The Pros and Cons of Near Term Human Extinction

Near term human extinction is not all bad. For one thing it’s absolutely free. No need to break the piggy bank. And the whole family can go. It’s gratis. Not only that, but you can even bring your pets. Cat, dog. parrot, termite you name it. No need for special carriers, quarantines, shots, whatever. None of that. Of course don’t expect to find them on the other side, because there is no other side.

Then, really good news, all your debts are wiped out. Zippity-doo-dah. Zero. Kiss the student loan, mortgage, credit card bill good-bye. No more vig to the neighborhood henchman. Sayonara. Your balance goes to zero, just like you. Don’t worry, there’s no paperwork.

And your boss, that asshole, gone. You’ll never have to kiss his rosy red one again.

No more housework. No taking out the garbage, cleaning the frig– no house.

No more having to listen to twaddle about Donald Trump.

Worries, none. Where’s your daughter? What’s up with sonny boy? Is some jackass going to start a nuclear war? What’s that lump in your unmentionable? How are you going to put food on the table? Forget about it. It’s all wiped clean. Tell me that’s not a great big fat check mark in the plus column.

But even with all these goodies, I know some of you might feel you should have done something about near term human extinction. You’re guilty, I get it. You just feel bad. “If only, back in the seventies… “, you are saying to yourself. You feel you have no right to this windfall. You should have been more responsible. You and the other Baby Boomers, Greatest Generationists, Millennials, Generation Xers, whatever, should have stood up, put your bodies on the line, at least said something. Well, I’ve got news for you, buddy: Homo sapiens have been working this side of the street for quite some time. We drive other species to extinction. That’s what we do and we’ve been doing it for two hundred thousand years. Galapagos turtles, passenger pigeons, the great awk, whales, swordfish, buffalo, chestnut trees, ferns frogs lizards, butterflies and any other scrap of flora and fauna with a breath of life or a green leaf is, or soon will be, …toast. Welcome to the sixth mass extinction, playah. This is going to be the wildest party in the whole blooming universe, and you’re invited. Put on your happy face. It’s the grand finale. You don’t have to fret about not having bought that Yugo in the seventies.

Now, admittedly, this makes us the biggest baddest mofo on the green-blue world, and that is worth a shit-eating grin or two. So add a shit-eating grin or two on the plus side of the near-term human extinction ledger.

Homo Erectus started the party when he mastered fire at least four hundred thousand years ago. Before that it was eat and be eaten. In one fell swoop he became the big enchilada. He fire-scaped the countryside wiping out species he didn’t eat and encouraging those that he did. Hi, grandpa!

However, he was small potatoes compared to us, homo sapiens, so called. When Homo Sapiens, heir to Herr Erectus, made the scene in Europe about twenty thousand years ago he found Neanderthal man. Neanderthal man had lived in Europe for about two hundred thousand years, through a couple of ice ages, without, as far as we can tell, disturbing the ecology. Now I know you’ve got this picture of Neanderthal man as a sort of man-ape –bent, hairy, kind of stupid. But that, it turns out, was propaganda. They were much more like us than we like to think. As a matter of fact we had sex with them, produced children, and cared for those children. Neanderthal DNA can be as much as 4% of our own. No one knows whether IQ scores correspond to percentage of Neanderthal DNA.

Anyway, we rubbed them out along with a couple of other brother species. And we never looked back. So now we arrived at ourselves. What’s the problem? Let’s face it, we’re here. The biggest plus from near term human extinction is near term human extinction. Isn’t that what we’ve been working towards lo these many millennia?

More articles by:

Michael Doliner studied with Hannah Arendt at the University of Chicago and has taught at Valparaiso University and Ithaca College.

Weekend Edition
February 15, 2019
Friday - Sunday
Matthew Hoh
Time for Peace in Afghanistan and an End to the Lies
Chris Floyd
Pence and the Benjamins: An Eternity of Anti-Semitism
Rob Urie
The Green New Deal, Capitalism and the State
Jim Kavanagh
The Siege of Venezuela and the Travails of Empire
Paul Street
Someone Needs to Teach These As$#oles a Lesson
Andrew Levine
World Historical Donald: Unwitting and Unwilling Author of The Green New Deal
Ron Jacobs
Maduro, Guaidó and American Exceptionalism
Jeffrey St. Clair
Roaming Charges: Third Rail-Roaded
John Laforge
Nuclear Power Can’t Survive, Much Less Slow Climate Disruption
Joyce Nelson
Venezuela & The Mighty Wurlitzer
Eric Draitser
Impacts of Exploding US Oil Production on Climate and Foreign Policy
Jonathan Cook
In Hebron, Israel Removes the Last Restraint on Its Settlers’ Reign of Terror
Ramzy Baroud
Enough Western Meddling and Interventions: Let the Venezuelan People Decide
Robert Fantina
Congress, Israel and the Politics of “Righteous Indignation”
Dave Lindorff
Using Students, Teachers, Journalists and other Professionals as Spies Puts Everyone in Jeopardy
Kathy Kelly
What it Really Takes to Secure Peace in Afghanistan
Brian Cloughley
In Libya, “We Came, We Saw, He Died.” Now, Maduro?
Nicky Reid
The Councils Before Maduro!
Gary Leupp
“It’s All About the Benjamins, Baby”
Jon Rynn
What a Green New Deal Should Look Like: Filling in the Details
David Swanson
Will the U.S. Senate Let the People of Yemen Live?
Dana E. Abizaid
On Candace Owens’s Praise of Hitler
Raouf Halaby
‘Tiz Kosher for Elected Jewish U.S. Officials to Malign
Rev. William Alberts
Trump’s Deceitful God-Talk at the Annual National Prayer Breakfast
W. T. Whitney
Caribbean Crosswinds: Revolutionary Turmoil and Social Change 
Avoiding Authoritarian Socialism
Howard Lisnoff
Anti-Semitism, Racism, and Anti-immigrant Hate
Ralph Nader
The Realized Temptations of NPR and PBS
Cindy Garcia
Trump Pledged to Protect Families, Then He Deported My Husband
Thomas Knapp
Judicial Secrecy: Where Justice Goes to Die
Louis Proyect
The Revolutionary Films of Raymundo Gleyzer
Sarah Anderson
If You Hate Campaign Season, Blame Money in Politics
Victor Grossman
Contrary Creatures
Tamara Pearson
Children Battling Unhealthy Body Images Need a Different Narrative About Beauty
Peter Knutson
The Salmon Wars in the Pacific Northwest: Banning the Rough Customer
Binoy Kampmark
Means of Control: Russia’s Attempt to Hive Off the Internet
Robert Koehler
The Music That’s in All of Us
Norah Vawter
The Kids Might Save Us
Tracey L. Rogers
Freedom for All Begins With Freedom for the Most Marginalized
Paul Armentano
Marijuana Can Help Fight Opioid Abuse
Tom Clifford
Britain’s Return to the South China Sea
Graham Peebles
Young People Lead the Charge to Change the World
Matthew Stevenson
A Pacific Odyssey: Around General MacArthur’s Manila Stage Set
Jill Richardson
Suddenly, It’s Completely Normal for Women to Run for President
B. R. Gowani
Starbucks Guy Comes Out to Preserve Billionaire Species