FacebookTwitterGoogle+RedditEmail

Brett Goes to School 

Little Brett has been a busy boy. Mom and dad sent him off to Georgetown, an expensive prep school in Maryland, where he would learn how to lead those citizens who lacked his understanding of what they needed. Mom and dad knew that he would receive an education much better than those offered in the public schools. He’d be prepared to assume his anointed position in society. The Jesuits were in charge at Georgetown, and they had a great reputation for educating youngsters like Brett.

Little Brett arrived at Georgetown and set out to learn everything mom and dad had learned when they were still youngsters. The boy went straight to work. He went to bed early, woke up early, got plenty of exercise, and never missed a class. When not mastering the finer points of chemistry, physics, math, history, literature, and other wisdom from the past, Brett liked to attend wholesome parties with other boys, where he would learn how to eat, drink, and rape.

The rape didn’t go as well as he would have liked. The victim attended a prep school for young ladies, and she hadn’t learned how to get raped gracefully. She fought her way out of the party and escaped all the fun little Brett had in mind.

Many years later, Brett found himself in need of a job on the Supreme Court of the United States, which is housed in a building just a short distance from Brett’s prep school in Maryland. Little Donny Trump had decided that Brett was the right boy for the job. The Court already had a serial harasser on the bench. Brett would add a new accomplishment to the team. Donny himself had already proven his skills as abuser, groper, and harasser, but he wasn’t interested in becoming a Justice on the Supreme Court. He simply wanted to go home someday and build another failed casino in Atlantic City.

But just when Brett was about to win the job he so desperately wanted, the girl from the party in Maryland returned to challenge his appointment. She was no longer the fifteen-year-old child Brett had met at the party when he was only seventeen. She was now a college professor, and she was pissed.

Then, as luck would have it, more women began to emerge from Brett’s past at Georgetown, Yale University, and other places yet unnamed. The poop hit Brett’s fan, and it has now spread all over his landscape. The boy may still get the job, but we’ll never forget what happened a long time ago in sunny Maryland.

More articles by:

December 10, 2018
Jacques R. Pauwels
Foreign Interventions in Revolutionary Russia
Richard Klin
The Disasters of War
Katie Fite
Rebranding Bundy
Gary Olson
A Few Thoughts on Politics and Personal Identity
Patrick Cockburn
Brexit Britain’s Crisis of Self-Confidence Will Only End in Tears and Rising Nationalism
Andrew Moss
Undocumented Citizen
Dean Baker
Trump and China: Going With Patent Holders Against Workers
Lawrence Wittner
Reviving the Nuclear Disarmament Movement: a Practical Proposal
Dan Siegel
Thoughts on the 2018 Elections and Beyond
Thomas Knapp
Election 2020: I Can Smell the Dumpster Fires Already
Weekend Edition
December 07, 2018
Friday - Sunday
Steve Hendricks
What If We Just Buy Off Big Fossil Fuel? A Novel Plan to Mitigate the Climate Calamity
Jeffrey St. Clair
Cancer as Weapon: Poppy Bush’s Radioactive War on Iraq
Paul Street
The McCain and Bush Death Tours: Establishment Rituals in How to be a Proper Ruler
Jason Hirthler
Laws of the Jungle: The Free Market and the Continuity of Change
Ajamu Baraka
The Universal Declaration of Human Rights at 70: Time to De-Colonize Human Rights!
Andrew Levine
Thoughts on Strategy for a Left Opposition
Jennifer Matsui
Dead of Night Redux: A Zombie Rises, A Spook Falls
Rob Urie
Degrowth: Toward a Green Revolution
Binoy Kampmark
The Bomb that Did Not Detonate: Julian Assange, Manafort and The Guardian
Robert Hunziker
The Deathly Insect Dilemma
Robert Fisk
Spare Me the American Tears for the Murder of Jamal Khashoggi
Joseph Natoli
Tribal Justice
Ron Jacobs
Getting Pushed Off the Capitalist Cliff
Macdonald Stainsby
Unist’ot’en Camp is Under Threat in Northern Canada
Senator Tom Harkin
Questions for Vice-President Bush on Posada Carriles
W. T. Whitney
Two Years and Colombia’s Peace Agreement is in Shreds
Ron Jacobs
Getting Pushed Off the Capitalist Cliff
Ramzy Baroud
The Conspiracy Against Refugees
David Rosen
The Swamp Stinks: Trump & Washington’s Rot
Raouf Halaby
Wall-to-Wall Whitewashing
Daniel Falcone
Noam Chomsky Turns 90
Dean Baker
An Inverted Bond Yield Curve: Is a Recession Coming?
Nick Pemberton
The Case For Chuck Mertz (Not Noam Chomsky) as America’s Leading Intellectual
Ralph Nader
New Book about Ethics and Whistleblowing for Engineers Affects Us All!
Dan Kovalik
The Return of the Nicaraguan Contras, and the Rise of the Pro-Contra Left
Jeremy Kuzmarov
Exposing the Crimes of the CIAs Fair-Haired Boy, Paul Kagame, and the Rwandan Patriotic Front
Jasmine Aguilera
Lessons From South of the Border
Manuel García, Jr.
A Formula for U.S. Election Outcomes
Sam Pizzigati
Drug Company Execs Make Millions Misleading Cancer Patients. Here’s One Way to Stop Them
Kollibri terre Sonnenblume
Agriculture as Wrong Turn
James McEnteer
And That’s The Way It Is: Essential Journalism Books of 2018
Chris Gilbert
Biplav’s Communist Party of Nepal on the Move: Dispatch by a Far-Flung Bolivarian
Judith Deutsch
Siloed Thinking, Climate, and Disposable People: COP 24 and Our Discontent
Jill Richardson
Republicans Don’t Want Your Vote to Count
John Feffer
‘Get Me Outta Here’: Trump Turns the G20 into the G19
FacebookTwitterGoogle+RedditEmail