FacebookTwitterGoogle+RedditEmail

A History of Mankind in 1250 Words or Less

There is one consistent theme in the history of mankind:  Domination and control of the weak and vulnerable by the powerful and cunning.  The folks who have pulled all the strings and made all the decisions since the first humanoids stood upright and discovered their thumbs seem to possess a gene which triggers an obsessive compulsive urge to collect and hoard an obscene amount of resources. This at the expense of all the lesser people and to the detriment and very health of what was once a pretty, blue planet.

Since I wasn’t on hand for the beginning of this seemingly endless cycle, I can only assume that the gene appeared in the genome of a frighteningly aggressive and exceedingly powerful Neanderthal a few hundred thousand years ago.  For lack of a better name, let’s call him “Trump”.

Now Trump had his world by the huevos.  His cave was full to overflowing with mastodon and giant sloth meat, purloined from others.  He wore the finest saber tooth tiger tunic and loincloth he could steal.  Uncooperative victims of his greed were often subdued with a skull-crushing rock.  Trump’s reputation as a scoundrel was known far and wide.  His power always prevailed and his neighbors paid the price.  “I’ve been Trumped.”  became a local cliche’ to his many victims.

In spite of his physical prowess and wealth, Trump had a real problem with the ladies.  Although he could have been a good provider for prospective mates, the girls were repulsed by his despicable demeanor, bad manners, and strange unruly hair.  Besides, his cave reeked of rancid mastodon meat.  So Trump did what untold generations of his progeny would repeat ad infinitum.  He grabbed whatever female he fancied, bred with her until he could breed no more, threw her into his stinking, disgusting cave, and rolled a five hundred pound boulder in front of the entrance.  Thus Trump invented murder, theft, rape, and prison, all by his 19th birthday.

As Trump grew old his authority grew tenfold.  A cave full of breeding women had given him several dozen physically strong and aggressive sons.  The spawn of Trump possessed the gene which made them adept murderers, thieves, and rapists.  People far and wide feared and revered the Trumps.  They gladly turned over their food and skins in exchange for protection.  Protection from the wrath of the Trumps and from marauding neighboring settlements.  Trump taught his sons the art of attaching skull-crushing rocks to sticks, thereby expanding the Trump territory and bringing a large population under their control by way of force.  Thus by the time of his death, Trump had invented weapons, war, nations, and taxes.

As the centuries passed, the earth was gradually carved into an ever-changing jigsaw puzzle of kingdoms.  The progeny of Trump were now kings and businessmen, and were still in charge.  Of course the gene for selfish overindulgence and cruelty remained their guiding light.  Sociopaths, psychopaths, and miscreants had complete control of society and made all important decisions.  Scofflaws from the lower classes filled dungeons and prisons.  The lesser people fought Trump wars and paid taxes to finance them.  A world-wide arms race was in full swing.  As usual, chaos and turmoil ruled the day.

One billion people in 1800 had grown to nearly seven billion by the year 2000.  Massive Trump-owned animal farms were now used to feed the huddled masses of wage-slaves.  Cattle by the millions were packed into sprawling, stinking dairy/meat plants.  Conditions were deplorable and inhumane at best.  Pigs, chickens, and turkeys were grown and processed in a similar fashion.  Animals were force-bred, born,  pumped full of growth hormones to maximize bulk and expedite their slaughter, all within the same pens and cages.  More often than not within spaces so small they were unable to turn around.

By now the descendants of Trump wore Armani suits, drove Mercedes automobiles, lived in sprawling gated mansions with heated toilet seats, granite counters, 12 car garages, oversized swimming pools, and armed security guards.  Personal assistants, maids, and gardeners tended to their every need with seamless perfection.  Trumps controlled national and local governments, industry, police departments, military establishments, food sources, water, and were diligently searching for a way to extract profit from the air we breathe.

The scions of Trump had become extremely adept at controlling their wage-slave workforce by means of a sophisticated system of national boundaries.  Fences and walls were widely used to control the lesser humans within the national borders of their countries of origin.  These physical impediments to world-wide locomotion could only be breached by one of two methods.  They could be scaled, tunneled beneath, or destroyed by those seeking to relocate, or the prospective relocatee could prove a sufficient net worth in US Dollars or foreign equivalent, and be welcomed with open arms into virtually any country on earth.

Those crossing national borders by force or stealth were considered undocumented illegals or terrorists.  Those who possessed the price of admission were called ex-patriots, world travelers, or entrepreneurs.  Those operating outside the Laws of Trump were hunted down, imprisoned, deported or shot dead.  Those with bank accounts, credit cards, and stock portfolios were welcomed virtually everywhere, and travelled the world at will.  The workforce had to be controlled, while Trumps and their friends were free to roam the earth.

Unfortunately for the lesser humans, capitalism had morphed into such a toxic form that poverty among the masses was increasing at an alarming rate.  The consuming class was becoming superfluous and the beast of capitalism was beginning to swallow its own tail.  The Trumps now owned nearly everything.  But “nearly” wasn’t nearly good enough.  Using their genetic gifts, the Trumps put their heads together and did their best to suck the last few precious drops of prosperity out of the minions of little people.

