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Is This What You Want, Buddy?

Dear Buddy,

I’ve been worried about you. How are you getting along without a country? Last I heard you were stuck in that broken down bus known as the old U S of A. Didn’t that thing lose its steering after they ripped out the old Constitution? Now, shit, you tell me the brakes are shot and the passengers are what? Bat shit? Still talking about the Democratic Party as if it were, you know, a thing? Trying to shoe-horn yet another Clintonista into the driver’s seat. Hey, look on the bright side. It might only be mad cow. You can hope. Anyway, enough of Trump, Hilary, Republicans, Democrats and the whole God awful stew of yesterday’s news. Good-bye to the whole have-your-cake-and-bomb-them-too mentality. Bury the fuckers. It’s over. Good riddance.

The question is what are you going to do now, player? I mean that bus is headed down the mountain. All the f’ing passingers are screaming. “do something! Do something!” But there’s not one f’ing asshole on the whole God damned bus who can act. I know, scientists are revealing truths, politicians scheming and babbling incoherently, but hey, who is shitting whom? All that means jack. It’s out of f’ing control! It’s obvious. The land of the free and the home of the brave? No man, it’s an improvised explosive device tied to a runaway bus. Where is right and where wrong? Who the fuck’s got his finger on the nukes? Two to one his other finger is up his ass. What’s the dot gov doing man? The vehicle is smashing into people, wrecking countries. What for? Democracy? Excuse me? It is death in the largefamily size, plain and simple. And the family is your family, Buddy..

The whole world watches with horror while this out-of-control motherfucker careens down the mountain. This sad remains of a country is smashing everything up. I know, I know, it’s the deep state, pulling levers, wrenching the wheel, pumping pedals but it don’t mean shit. That’s because the deep-state is bonkers, stupid, vicious and never learned to drive an out-of-control motherfucker like this baby. That is, if the deep-state exists. I mean who the fuck knows? Anyway, the shit they pull, if they really pull shit, is not going to save their asses let alone yours.

So why is the deep-state still in control? What keeps the deep-state in control of this out-of-control mother fucker? Assuming they exist of course. Nothing about them is legitimate. The whole dot gov thing is a punch and judy show with a stick of dynamite up its ass. Secretly, behind the scenes the deep state is babbling out of f’ing control. They are hopeless on every count. Still they slip the bullshit to the bullshitters and everyone toddles along behind.

How does it work? How does the bullshit get to the bullshitter. Deep-state guys must tell non-deep-state guys to do things, or convey to them that they should do things in some circuitous underhand deep-state way, right? That is if there really are deep-state guys. I mean it’s non-deep-state guys who actually do the dirty work, correct? Deep-state guys don’t actually do shit. Deep-state guys get things done with hints and signs and shit and who knows what to signal their pleasure or displeasure to non-deep-state guys who toddle off in service to the deep state guys who may or may not exist. Non-deep-state guys learn to divine deep-state guys’ desires even without nods and winks and whatever. It’s all one big bollocks of bosses and lackeys and subtle hints and raised eyebrows and gobs of hypocrisy to cover over a cuckoo, vicious, moronic, and totally fucked up pile of deep-state shit. Of course now I’m talking about the highest level.

But deep-state guys, if they exist, are still just guys, right? I mean, they are just guys! Why are those non-deep-state guys kissing their butts? Given the obvious cluelessness of the deep-state guys hinting the planet into the crapper, isn’t your obedience a little, how should I put it, dumb? I know those deep-state guys are awesome, but come on. It’s just habit, isn’t it? I mean the USA, aside from being this out-of-control bomb, is now just a bad habit, isn’t it? Courts? Elections? Constitution? Forget about it. It’s just habit. There’s no rhyme or reason, even for the deep-state guys. And given that it’s taking us to the crapper, a bad habit. Forget about the founding fathers, this shit is really happening, dude.

I suppose you could get money and power so-called from sucking up, but is that enough to trade for species extinction? What good is toddling along behind the deep state guys on a planet cooked well-done? Why not, as Nancy Reagan put it, just say no? Okay, deep-state guys will be deep-state guys. I sure as hell am not going to talk them out of it, even though they are being stupid. They are going to deep-state themselves right into deep do do, assuming they exist. But you, kid, you! Are you ready to crash headfirst into eternity? Is this a new sexual orientation?

Now I’m sure you don’t need any more proof that everything is fucked up and on the way to the crapper. All roads lead to shit. That, I think, is one thing everyone can agree to. The bedrock of civilized conversation. So that’s why I skipped that part. Maybe it’s a hundred years, maybe two hundred. It’s hard to imagine more. Most likely much less, more like fifteen or two, but what do I know? After whatever, eternity. The difference is the difference of a blink of an eye. Anyway, what I want to ask is, is that okay with you?

Now before you get your knickers in a twist let me just say I am not trying to get you to do anything you don’t want to do. I’m not going to say, “it’s all going to shit unless…” Unless..? No, buddy. I don’t think there is an “unless”. Disabuse yourself of that “unless”. We’re headed for the crapper. Period, full stop.

Don’t believe me? Still of the what-me-worry persuasion? How about alternative fuels? If we are gobbling down energy of any kind we will burn hydrocarbons. If nobody is using them they will be cheap. Laws won’t stop deep-state people from finding a way to make a buck. And poverty makes laws disappear. In industrial civilization we always want more– vacations, houses, cars, entertainment. And industrial civilization needs to sell us more. Chug all the alternative fuels you want, we will still want more. We will fight for more and so need armies, navies and cyber-warriors. Militaries will use hydrocarbons and fuck you if you don’t like it. If it’s there we will use it. Industrial civilization always needs more. Only the end of industrial civilization will end hydrocarbon burning and that ain’t happening, buster. No, babe, the rock has begun to roll. It would take an absolute all-out mobilization of the entire species in a unified well-organized crash-course of action to eliminate industrial civilization without blowing up the world to give the planet even the ghost of a chance of a snowball in a steaming pile of shit. So that all-out effort will almost certainly fail. I hope that’s not too alarmist.

So no, I don’t expect you to do anything, Buddy. Put your mind to rest. The planet is barbecuing, shit is spreading, people are getting upset, and the deep-state is doubling down in order to pursue an astonishingly stupid mind-fuck of world-domination, — unless they don’t exist in which case nobody is steering the fucking bus. Put it all together and it spells bye-bye.

Hey, know what? Every deep-state guy, if he exists, is pursuing a sub-rosa scheme to feather a tropical-island bolt-hole nest a la Saddam. A comfy little hidey-hole for our bird-brained leaders. They plan to skip out and lay low in style when whatever hits the whatever. Maybe you can flap your way to one of those with them? Kiss the right ass and win a trip to cloud-cuckoo land. When the champagne runs out and they scamper aboard their jets maybe you can hitch a ride as drink steward or just stow away like a bed bug.

Of course that won’t last long. In the end you just dry up into a parasite’s remains, the fossil of an exoskeleton. Is that what you want, Buddy? To end up as a kind of parasitic remains? This, I admit, is what I am worried about. You, Buddy, you! Buddy, you’re not a tapeworm. You’re better than that. Wouldn’t it be better to make this all-out last-ditch effort even if it is, in all likelihood, futile? Wouldn’t that be a better, a nobler way to go than sucking blood til the earth runs dry! Killing people, destroying cities, fucking up every place you are not? So if you think it would be a good idea to make this effort, it might be worthwhile to ask just what this effort would entail. I mean for fucking real.

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Michael Doliner studied with Hannah Arendt at the University of Chicago and has taught at Valparaiso University and Ithaca College.

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