Click amount to donate direct to CounterPunch
  • $25
  • $50
  • $100
  • $500
  • $other
  • use PayPal
Spring Fund Drive: Keep CounterPunch Afloat
CounterPunch is a lifeboat of sanity in today’s turbulent political seas. Please make a tax-deductible donation and help us continue to fight Trump and his enablers on both sides of the aisle. Every dollar counts!
FacebookTwitterGoogle+RedditEmail

Did Obama Cause Hurricane Sandy?

Political Washington was all abuzz Sunday, five days after the election, with the revelation that President Obama had caused Hurricane Sandy.  Brit Hume, Fox News’ chief illusionist, broke the story.  Checking recent White House logs for Air Force One, he determined that, several days before Sandy formed above the south-east Atlantic Ocean, the president’s plane was observed, mysteriously flying around in circles and seeding the clouds with what apparently was silver iodide.  “The pilot of another aircraft,” Hume exclaimed, “observed the President watching through one of the windows in Air Force One.  This is a clear violation of international law, let alone political protocol.”

When hearing the news, Karl Rove roared, “We always feared that the President would do something like this—create an October surprise—but never thought he would stoop so low as to alter the weather.  At least this confirms that it is human beings who are responsible for climate change and not global warming.   Fortunately, Charles and David [the Koch brothers] are no fools and realize that they’re just going to have to cough up money for voter and hurricane suppression the next time around.”

Asked about the revelation, Rush Limbaugh muttered, “That filthy socialist, what dirty trick will he pull next?  This is the kind of chicanery you’d expect from an African dictator but not from the President of the United States.”

Donald Trump was quick to announce a five million dollar award for anyone who could provide a sample of President Obama’s DNA.  “We know who his real father is—and it’s not that Kenyan imposter.  It’s Robert Mugabe and we’ve already got samples of his DNA, so it’s just a matter of matching the two.”

In a hastily announced press conference, Paul Ryan stressed that the exposé of the cloud seeding, although disturbing, exonerates them from losing because they were out of touch with American voters.  “At least it was nothing we did,” Ryan said.  “We did the right thing.  The Republicans are just going to have to register more old white men if they don’t want this to continue.”

Standing next to Ryan, Mitch McConnell—with the usual smirk on his face—observed at the end of Ryan’s press conference, “Our priorities are obvious.  Our entire goal for the next four years is to see that President Obama accomplishes nothing.  The country be damned.”

Even Thomas Donohue, President of the U.S. Chamber of Commerce, weighed in.  “If we do it this the right way, there isn’t an election out there that can’t he bought.”  And then he added, “We will continue with the privatization of American politicians.”

Hours after breaking the story, Hume speculated why the White House has not responded to his story.  “They’re preoccupied with fabricating David Petraeus’ affair in order to cover up their blunders in Benghazi.”

Charles R. Larson is Emeritus Professor of Literature at American University in Washington, D.C.  Email: clarson@american.edu

 

 

 

More articles by:

Charles R. Larson is Emeritus Professor of Literature at American University, in Washington, D.C. Email = clarson@american.edu. Twitter @LarsonChuck.

May 22, 2018
Stanley L. Cohen
Broken Dreams and Lost Lives: Israel, Gaza and the Hamas Card
Andrew Levine
November’s “Revolution” Will Not Be Televised
Ted Rall
#MeToo is a Cultural Workaround to a Legal Failure
Gary Leupp
Question for Discussion: Is Russia an Adversary Nation?
Binoy Kampmark
Unsettling the Summits: John Bolton’s Libya Solution
Doug Johnson
As Andrea Horwath Surges, Undecided Voters Threaten to Upend Doug Ford’s Hopes in Canada’s Most Populated Province
Kenneth Surin
Malaysia’s Surprising Election Results
Kathy Kelly
Scourging Yemen
Dana Cook
Canada’s ‘Superwoman’: Margot Kidder
Dean Baker
The Trade Deficit With China: Up Sharply, for Those Who Care
John Feffer
Playing Trump for Peace How the Korean Peninsula Could Become a Bright Spot in a World Gone Mad
Peter Gelderloos
Decades in Prison for Protesting Trump?
Thomas Knapp
Yes, Virginia, There is a Deep State
Andrew Stewart
What the Providence Teachers’ Union Needs for a Win
Jimmy Centeno
Mexico’s First Presidential Debate: All against One
May 21, 2018
Ron Jacobs
Gina Haspell: She’s Certainly Qualified for the Job
Uri Avnery
The Day of Shame
Amitai Ben-Abba
Israel’s New Ideology of Genocide
Patrick Cockburn
Israel is at the Height of Its Power, But the Palestinians are Still There
Frank Stricker
Can We Finally Stop Worrying About Unemployment?
Binoy Kampmark
Royal Wedding Madness
Roy Morrison
Middle East War Clouds Gather
Edward Curtin
Gina Haspel and Pinocchio From Rome
Juana Carrasco Martin
The United States is a Country Addicted to Violence
Dean Baker
Wealth Inequality: It’s Not Clear What It Means
Robert Dodge
At the Brink of Nuclear War, Who Will Lead?
Vern Loomis
If I’m Lying, I’m Dying
Valerie Reynoso
How LBJ initiated the Military Coup in the Dominican Republic
Weekend Edition
May 18, 2018
Friday - Sunday
Andrew Levine
The Donald, Vlad, and Bibi
Robert Fisk
How Long Will We Pretend Palestinians Aren’t People?
Jeffrey St. Clair
Wild at Heart: Keeping Up With Margie Kidder
Roger Harris
Venezuela on the Eve of Presidential Elections: The US Empire Isn’t Sitting by Idly
Michael Slager
Criminalizing Victims: the Fate of Honduran Refugees 
John Laforge
Don’t Call It an Explosion: Gaseous Ignition Events with Radioactive Waste
Carlo Filice
The First “Fake News” Story (or, What the Serpent Would Have Said)
Dave Lindorff
Israel Crosses a Line as IDF Snipers Murder Unarmed Protesters in the Ghetto of Gaza
Gary Leupp
The McCain Cult
Robert Fantina
What’s Wrong With the United States?
Jill Richardson
The Lesson I Learned Growing Up Jewish
David Orenstein
A Call to Secular Humanist Resistance
W. T. Whitney
The U.S. Role in Removing a Revolutionary and in Restoring War to Colombia
Rev. William Alberts
The Danger of Praying Truth to Power
Alan Macleod
A Primer on the Venezuelan Elections
John W. Whitehead
The Age of Petty Tyrannies
Franklin Lamb
Have Recent Events Sounded the Death Knell for Iran’s Regional Project?
FacebookTwitterGoogle+RedditEmail