FacebookTwitterRedditEmail

New Information from Trump White House Insider

Last week a man I’ll call Guido Bartalucci, a former Trump White House insider, asked to meet with me at a bar in Queens to discuss his knowledge of the “Trump traitor” who inveighed against the president in the infamous New York Times op-ed now making the rounds.

He was angry about the op-ed.

“Listen, you’ve heard that amonimous guy in the Jew York Times,”  Bartalucci told me. “I know it’s a guy as we don’t allow women in the inner circle.   Trump tinks we’re all closet fags but whatevah.  Mr. Secret inside the cabinet doesn’t git to close to haf of it.”

“Da real issue is rape.  What the Times ebitorial doesn’t get at it is we need more rape.   It’s a bootiful thing when we get away wit it.  Don’t, dat’s a problem.”

The public good, said Bartalucci, is like a woman, and “when you rape a woman, you haf to make her beleef it’s good fah her.  Obama was much fockin better at dis than Trump.”

“First of all, lotta sweet tawkin.  Here’s a cunt, you wanna get in her legs, whattaya doo?  You lie, you boolshit.   Obama, eh oh, whattevah you tink of him, advanced the rape agenda in ways we need now to umppreciate.   He knew what he was doon.”

“Rape of these bitches, meenin da public, has been Republican policy fah years, fuhgeddaboutit.  But Donald Trump dodn’t understand that in order to fuckin bust a nut in dah public eye we haf to pretend no one’s bustin a nut.”

“Sorta when you got a chick who’s real drunk, you tell her, ah sheeze, I’m gonna take ya home, efferyting’s gon’ be fine.   It’s like my uncle yoosed to tell me.  And den yoo take her home and every’ting’s not so fine.”

A system in which we can rape public goods freely requires, as Guido put it, “a sahlid figahhead who pretents otterwise.  Dat’s the problem wit’ Trump.  He’s open.  A frickin nightmare.  Yoo can’t be tawking way he does.  It’s, uh, whattaya callit, inemefficient.  Eefficiensee is what we’re all about.  That’s why my friend in the cabinet wrote dat shit for the Times.”

More articles by:

Christopher Ketcham is the author of the forthcoming “This Land: How Cowboys, Capitalism and Corruption are Ruining the American West,” out in July 2019 from Viking-Penguin.  He can be reached at cketcham99@mindspring.com.

March 21, 2019
Daniel Warner
And Now Algeria
Eric Draitser
On Ilhan Omar, Assad Fetishism, and the Danger of Red-Brown “Anti-Imperialism”
Elizabeth Keyes
Broadway’s “Hamilton” and the Willing Suspension of Reality-Based Moral Consciousness
David Underhill
Optional Fatherhood Liberates Christians From Abortion Jihad
Dean Baker
The Wall Street Bailouts, Bernie and the Washington Post
Russell Mokhiber
The Boeing Blackout
William Astore
America’s Senior Generals Find No Exits From Endless War
Jeff Hauser – Eleanor Eagan
Boeing Debacle Shows Need to Investigate Trump-era Corruption
Ramzy Baroud
Uniting Fatah, Not Palestinians: The Dubious Role of Mohammed Shtayyeh
Nick Pemberton
Is Kamala Harris The Centrist We Need?
Nick Licata
All Southern States are Not the Same: Mississippi’s Challenge
Jesse Jackson
Trump’s Sly Encouragement of Lawless Violence
Cesar Chelala
Public Health Challenges in Latin America and the Caribbean
March 20, 2019
T.J. Coles
Countdown to “Full Spectrum Dominance”
W. T. Whitney
Re-Targeting Cuba: Why Title III of U.S. Helms-Burton Act will be a Horror Show
Kenneth Surin
Ukania’s Great Privatization Heist
Howard Lisnoff
“Say It Ain’t So, Joe:” the Latest Neoliberal from the War and Wall Street Party
Walter Clemens
Jailed Birds of a Feather May Sing Together
George Ochenski
Failing Students on Climate Change
Cesar Chelala
The Sweet Smell of Madeleine
Binoy Kampmark
Global Kids Strike
Nicky Reid
Where Have All the Flowers Gone?: Requiem for a Fictional Party
Elliot Sperber
Empedocles and You and Me 
March 19, 2019
Paul Street
Socialism Curiously Trumps Fascism in U.S. Political Threat Reporting
Jonah Raskin
Guy Standing on Anxiety, Anger and Alienation: an Interview About “The Precariat”
Patrick Cockburn
The Brutal Legacy of Bloody Sunday is a Powerful Warning to Those Hoping to Save Brexit
Robert Fisk
Turning Algeria Into a Necrocracy
John Steppling
Day of Wrath
Robin Philpot
Truth, Freedom and Peace Will Prevail in Rwanda
Victor Grossman
Women Marchers and Absentees
Binoy Kampmark
The Dangers of Values: Brenton Tarrant, Fraser Anning and the Christchurch Shootings
Jeff Sher
Let Big Pharma Build the Wall
Jimmy Centeno
Venezuela Beneath the Skin of Imperialism
Jeffrey Sommers – Christopher Fons
Scott Walker’s Failure, Progressive Wisconsin’s Win: Milwaukee’s 2020 Democratic Party Convention
Steve Early
Time for Change at NewsGuild?
March 18, 2019
Scott Poynting
Terrorism Has No Religion
Ipek S. Burnett
Black Lives on Trial
John Feffer
The World’s Most Dangerous Divide
Paul Cochrane
On the Ground in Venezuela vs. the Media Spectacle
Dean Baker
The Fed and the 3.8 Percent Unemployment Rate
Thomas Knapp
Social Media Companies “Struggle” to Help Censors Keep us in the Dark
Binoy Kampmark
Death in New Zealand: The Christchurch Shootings
Mark Weisbrot
The Reality Behind Trump’s Venezuela Regime Change Coalition
Weekend Edition
March 15, 2019
Friday - Sunday
Andrew Levine
Is Ilhan Omar Wrong…About Anything?
Kenn Orphan
Grieving in the Anthropocene
FacebookTwitterRedditEmail