In my previous three articles to this site, I have challenged CounterPunchers to consider abandoning the United States, to become vegetarians, and to doubt the effectiveness of traditional protest methods. Now I am writing to convince you – my fellow anti-war, peace-loving progressives – to support an immediate, preemptive strike against an enemy that is rapidly amassing strength and has plans for an immense assault.
Evidence of our enemy’s evil intentions has been mounting over the past five years: fabricated tales of dodging bullets in hostile territory in a shameless showcase of non-existent bravery; a massive, expensive (and ultimately failed) attempt to seize power; threats against sovereign nations with nuclear attack and total obliteration; open and delighted celebration of the overthrow and violent death of a foreign leader. To this list of heinous behaviors I can now add the latest insidious indicator of the enemy’s plot: bumper stickers.
“I’m Ready for Hillary” the propaganda piece proudly proclaimed from the bumper of a Toyota Prius parked here in Berkeley, California. Another was soon spotted during the same bike ride home. Two in one day… I had better do some research.
It turns out that the bumper stickers are available for free through the “Ready for Hillary PAC.” Yes, those three words and three capital letters should scare you; the stage is being set for another run at the Executioner Office. Through the website you can follow their Twitter account and connect to their Facebook page, which already has an army of over 1 million followers. I wonder if billionaire George Soros clickity-clicked the little “like” icon after recently donating $25,000. Either way, after ordering my free bumper sticker (yeah right!) I began thinking about firing my first shot in the preemptive strike against the seemingly inevitable Clinton campaign. CounterPunchers, this article is meant for you to spread far and wide.
Look, I get it. People want to participate and be witness to history. The “Ready for Hillary PAC” understands this too, and is clearly ready to use these emotions to their advantage. The website provides a typical anecdote: when a life-long Republican was asked why she was attending a Clinton campaign organizing session, the woman responded, “Because she’s a woman. I am 71 years old, and I have never had an opportunity to vote for a woman (for president).” How often do you think we will hear that yearn for history in the run-up to 2016?
Ladies and gentlemen, fans of Mrs. Clinton, I hate to ruin the glee of your perceived run at history alongside Hillary, but you have had opportunities! In 2008 you could have had the first black and female president in the same peaceful, anti-war candidate: Cynthia McKinney. Two birds with one vote. Instead all the feel-good, well-intentioned, witness-to-history votes got us the first half-black president who does a pretty good George W. Bush imitation. Then in 2012 you had a chance for real change with another respectable, nonviolent female candidate: Dr. Jill Stein. But no. Like a stupid cartoon character that just a moment ago stepped on a prone garden rake and got whacked in the face, you decided to walk that same exact path expecting a different result. Whack! Feel free to use the analogy of Charlie Brown trying to kick the football held by Lucy Van Pelt as well.
The same rake-to-the-face routine will happen when the two-party duopoly rolls out a Latin American, an Asian, and any other fill-in-the-blank first they can use to keep you distracted with identity politics. In 2016, after what will have been sixteen years of George W. Obama, we should know that any mainstream, prescreened Republican or Democratic candidate will be a disgusting, power-hungry, war-happy, corporate murderer.
And so, before you mindlessly stroll that part of the lawn again, or sprint up to that football expecting Lucy to hold it still, let’s hear some words from your would-be first-female president, Hillary Clinton.
March 2008, while campaigning for president:
“I certainly do remember that trip to Bosnia (in 1996), and as Togo said, there was a saying around the White House that if a place was too small, too poor, or too dangerous, the president couldn’t go, so send the First Lady. That’s where we went. I remember landing under sniper fire. There was supposed to be some kind of a greeting ceremony at the airport, but instead we just ran with our heads down to get into the vehicles to get to our base.”
Brave woman, huh? Too bad it was a total lie.
April 2008, again campaigning for president:
“(Iran’s) use of nuclear weapons against Israel would provoke, uh, a nuclear response, uh, from the United States which, personally I believe, would prevent it from happening.”
“Whatever stage of development they (Iran) might be in their nuclear weapons program, in the next 10 years, during which they might foolishly consider launching an attack on Israel, we would be able to totally obliterate them.”
How many Iranians have ordered their “I’m Ready for Hillary” bumper stickers?
October 2011, as Secretary of State:
Upon learning that Muammar Qaddafi had died:
“[Laughing] We came, we saw, he died!”
If her utter enthusiasm isn’t clear from the quote, then please notice the ecstatic look in her wide-open eyes and that lovely smile. The subtle fist pumping is a nice touch too. If only she had some pom-poms.
Finally, let’s remember that back in 2010 Mommy and Daddy Clinton showered little Chelsea and her investment banker hubby with a three-million-dollar wedding. The floral arrangements alone reportedly cost $250,000. The f*#+in’ flowers!
I have kept this article quite simple, with just a few quotes to show this creature’s lack of humanity and true nastiness. The extravagant wedding expenditure should remind all Ninety-nine Percenters that the Clintons will forever maintain an enormous economic and physical distance between themselves and the unwashed masses (rest in peace, Joe Bageant), no matter how miserable our collective condition becomes. But hey, maybe my wedding invitation got lost in the mail. To this day I imagine myself taking deliberately slow, savory bites of that $11,000 cake… Ha ha ha! Let them eat bumper stickers!
CounterPunchers, please forward this article, print and make copies, post it on bulletin boards, leave it in coffee shops and share it with everyone. The preemptive strike starts now. We have almost three years to battle against her campaign and all similar charlatans they parade in front of us. If we hold our fire until election time then it will be too late, especially after months of speeches and public appearances (which have already begun), and millions spent in propaganda. We have already lost some poor souls here in the Berkeley. Have the courage to confront now to counter the attack that will be launched at us. The enemy is preparing. The threat is real.
We don’t want the smoking gun to be a butcher in a pantsuit.
James Madden has written four articles for Counterpunch. He can be reached at email@example.com