebrated the existence of at least three genders before the original globalist groomers in the Vatican forced them all by the barrel of the musket to conform to the modern social engineering experiment known as the gender binary and it is actually precisely the pre-Christian conservative tribal diversity that the Papists trampled that drives my own distinctly Queer school of anarcho-primitivism.

You see dearest motherfuckers, I am more than just a Queer anarchist, I am a Queer panarchist. While my own private Catalonia may consist of a communal love-in of polyamorous gender freaks living like savage libertines in yurts on the weed-infested parking lots of flaming stadium churches, I believe that this radical utopia is only possible under a system of panarchy or many anarchies that affords the existence of an infinite amount of stateless tribal societies. These societies could be based on quite literally everything and anything from Black nationalism to Mormon fundamentalism, provided that every single tribe remains 100% voluntary and that every individual can choose to leave and start over just next door at any time.

The result of this Queer new world would be infinitely more conservative on every level than the rampant statism of the Republican Party. Just look at the debauched reign of their current boy-king, Donald Trump, if you don’t believe me. That dayglo Caligula added $7.8 trillion to the national debt between 2017 and 2020. That is an increase of 33.1%, the third-highest increase of any presidency in history.

Part of this can be chalked up to the rampant corporate welfare that Trump used a totally avoidable pandemic to excuse, but even before Covid reached our shores, that orange lunatic was well on his way to the record books after taking the tax dollars of his own working-class constituency and redistributing it to his country club friends in the multinational corporate elite under the guise of tax breaks.

This fiscal blasphemy of reverse Robin Hood larceny is the Republican way. No more under my Queer anarchist system. No more corporate welfare. No more eminent domain. No more fucking taxes period. Taxation is a form of legalized theft that reinforces class divisions based on those who take and those who get taken. The taker class is an incestuous rat’s nest of lazy thieves with shiny badges, and I am committed as a Queer anarchist to ending their infestation once and for all. This means defunding the police. All of the police. This means no more FBI, no more ATF, no more DEA, and no more fucking IRS. No more pencil-pushing bureaucratic thugs with guns breathing down your neck and asking for their cut. People’s money would remain in their communities to do with as they see fit.

This would also mean an end to those corporate elites that Trump and his interparty competition pretend to combat. The One Percent only exists at the behest of a colossal international government that the rich built to justify their own parasitic existence. There would be no billionaire oligarchs like George Soros or the Koch Brothers if it weren’t for a complex network of fixed trade deals and economic regulations that rig the game in their favor, all of which the Republican Party overwhelmingly supports.

A panarchist society would run on a localist economic order similar to that of a massive network of decentralized farmer’s markets in which everyone would be free to buy, sell and trade their wears with no federal middleman to tip the scales in one direction or the other. This is what a true free market really looks like, a place where anyone with the skills to sling the finest product wins the day instead of federally backed cartels and massive industrial complexes.

This includes complexes of the military-industrial variety like every Republicans favorite charity in the war machine, and you better fucking believe that a panarchsit system would erase that corporatist construct post haste, not just because its very existence is patently evil, but because it is little more than a big government boondoggle.

Contrary to what the Grand Old Party would have you believe, there exists no Chinese threat to American military supremacy. There exists no threat of any kind to American military supremacy and there never has. This nation spends more money on “defense” than the next dozen nations combined and that includes China, Russia, and India. America maintains 750 permanent bases on foreign soil in 80 different countries.

This isn’t defense and this sure as shit isn’t conservative. It’s empire and in spite of all his isolationist posturing, Trump was no exception to this rule. He literally broke records with his military budgets which included hefty doses of aid to foreign armies in places like Egypt, Ukraine and Israel. All part of the Republican Parties long shameless tradition of consistently countering every already bloated Democratic defense budget with demands for even more tax-pilfered loot to be carted away to blow people up on parts of the map that most Americans have never even heard of.

As for grooming, I’m as against that practice as any Bible-thumping fag-basher but it’s a two-way street and it’s one that I would never cross. I have never met another Queer person who has not been abused by America’s compulsory school system. I carry scars in the form of complex PTSD from my own experiences of having a bunch of straight adults push their heterosexist gender ideology down my throat at a tender age.

Unlike Ron DeSantis, my solution to this systemic barbarism isn’t to replace one form of cultural hegemony with another, it’s to obliterate the power structure endemic in the American school system entirely by putting children in charge of their own damn education instead of one pack of role-crazy adults or another. This means deschooling society entirely because if you don’t want the government to indoctrinate your children then you shouldn’t give those motherfuckers so much power over your children in the first place. This is something we should all agree on.

That’s because Queer anarchy isn’t about queering society. It’s about queering governance. If everybody was fucking Queer, then Queer people would be as boring as the rest of you bitches. Our power actually comes from being a minority because only minorities can truly be communities. The queerest thing that we can do is spread that philosophy by encouraging everyone to become a minority too and by encouraging the autonomy that minorities require to remain strong. This means encouraging the existence not just of Queer communes, but Amish communes and Objectivist communes and Catholic Worker communes, because only small governments truly serve their people and the smaller the better.

The GOP doesn’t foster small government any more than the DNC fosters egalitarianism. They are two arms of the same colossal beast and regardless of how you or anyone else may feel about my kinky lifestyle choices or my unorthodox gender ideology, being a sworn enemy of that beast makes me far more conservative than Donald Trump or Ron DeSantis will ever be. There is nothing queerer than anarchy and if you’re truly looking for small government like I am, then anarchy is the only answer.

So, tell me breeders, Did I turn ya?

Nicky Reid is an agoraphobic anarcho-genderqueer gonzo blogger from Central Pennsylvania and assistant editor for Attack the System. You can find her online at Exile in Happy Valley.