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On Guard, Canada: Trump’s Latest Tweet Storm

Canada is worried about Donald Trump’s latest Tweetstorm.  Maybe it should be.

It started with some seemingly innocuous if strange insults last Saturday morning at 4 AM:

Donald J. Trump @realDonaldTrump: “Oh Canada: you invented ice hockey but you haven’t won a Stanley Cup in 24 years.  Terrible!  P.S.: Too many donuts at Tim Hortons?”

Donald J. Trump @realDonaldTrump: “My father took me to a Rangers game when I was a kid and they played the Canadian National Anthem in our big beautiful Madison Square Garden.  Horrible!”

Donald J. Trump @realDonaldTrump: “Justin Trudeau is a great guy.  But he doesn’t have what it takes to Make Canada Great Again.  Too bad!”

Donald J. Trump @realDonaldTrump: “Name a great Canadian…oh, wait, you can’t.  I’d like to see Wayne Gretzky quarterback the New England Patriots.  Good luck with that, ‘Great One’!”

Donald J. Trump @realDonaldTrump: “Ivanka and I watched the ‘Red Green Show’ the other night.  Worst show ever.  Canada should be ashamed!”

But then, about 20 minutes into Trump’s Twitter outburst, things got more serious:

Donald J. Trump @realDonald Trump: “Canada stole our property with its Underground Railroad.  Time to pay America back!” (Many Black slaves were smuggled out of the US. south and into northern states and Canada by the abolitionists’ “Underground Railroad”).

Donald J. Trump @realDonaldTrump: “Canada, we have not forgotten Lake Champlain!” (This must be a reference to U.S. General Henry Dearborn’s failed effort to march into Canada and seize Montreal during the War of 1812.  Dearborn’s campaign floundered on the shores of Lake Champlain).

Donald J. Trump @realDonaldTrump: “Canada you can never build a wall strong enough to keep our big beautiful soldiers off your soil.  Slap-shots will never defeat the world’s greatest fighting force!”

A final provocative Tweet want out at 4:45 am before Trump turned his attention to his ongoing Twitter feud with Arnold Schwarzenegger:

Donald J. Trump @realDonaldTrump : “Have just learned that ISIS is moving into Alberta Tar Sands.  Sharia law and North American energy do NOT mix! Time for us to go back into Canada & this time get the oil?”

Asked to explain the President’s latest Tweets, white house spokesperson Sarah Huckabee Sanders said that the President has asked Steve Bannon and a “crack team “of Breitbart News investigators to see if there is any truth to “disturbing rumors the president heard on the radio.”   Trump learned from right- wing talk-show host Mark Levin that Islamic State cells has been formed in Alberta. “The president believes the threat is real,” said Mrs. Sanders.

Inside White House sources report that Trump is upset about recent reports of poor sales for his daughter’s perfume brand in Montreal, Toronto, Edmonton, and Vancouver.

Democratic Senate Majority Leader Charles Schumer (D, NY) told NBC News Sunday that an independent task force should investigate ties between Trump, his Secretary of State Rex Tillerson, and Moscow.  A recent CIA report suggests that Trump, his top diplomat, and Russian officials may be working with Canadian nationalists to build a pipeline that would carry Alberta tar sands oil through Alaska and into Siberia.  “Again,” Schumer said, “we have real concerns that merit investigation relating to Russian interference in our political process.”

House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) backed Schumer’s call for an inquiry into “the Russian connection.”

There are no signs of increased U.S. military activity on Canada’s borders.  But small groups of American white nationalists brandishing assault weapons along with Charley Daniels CDs and U.S. and Confederate flags have gathered at different points on Canada’s southern border.  They are denouncing “Sharia Law, Canadian style” and calling for Canada to pay reparations for “the property they stole with their illegal Underground Railroad.”

As Ray Dickerson, a 67-year old U.S. military veteran peering through binoculars into the woods of Saskatchewan explained, “Those were American slaves, by God and country.  Subways are for sodomites and liberals in New York City.”

“I thought Muslims didn’t eat pork,” quipped Chuck Dithers, a 35-year-old unemployed Tennessean standing guard with an AR-15 rifle next to Dickerson, “but now they can’t get enough Canadian Bacon! Trump’ll show them some home cooking dang sure.”

The right-wing onetime rock and roll guitarist Ted Nugent responded to Trump’s Tweets by heading to northern Michigan’s Ontario border-crossing with a bow rifle.  He’s looking, he says, to “bag a Sharia Law Canadio Muslim buck, by God.” He added that “Uncle Ted isn’t going to put up with any nonsense from cannuck commies and Islamo-terrorists. No sir!”

Beyond a blanket denial that Islamic State has any presence in or near the Alberta tar sands region, the Canadian Prime Minister’s office in Ottawa has yet to comment on Trump’s latest Twitter fusillade.  But inside sources say that Trudeau is concerned.  He has asked Canada’s military intelligence to assess the seriousness of any threats of U.S. invasion going forward.

A spokesperson for Vladimir Putin said the Russian premier “does not understand” Trump’s latest Twitter outburst.  The Kremlin dismissed the notion that Moscow has any designs on Canadian tar sands oil.

AM Amalgamated Media (19.84 hours ago)

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Paul Street’s latest book is They Rule: The 1% v. Democracy (Paradigm, 2014)

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