FacebookTwitterGoogle+RedditEmail

Kim Kardashian and the Fiscal Cliff

by CHARLES R. LARSON

Celebrity hog, Kim Kardashian, startled the world on Sunday night by announcing that she is pregnant.

This news—of more interest to most Americans than the fiscal cliff—has surprised the nation because no Kardashian has ever been pregnant before (including Kim’s mother).

“I haven’t had any morning sickness,” Kim observed, implying that becoming a mother will be a snap.  No problem.  She’s going to love breast feeding, changing diapers and getting up in the middle of the night innumerable times.  She’s going to love taking care of her child, not going out partying until the wee hours.  She’s ecstatic about losing her shape, about her complexion losing its shine.

And just think, if the baby is a girl, Kim can dress her exactly like herself, enter her in baby beauty contests, have her incorporated and continue the franchise of vacuousness into the next generation.  The baby—we’ll call her Kim, Jr.—will be able to emulate all of her mother’s amazing talents for grabbing attention, dominating the media, and living well as a role model for the millions and millions of her mother’s followers who would rather be Kim Kardashian than be themselves.

Though Kanye West, the alleged father, has already pontificated about the pregnancy (“Make some noise for the baby mama!”), Donald Trump was overheard whispering to Mitch McConnell, “It can’t have been that West creep.  I can assure you about that.”

Others are convinced that Kim’s state—if true—is more likely the world’s second Immaculate Conception.  If proven to be true (that Kim, Sr., is in fact a virgin) the bankable proceeds from the Kardashian franchise will be enormous, incalculable.

What a stupendous achievement this will be for her, adding to her many accomplishments as Rhodes Scholar, Nobel Prize winner, and high school graduate.

After Kim announced her pregnancy Sunday night on Twatter, the site crashed for several hours because of her billions of fans, hurrying to read the details immediately after they learned of this New Year’s miracle.

Charles R. Larson—CounterPunch’s resident curmudgeon—has been following Kim Kardashian’s astronomical career for several days.

More articles by:

Charles R. Larson is Emeritus Professor of Literature at American University, in Washington, D.C. Email = clarson@american.edu. Twitter @LarsonChuck.

Weekend Edition
November 17, 2017
Friday - Sunday
Paul Street
Thank an Anti-War Veteran
Andrew Levine
What’s Wrong With Bible Thumpers Nowadays?
Jeffrey St. Clair - Alexander Cockburn
The CIA’s House of Horrors: the Abominable Dr. Gottlieb
Wendy Wolfson – Ken Levy
Why We Need to Take Animal Cruelty Much More Seriously
Mike Whitney
Brennan and Clapper: Elder Statesmen or Serial Fabricators?
David Rosen
Of Sex Abusers and Sex Offenders
Ryan LaMothe
A Christian Nation?
Dave Lindorff
Trump’s Finger on the Button: Why No President Should Have the Authority to Launch Nuclear Weapons
W. T. Whitney
A Bizarre US Pretext for Military Intrusion in South America
Deepak Tripathi
Sex, Lies and Incompetence: Britain’s Ruling Establishment in Crisis 
Howard Lisnoff
Who You’re Likely to Meet (and Not Meet) on a College Campus Today
Roy Morrison
Trump’s Excellent Asian Adventure
John W. Whitehead
Financial Tyranny
Ted Rall
How Society Makes Victimhood a No-Win Proposition
Jim Goodman
Stop Pretending the Estate Tax has Anything to do With Family Farmers
Thomas Klikauer
The Populism of Germany’s New Nazis
Murray Dobbin
Is Trudeau Ready for a Middle East war?
Jeiddy Martínez Armas
Firearm Democracy
Jill Richardson
Washington’s War on Poor Grad Students
Ralph Nader
The Rule of Power Over the Rule of Law
Justin O'Hagan
Capitalism Equals Peace?
Matthew Stevenson
Into Africa: From the Red Sea to Nairobi
Geoff Dutton
The Company We Sadly Keep
Evan Jones
The Censorship of Jacques Sapir, French Dissident
Linn Washington Jr.
Meek Moment Triggers Demands for Justice Reform
Gerry Brown
TPP, Indo Pacific, QUAD: What’s Next to Contain China’s Rise?
Robert Fisk
The Exile of Saad Hariri
Romana Rubeo - Ramzy Baroud
Anti-BDS Laws and Pro-Israeli Parliament: Zionist Hasbara is Winning in Italy
Robert J. Burrowes
Why are Police in the USA so Terrified?
Chuck Collins
Stop Talking About ‘Winners and Losers’ From Corporate Tax Cuts
Ron Jacobs
Private Property Does Not Equal Freedom
Kollibri terre Sonnenblume
Mass Shootings, Male Toxicity and their Roots in Agriculture
Binoy Kampmark
The Fordist Academic
Frank Scott
Weapons of Mass Distraction Get More Destructive
Missy Comley Beattie
Big Dick Diplomacy
Michael Doliner
Democracy, Real Life Acting and the Movies
Dan Bacher
Jerry Brown tells indigenous protesters in Bonn, ‘Let’s put you in the ground’
Winslow Myers
The Madness of Deterrence
Cesar Chelala
A Kiss is Not a Kiss: Sexual Abuse and Exploitation of Children
Jimmy Centeno
Garcia Meets Guayasamin: A De-Colonial Experience
Stephen Martin
When Boot Becomes Bot: Surplus Population and The Human Face.
Martin Billheimer
Homer’s Iliad, la primera nota roja
Louis Proyect
Once There Were Strong Men
Charles R. Larson
Review: Mike McCormack’s Solar Bones
David Yearsley
Academics Take Flight
FacebookTwitterGoogle+RedditEmail