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Confessions of a Ferguson Police Dog

The following transcript was among suppressed Department of Justice documents regarded as too volatile to release in the aftermath of the DOJ’s report on Ferguson policing practices. Not wanting to reveal the newest interrogation techniques developed and employed by the national security state, or to incur the wrath of dog-lovers, the DOJ labeled the interrogation of Ferguson police dogs “Top Secret.” Fortunately, a DOJ whistle blower, whose whistle, however, may have caused some damage to the howling pack of interviewed Ferguson police dogs, released the excerpt below.   A single explanatory note identified the name of the dog interrogator, listed below as DD as a Dr. Doolittle, a reputed psychic interlocutor of canine cognition.

DD: Can you tell me your name and something of your background?

Ferguson police dog, hereafter listed by his name: Yeah, my police handlers called me “Bull” although my birth name was “Conner.” I’m a German Shepherd and Pit Bull mix. They tell me that on my Dad’s side one of my ancestors was a guard dog in a Nazi concentration camp and on my Mom’s side we can trace our line back to a Southern slave plantation.

DD: How did you get recruited into the Ferguson Police Department?

Bull: Well, you know I was runnin’ wild on the streets of St. Louis and I got picked-up by a Dog Pound employee. He was a friend of Darren Wilson, the Ferguson cop who shot Michael Brown. So, I was sent over to Ferguson to be trained as part of their canine corps.

DD: Tell me something about your training?

Bull: Well, runnin’ the streets of St. Louis, I had developed some bad habits like growling at anyone who approached me. My Ferguson handlers taught me to growl only at black folks and then bite them on cue.

DD: How did they do this?

Bull: By showing me pictures of black rap artists and blaring their music at me while I was hooked up to a bunch of wires. I couldn’t stand listening to that noise, especially when it came with electric shocks. But I did get to hear one song that I really liked without any shocks.

DD: And what was that song?

Bull: “Who Let the Dogs Out?”

DD: So, what did you do once you finished your training? 

Bull: I was taken out on the streets of Ferguson and used exclusively to attack any black person who my police handler saw as a “troublemaker.”

DD: And who were those “troublemakers?”

Bull: Well, you know, those people of color exhibiting anti-social behavior like jaywalking. Of course, I couldn’t always tell whether someone was jaywalking, but I was good at running down those gang-bangers with droopy pants who were walking in the middle of the street.

DD: Didn’t it occur to you that there might be times when whites would commit the same so-called anti-social behavior? 

Bull: Well, look, I was just following my training. Whites were invisible to me. And besides, I always got rewarded with extra rations of steak for taking a big bite out of some black guy’s ass. Man, I loved those T-bones!

DD: It sounds like you had lots of steak.

Bull: Yeah, the Police Department was rolling in dough, collected from the black citizens of Ferguson who got all kinds of citations with fines when they weren’t being bitten by me or the other dogs.

DD: Did you take pride in your work?

Bull: Hey, we are the thin brown line keeping the barbarians at bay. Without our canine patrol, this whole civilization would go belly up. Even us dogs get a little soft when we’re belly up and someone strokes our belly. Yuck, how wimpy is that?

DD: But surely you must have some regrets that you may have harmed an innocent person.

Bull: I was taught that if you are black, you are not innocent. And, if you are brown, you are an illegal. So, no regrets except that I’m sorry that Darren Wilson had to resign after that little incident. He was so good at getting me riled up at black folks.

FRANCIS SHOR is the author of Dying Empire: US Imperialism and Global Resistance.  A website for the book can be found at www.dyingempire.org

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Fran Shor is a Michigan-based retired teacher, author, and political activist.  

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