The Mayberry Incident

The president was coming to town. And Neil Jednoralski was prepared. He’d taken his list and checked it twice. Handcuffs, Arrest Warrant, 4 guns! Check.

Barack Obama was coming to Osawatomie, Kansas, reportedly to do a Teddy Roosevelt impression. Neil was going to do his best Gomer Pyle. “Citizen’s Arrest, Citizen’s Arrest!” Sadly, both Barack and Neil were spectacular failures in their attempted impersonations.

Mr. Jednoralski is no stranger to high stakes political gamesmanship. He’s run for Kansas State Representative in the past–an obvious stepping stone position just before Crop Circle Prevention and Awareness Coordinator. But what particular crime was he taking it upon himself to arrest Obama for? Civil liberties trashing? Indiscriminate murder by drones? No. British and Indonesian Citizenship- fraud by virtue of pretending to be eligible to be president. Yep, it’s the season for that crap again. Mr. Jednoralski is a member of the Tea Party.

Why am I telling about this not even out of the ordinary incident? The town hall meetings of the past couple years had all manner of this nonsense. It’s all actually a little tedious, but this is why it holds my interest:

The similarity to Mayberry doesn’t end with the Citizen’s Arrest plan. (And no I’m not old enough to have seen Andy Griffith pre-rerun…youngsters go to YouTube to see what I mean, and check for Teddy Roosevelt out-takes while you’re there). Anyway, after Mr. Obama dusted the land with his fauxopulist lies and safely exited, Mr. Jednoralski was allowed to retrieve his handcuffs and……… his 4 guns. He had a genteel visit from Secret Service prior to the visit telling him not to show up. He got the drunk uncle at Thanksgiving treatment. Just put him in the easy chair and give him some pie. Go hide his car keys and hope he naps.

Contrast that with the treatment that the Occupiers have endured. “Get back your handcuffs and guns? Hell, we won’t even give you back your books, hippie. And what’s that? You want your tent back that you donated for a free first aid stand? I needed to shred that for cleanliness.”

This, along with folks languishing in jail (who can make bail) for misdemeanor offenses. They typically hold them just as long as they can to make a statement. I think you can guess what that statement is.

I’m not even arguing against the drunk Thanksgiving uncle treatment- it probably was the way to go with this guy. One reader commented after a story on Jednoralski that she looked him up, and he has a facebook page. Evidently he likes lolcats and wants a wife! He doesn’t sound terrifying, but if he’s got a nephew who sits on a sidewalk he’s not supposed to occupy….well, he’s got it coming right?

The Home Owner’s Association for the totality of humanity (the 1%) have been given all manner of firepower to get the damn kids off the lawn.

Much was made by the media, framing it “Occupy versus Teaparty” earlier this year. As fun as it is to picture that grudge match, maybe even both parties in Lucha libre suits, it’s just more prepackaged drivel. To claim any sort of balancing equivalence in regard to Occupy and the Teaparty is insane. Cauliflower versus Cigarettes! Vomit versus Cotton Candy!

And perhaps even more galling is the manner in which this works out for all the corrupt politicians. The Tea Party gets powerful, and their people push through deranged agendas, all with dripping acquiescence from the Democrats. And Obama again gets to look like the sane one-despite the sterile psychopathy of being the drone killing jokester. There is no Republican/Teaparty-Democrat/Occupy reality here. Poor Occupy is up against them all.

And presidential detractors get to appear as yokel fools. If you have a problem with the man in charge- well, this is the company you keep…. Neil and his handcuffs. Send ½ the country towards crazy and ½ to deluded; then walk away with the spoils.

I’ve made mention of the manner that Occupy protesters are tricked into walking on streets only to be brutally taken down by the militarized police forces. More than enough first hand reports and video have been coming in to prove that this is the case- yet other protesters like the Phelps clan (homophobic agenda cult) get time in front of the Supreme Court to ensure their rights are protected. Crazy drunken uncles get treated very well, indeed.

The take home note is this: the wackier you are, the more your needs are catered to— you hold no real threat to power. Your very existence “proves” what a free country this is.

This Mayberry treatment is the best example I can think of to illustrate the sheer corporate and political control of the Tea Party as well as proving the legitimacy of Occupy.

If there is any doubt which “protest” genuinely makes the powerful nervous, just remember that Neil Jednoralksi is comfortable at home with his cuffs at the ready. Oh and he likes lolcats and wants a wife, too.

Kathleen Peine writes out of the US Midwest and can be contacted at kathypeine@gmail.com

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