Santa’s Resignation Letter

Greetings to All:

I must admit that my joyful mission of spreading holiday cheer has grown more problematic over the decades. Until now, however, I have kept silent due to the devastating effect a major statement of my increasing despair would have, not only on the little children of the world, who depend upon my jolliness, but also on their parents. I maintained my stoic silence to prevent any more dread in their lives.

But I cannot remain silent any longer. It would be too stressful for my mental health. The last thing we need is an iconic cultural personality, like me, collapsing into some awful anti-social outrage. Unfortunately, we have too much of that already.

The pressures of my task this year, nonetheless, broke Santa’s spirit. First came the news that more than half my stash of toys was toxic garbage produced by greedy manufacturers. I must admit that I have been outsourcing for years. What else could I do?

If that was all, maybe I could have carried on for another year. However, there is another big factor: the toys themselves – actually electronic gadgets – that I no longer understand, and have no affinity for whatsoever. They resemble the stuff adults waste their lives working with, and it just depressed me no end. OK. I can do without wooden toys if the rainforest is disappearing, but lugging all those battery operated gizmos around got to be too much for the deer to pull.

And then the elves rebelled; they threatened to reveal what they called “sweatshop” conditions! I tried to explain to them that this was a non-profit endeavor, but they would have none of it. Our fine Yuletide traditions have gone south. Nothing I could say had any effect. To them I was a crusty old geezer heading a corporation out of touch with current reality. 

I must admit that they may have some legitimate complaints. My attempt to cover more territory, as globalization took off, made me compromise with neo-liberalism and that jeopardized their old working conditions. They missed the old camaraderie. Frankly, so did I.

And the reindeer! I can no longer afford proper veterinary care. They’re looking shabby. Luckily, no one much notices at night. And then there is the sleigh. I tried to find properly skilled crafts people to do repairs, but no apprentices have appeared for years and the old crew is slowly retiring. Or worse.

The final straw came, though, when I went about my routes and discovered so many empty houses. Several years ago it was Katrina. But now every year a Frankenstorm causes havoc. And, if homes aren’t destroyed by an outraged Mother Nature, then they are abandoned because of the financial storm. I have become quite expert at spotting foreclosed homes and I can’t face, any more, delivering meager parcels to families living in cars or tent cities. What sort of Christmas are we giving our kids?

So, I have made a decision. Before I am put out to pasture along with my ailing reindeer by online coupons, I quit. You can all have your wonderful virtual purchasing experiences. I don’t care. Your kids are destined to see Santa as an icon on their computer screens and nothing more. I don’t give a damn.

The Missus and I have a few good years left, and, frankly, I am looking forward to lounging around in shorts and sandals year round and growing some oranges and kiwis up here at the North Pole.

Good Night and Good Luck.

Santa Claus

Black Friday, 2012

Bernard Marszalek co-founder of JASecon and editor of a new collection of essays by renegade Marxist, Paul Lafargue, “The Right to be Lazy” (AK Press/Kerr Co.), can be reached at info@righttobelazy.com.

More articles by:

Bernard Marszalek, editor of The Right to be Lazy (AK PRESS) can be reached at info@righttobelazy.com. He was a member of a worker cooperative for seventeen years. Links at http://righttobelazy.com/blog/

Weekend Edition
March 23, 2018
Friday - Sunday
Roberto J. González
The Mind-Benders: How to Harvest Facebook Data, Brainwash Voters, and Swing Elections
Paul Street
Deplorables II: The Dismal Dems in Stormy Times
Nick Pemberton
The Ghost of Hillary
Andrew Levine
Light at the End of the Tunnel?
Paul de Rooij
Amnesty International: Trumpeting for War… Again
Jeffrey St. Clair
Roaming Charges: Coming in Hot
Chuck Gerhart
Sessions Exploits a Flaw to Pursue Execution of Meth Addicts
Robert Fantina
Distractions, Thought Control and Palestine
Hiroyuki Hamada
The Eyes of “Others” for Us All
Robert Hunziker
Is the EPA Hazardous to Your Health?
Stephanie Savell
15 Years After the Iraq Invasion, What Are the Costs?
Aidan O'Brien
Europe is Pregnant 
John Eskow
How Do We Live With All of This Rage?
Matthew Stevenson
Why Vietnam Still Matters: Was Khe Sanh a Win or a Loss?
Dan Corjescu
The Man Who Should Be Dead
Howard Lisnoff
The Bone Spur in Chief
Brian Cloughley
Hitler and the Poisoning of the British Public
Brett Wilkins
Trump Touts $12.5B Saudi Arms Sale as US Support for Yemen War Literally Fuels Atrocities
Barbara Nimri Aziz
Iraqi Landscapes: the Path of Martyrs
Brian Saady
The War On Drugs Is Far Deadlier Than Most People Realize
Stephen Cooper
Battling the Death Penalty With James Baldwin
CJ Hopkins
Then They Came for the Globalists
Philip Doe
In Colorado, See How They Run After the Fracking Dollars
Wilfred Burchett
Vietnam Will Win: Armed Propaganda
Binoy Kampmark
John Brennan’s Trump Problem
Nate Terani
Donald Trump’s America: Already Hell Enough for This Muslim-American
Steve Early
From Jackson to Richmond: Radical Mayors Leave Their Mark
Jill Richardson
To Believe in Science, You Have to Know How It’s Done
Ralph Nader
Ten Million Americans Could Bring H.R. 676 into Reality Land—Relief for Anxiety, Dread and Fear
Sam Pizzigati
Billionaires Won’t Save the World, Just Look at Elon Musk
Sergio Avila
Don’t Make the Border a Wasteland
Daryan Rezazad
Denial of Climate Change is Not the Problem
Ron Jacobs
Flashing for the Refugees on the Unarmed Road of Flight
Missy Comley Beattie
The Age of Absurdities and Atrocities
George Wuerthner
Isle Royale: Manage for Wilderness Not Wolves
George Payne
Pompeo Should Call the Dogs Off of WikiLeaks
Russell Mokhiber
Study Finds Single Payer Viable in 2018 Elections
Franklin Lamb
Despite Claims, Israel-Hezbollah War is Unlikely
Montana Wilderness Association Dishonors Its Past
Elizabeth “Liz” Hawkins, RN
Nurses Are Calling #TimesUp on Domestic Abuse
Paul Buhle
A Caribbean Giant Passes: Wilson Harris, RIP
Mel Gurtov
A Blank Check for Repression? A Saudi Leader Visits Washington
Seth Sandronsky
Hoop schemes: Sacramento’s corporate bid for an NBA All-Star Game
Louis Proyect
The French Malaise, Now and Then
David Yearsley
Bach and the Erotics of Spring