Fire Everyone in the Government, Mr. Trump

Fire everyone in the government, Mr. Trump.

As a mega-genius, you don’t need them. You can make all decisions yourself and not worry about dissent from people who are not loyal to you.

Why do we need these people, anyway?

If the schools across the nation are closed, who needs a Department of Education? (You might want to keep the lovely Betsy DeVos in some capacity, certainly to prevent the enactment of Article 25.)

If people can’t travel, they don’t need passports. Hence, they don’t need a State Department and that blimp who heads it. (He can’t be missed, because he hasn’t done anything besides swagger, and his swagger hasn’t even helped him reduce his obesity, let alone deal with other governments.) Ditto, Homeland Security, with the borders closed.

Above all, fire everyone in the Department of Justice. Then, your own justice (an eye-for-an eye and a tooth-for-a-tooth, which you fully understand) can be implemented.

Once the government is gone, consider how fortunate you will be.

You’ll be able to rely, totally, on your Mafia family.

Think of the enormous success Jared, your son-in-law, has had in solving the Middle East problem, one that plagued other presidents for decades. With one single stroke, Jared solved that problem forever.

And Ivanka, bless her, you have already told us what she has done: create fifteen million new jobs. She’s a gem, always thinking of the poor and people who are out of work.

Then there are your two brilliant sons, Donald, Jr. and Eric, fortunately, chips off the old block, intellectual geniuses, like yourself. You know you can rely on them to continue to give you good economic advice, especially about how to enrich your own pockets.

You’ve also got your best buddy, Vladimir Putin, who has certainly told you how he’s been able to amass a personal fortune of two hundred billion dollars. If he can rob his country blind, you can do that, also.

Finally, at the top of your list, you should eliminate the Center for Disease Control, beginning with Drs. Fauci and Birx. You know that they are up to no good, always trying to undermine you at the mic. And, besides, as you have said repeatedly, the coronavirus isn’t that big a deal. What’s to worry about if a few thousand Americans die and we go into an economic Depression worse than the country has ever know?

You’ll be able to continue to enrich your Mafia family no matter what happens; your deplorable base will guarantee that. They will sacrifice their lives and their children for you, their Second Coming. As George Conway has told us, they’re part of your cult, including his wife, Kellyanne.

So take a deep breath, Mr. President. Instead of slowly gutting every branch of the government with these slow-motion firings, do it with one fell swoop.

For your own sake, fire everyone in the government.

Think of yourself, just this one time.


Charles R. Larson is Emeritus Professor of Literature at American University, in Washington, D.C. Email = Twitter @LarsonChuck.