FacebookTwitterGoogle+RedditEmail

Trump Names Melania His Secretary of State

In a surprise announcement, President-elect Donald Trump has announced that his wife, Melania, will become his Secretary of State. “Her statements on bullying convinced me that she’s the strong person the country needs. She’ll be able to sand up to foreign governments that threaten us with their aggression. It’s a win-win decision for the United States. Win-win. Win.”

The announcement came as no surprise once his followers learned of Trump’s preference for family members as members of his Cabinet, along with the added value of the Trump name and its focus on monetizing its potential. Mrs. Trump will serve without pay in order to avert nepotism laws.

Some of the other candidates considered for the position were less than sanguine about the decision. Rudy Giuliani muttered, “She’s got a great international perspective. After all, she’s been a successful model on two different continents and has experience as an undocumented immigrant.” Political pundits observed that Melania’s experience is stronger than Sarah Palin’s gazing at Russia from her front porch.

Trump watchers—initially surprised by family members being given important positions in his administration—learned over the weekend one likely reason for these decisions. In a leaked email on Wikileaks, Trump’s son-in-law, Jared Kushner, revealed that Donald Trump is dyslexic and that he cannot read. “We read all documents aloud to him and then he makes his decisions based on what he has heard. It’s a remarkably successful process that has always worked getting him the greatest business deals.”

When Jared was asked about his own clearance to sit in on national security meetings, he confessed that the reason was related to his father-in-law’s learning disability. “But don’t worry about that. Melania can read Slovenian. And we’re thinking about getting a clearance for Barron, who will be sitting in on the meetings anyway and drawing.”

Speaking for the left, Elizabeth Warren remarked about all of the developments of the Trump transition team, “What do you expect from a kakistocracy?”

More articles by:

Charles R. Larson is Emeritus Professor of Literature at American University, in Washington, D.C. Email = clarson@american.edu. Twitter @LarsonChuck.

August 20, 2018
Carl Boggs
The Road to Disaster?
James Munson
“Not With a Bomb, But a Whimper” … Then More Bombs.
Jonathan Cook
Corbyn’s Labour Party is Being Made to Fail –By Design
Robert Fisk
A US Trade War With Turkey Over a Pastor? Don’t Believe It
Howard Lisnoff
The Mass Media’s Outrage at Trump: Why the Surprise?
Faisal Khan
A British Muslim’s Perspective on the Burkha Debate
Andrew Kahn
Inhumanity Above the Clouds
Dan Glazebrook
Trump’s New Financial War on the Global South
George Wuerthner
Why the Gallatin Range Deserves Protection
Ted Rall
Is Trump a Brand-New Weird Existential Threat? No.
Sheldon Richman
For the Love of Reason
Susie Day
Why Pundits Scare Me
Dean Baker
Does France’s Economy Need to Be Renewed?
Weekend Edition
August 17, 2018
Friday - Sunday
Daniel Wolff
The Aretha Dialogue
Nick Pemberton
Donald Trump and the Rise of Patriotism 
Joseph Natoli
First Amendment Rights and the Court of Popular Opinion
Andrew Levine
Midterms 2018: What’s There to Hope For?
Robert Hunziker
Hothouse Earth
Jeffrey St. Clair
Roaming Charges: Running Out of Fools
Ajamu Baraka
Opposing Bipartisan Warmongering is Defending Human Rights of the Poor and Working Class
Paul Street
Corporate Media: the Enemy of the People
David Macaray
Trump and the Sex Tape
CJ Hopkins
Where Have All the Nazis Gone?
Daniel Falcone
The Future of NATO: an Interview With Richard Falk
Cesar Chelala
The Historic Responsibility of the Catholic Church
Ron Jacobs
The Barbarism of US Immigration Policy
Kenneth Surin
In Shanghai
William Camacaro - Frederick B. Mills
The Military Option Against Venezuela in the “Year of the Americas”
Nancy Kurshan
The Whole World Was Watching: Chicago ’68, Revisited
Robert Fantina
Yemeni and Palestinian Children
Alexandra Isfahani-Hammond
Orcas and Other-Than-Human Grief
Shoshana Fine – Thomas Lindemann
Migrants Deaths: European Democracies and the Right to Not Protect?
Paul Edwards
Totally Irrusianal
Thomas Knapp
Murphy’s Law: Big Tech Must Serve as Censorship Subcontractors
Mark Ashwill
More Demons Unleashed After Fulbright University Vietnam Official Drops Rhetorical Bombshells
Ralph Nader
Going Fundamental Eludes Congressional Progressives
Hans-Armin Ohlmann
My Longest Day: How World War II Ended for My Family
Matthew Funke
The Nordic Countries Aren’t Socialist
Daniel Warner
Tiger Woods, Donald Trump and Crime and Punishment
Dave Lindorff
Mainstream Media Hypocrisy on Display
Jeff Cohen
Democrats Gather in Chicago: Elite Party or Party of the People?
Victor Grossman
Stand Up With New Hope in Germany?
Christopher Brauchli
A Family Affair
Jill Richardson
Profiting From Poison
Patrick Bobilin
Moving the Margins
FacebookTwitterGoogle+RedditEmail