To accomplish their goal the Trumps began creating random acts of violence and chaos.  Mysterious disasters began happening.  Airplanes flew into skyscrapers, demolishing structures and slaughtering occupants.  Trains and public buildings blew up.  Suicide bombers and automatic weapons filled the air with fear.  Foreign terrorists were blamed.  The war machine screamed into high gear as wars were waged on multiple fronts to extract all remaining resources.  Trump-owned media companies preached fear and loathing as the public gasped in pant-wetting unison.  The arms industry cranked out ships, tanks, missiles, bombs of all shapes and sizes, fighter jets, landmines, drones, and obscene profits.  Police departments treated every citizen as a potential terrorist.  Ports, airports, and train stations became search and seizure operations.  Incarcerated legions of slave laborers filled private prisons.  It appeared that all was lost.  We’d been Trumped.

It’s always darkest just before the dawn, and from my lofty dream perch I can see a faint light emanating from several sources.  Faint but full of promise.  Far away on the western horizon Russia and China have been glowing with hope.  And there’s Iran!  To the south bright flames have begun to light the sky as torches of liberty are held high.  Cuba and Venezuela glow brighter than most, but Nicaragua, Bolivia, Brazil, Ecuador, Argentina, Chile, and Uruguay are joining in with enthusiasm.  Some lights have been temporarily extinguished by the Trumps.  Although they try to keep the world in darkness, their days are numbered.  Look there!  In the far distance South Africa and Eritria burn with freedom.  Look again.  More lights.  And yet more.

More articles by:

John R. Hall is a writer living in Hawai’i.

Weekend Edition
April 20, 2018
Friday - Sunday
Paul Street
Ruling Class Operatives Say the Darndest Things: On Devils Known and Not
Conn Hallinan
The Great Game Comes to Syria
Jeffrey St. Clair
Roaming Charges: Mother of War
Andrew Levine
“How Come?” Questions
Doug Noble
A Tale of Two Atrocities: Douma and Gaza
Kenneth Surin
The Blight of Ukania
Howard Lisnoff
How James Comey Became the Strange New Hero of the Liberals
William Blum
Anti-Empire Report: Unseen Persons
Lawrence Davidson
Missiles Over Damascus
Patrick Cockburn
The Plight of the Yazidi of Afrin
Pete Dolack
Fooled Again? Trump Trade Policy Elevates Corporate Power
Stan Cox
For Climate Mobilization, Look to 1960s Vietnam Before Turning to 1940s America
William Hawes
Global Weirding
Dan Glazebrook
World War is Still in the Cards
Nick Pemberton
In Defense of Cardi B: Beyond Bourgeois PC Culture
Ishmael Reed
Hollywood’s Last Days?
Peter Certo
There Was Nothing Humanitarian About Our Strikes on Syria
Dean Baker
China’s “Currency Devaluation Game”
Ann Garrison
Why Don’t We All Vote to Commit International Crimes?
LEJ Rachell
The Baddest Black Power Artist You Never Heard Of
Lawrence Ware
All Hell Broke Out in Oklahoma
Franklin Lamb
Tehran’s Syria: Lebanon Colonization Project is Collapsing
Donny Swanson
Janus v. AFSCME: What’s It All About?
Will Podmore
Brexit and the Windrush Britons
Brian Saady
Boehner’s Marijuana Lobbying is Symptomatic of Special-Interest Problem
Julian Vigo
Google’s Delisting and Censorship of Information
Patrick Walker
Political Dynamite: Poor People’s Campaign and the Movement for a People’s Party
Fred Gardner
Medical Board to MDs: Emphasize Dangers of Marijuana
Rob Seimetz
We Must Stand In Solidarity With Eric Reid
Missy Comley Beattie
Remembering Barbara Bush
Wim Laven
Teaching Peace in a Time of Hate
Thomas Knapp
Freedom is Winning in the Encryption Arms Race
Mir Alikhan
There Won’t be Peace in Afghanistan Until There’s Peace in Kashmir
Robert Koehler
Playing War in Syria
Tamara Pearson
US Shootings: Gun Industry Killing More People Overseas
John Feffer
Trump’s Trade War is About Trump Not China
Morris Pearl
Why the Census Shouldn’t Ask About Citizenship
Ralph Nader
Bill Curry on the Move against Public Corruption
Josh Hoxie
Five Tax Myths Debunked
Leslie Mullin
Democratic Space in Adverse Times: Milestone at Haiti’s University of the Aristide Foundation
Louis Proyect
Syria and Neo-McCarthyism
Dean Baker
Finance 202 Meets Economics 101
Abel Cohen
Forget Gun Control, Try Bullet Control
Robert Fantina
“Damascus Time:” An Iranian Movie
David Yearsley
Bach and Taxes
FacebookTwitterGoogle+RedditEmail