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A History of Mankind in 1250 Words or Less

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There is one consistent theme in the history of mankind:  Domination and control of the weak and vulnerable by the powerful and cunning.  The folks who have pulled all the strings and made all the decisions since the first humanoids stood upright and discovered their thumbs seem to possess a gene which triggers an obsessive compulsive urge to collect and hoard an obscene amount of resources. This at the expense of all the lesser people and to the detriment and very health of what was once a pretty, blue planet.

Since I wasn’t on hand for the beginning of this seemingly endless cycle, I can only assume that the gene appeared in the genome of a frighteningly aggressive and exceedingly powerful Neanderthal a few hundred thousand years ago.  For lack of a better name, let’s call him “Trump”.

Now Trump had his world by the huevos.  His cave was full to overflowing with mastodon and giant sloth meat, purloined from others.  He wore the finest saber tooth tiger tunic and loincloth he could steal.  Uncooperative victims of his greed were often subdued with a skull-crushing rock.  Trump’s reputation as a scoundrel was known far and wide.  His power always prevailed and his neighbors paid the price.  “I’ve been Trumped.”  became a local cliche’ to his many victims.

In spite of his physical prowess and wealth, Trump had a real problem with the ladies.  Although he could have been a good provider for prospective mates, the girls were repulsed by his despicable demeanor, bad manners, and strange unruly hair.  Besides, his cave reeked of rancid mastodon meat.  So Trump did what untold generations of his progeny would repeat ad infinitum.  He grabbed whatever female he fancied, bred with her until he could breed no more, threw her into his stinking, disgusting cave, and rolled a five hundred pound boulder in front of the entrance.  Thus Trump invented murder, theft, rape, and prison, all by his 19th birthday.

As Trump grew old his authority grew tenfold.  A cave full of breeding women had given him several dozen physically strong and aggressive sons.  The spawn of Trump possessed the gene which made them adept murderers, thieves, and rapists.  People far and wide feared and revered the Trumps.  They gladly turned over their food and skins in exchange for protection.  Protection from the wrath of the Trumps and from marauding neighboring settlements.  Trump taught his sons the art of attaching skull-crushing rocks to sticks, thereby expanding the Trump territory and bringing a large population under their control by way of force.  Thus by the time of his death, Trump had invented weapons, war, nations, and taxes.

As the centuries passed, the earth was gradually carved into an ever-changing jigsaw puzzle of kingdoms.  The progeny of Trump were now kings and businessmen, and were still in charge.  Of course the gene for selfish overindulgence and cruelty remained their guiding light.  Sociopaths, psychopaths, and miscreants had complete control of society and made all important decisions.  Scofflaws from the lower classes filled dungeons and prisons.  The lesser people fought Trump wars and paid taxes to finance them.  A world-wide arms race was in full swing.  As usual, chaos and turmoil ruled the day.

One billion people in 1800 had grown to nearly seven billion by the year 2000.  Massive Trump-owned animal farms were now used to feed the huddled masses of wage-slaves.  Cattle by the millions were packed into sprawling, stinking dairy/meat plants.  Conditions were deplorable and inhumane at best.  Pigs, chickens, and turkeys were grown and processed in a similar fashion.  Animals were force-bred, born,  pumped full of growth hormones to maximize bulk and expedite their slaughter, all within the same pens and cages.  More often than not within spaces so small they were unable to turn around.

By now the descendants of Trump wore Armani suits, drove Mercedes automobiles, lived in sprawling gated mansions with heated toilet seats, granite counters, 12 car garages, oversized swimming pools, and armed security guards.  Personal assistants, maids, and gardeners tended to their every need with seamless perfection.  Trumps controlled national and local governments, industry, police departments, military establishments, food sources, water, and were diligently searching for a way to extract profit from the air we breathe.

The scions of Trump had become extremely adept at controlling their wage-slave workforce by means of a sophisticated system of national boundaries.  Fences and walls were widely used to control the lesser humans within the national borders of their countries of origin.  These physical impediments to world-wide locomotion could only be breached by one of two methods.  They could be scaled, tunneled beneath, or destroyed by those seeking to relocate, or the prospective relocatee could prove a sufficient net worth in US Dollars or foreign equivalent, and be welcomed with open arms into virtually any country on earth.

Those crossing national borders by force or stealth were considered undocumented illegals or terrorists.  Those who possessed the price of admission were called ex-patriots, world travelers, or entrepreneurs.  Those operating outside the Laws of Trump were hunted down, imprisoned, deported or shot dead.  Those with bank accounts, credit cards, and stock portfolios were welcomed virtually everywhere, and travelled the world at will.  The workforce had to be controlled, while Trumps and their friends were free to roam the earth.

Unfortunately for the lesser humans, capitalism had morphed into such a toxic form that poverty among the masses was increasing at an alarming rate.  The consuming class was becoming superfluous and the beast of capitalism was beginning to swallow its own tail.  The Trumps now owned nearly everything.  But “nearly” wasn’t nearly good enough.  Using their genetic gifts, the Trumps put their heads together and did their best to suck the last few precious drops of prosperity out of the minions of little people.

To accomplish their goal the Trumps began creating random acts of violence and chaos.  Mysterious disasters began happening.  Airplanes flew into skyscrapers, demolishing structures and slaughtering occupants.  Trains and public buildings blew up.  Suicide bombers and automatic weapons filled the air with fear.  Foreign terrorists were blamed.  The war machine screamed into high gear as wars were waged on multiple fronts to extract all remaining resources.  Trump-owned media companies preached fear and loathing as the public gasped in pant-wetting unison.  The arms industry cranked out ships, tanks, missiles, bombs of all shapes and sizes, fighter jets, landmines, drones, and obscene profits.  Police departments treated every citizen as a potential terrorist.  Ports, airports, and train stations became search and seizure operations.  Incarcerated legions of slave laborers filled private prisons.  It appeared that all was lost.  We’d been Trumped.

It’s always darkest just before the dawn, and from my lofty dream perch I can see a faint light emanating from several sources.  Faint but full of promise.  Far away on the western horizon Russia and China have been glowing with hope.  And there’s Iran!  To the south bright flames have begun to light the sky as torches of liberty are held high.  Cuba and Venezuela glow brighter than most, but Nicaragua, Bolivia, Brazil, Ecuador, Argentina, Chile, and Uruguay are joining in with enthusiasm.  Some lights have been temporarily extinguished by the Trumps.  Although they try to keep the world in darkness, their days are numbered.  Look there!  In the far distance South Africa and Eritria burn with freedom.  Look again.  More lights.  And yet more.

More articles by:

John R. Hall is a writer living in Hawai’i.

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