All of Those Bezos

Some of these women
and men will contend
that, since the beginning,
the outcome was fated:
the bedbugs and cockroaches
recently mated – from
Cork to New York,
they’ve been getting it on
from Taiwan to Saskatchewan
from Hebron to the Amazon
their hybrid spawn have gone and spread
and fed from the blood in your head
in your bed – infesting the seams
of your pillows and clothes
and the cushions of airplanes
and all the train coaches
The bugs – the bed-roaches – the hybrid
the  offspring
have multiple names
In both Brooklyn and Queens
you know what they call those?
Those bugs are called bezos.
And all of the building’s are colonized,
and everybody’s terrorized –
since some of these bezos
are pineapple-sized and,
unlike bedbugs, they don’t hide
but roam outside, both day and night
And hypnotize us – in plain sight
each second minute every hour –
watching us washing ourselves
in the shower or walking along
past a luxury tower or
riding downtown in a subway car
a few may climb into your shoe and chew
right through, down to your bone
as you sit there like stone
benumbed by all their toxic fumes
curling and swirling around in the rooms
So, what can you do?
Well, you may need a crow –
the only way I know to fix the infestation
situation – crows outsmart them
and catch them, and eat them –
finding them delightful – so, go
get yourselves
a dozen crows – or a –
what is the word
for a whole bunch of those? For
that’s, they say, the only way
to rid the earth of these bezos –


Elliot Sperber is a writer, attorney, and adjunct professor. He lives in New York City and can be reached at and on twitter @elliot_sperber