The Letter to the Editor could have been to Any Newspaper in Anytown, U.S.A.: “These illegal immigrants come here, take our jobs, get free health care, free education, and free housing!” I’m leaving out the stuff about “strengthening our borders” and “float[ing] them all home on a big boat or just drop[ping] them in the desert!”
My family has been in America for at least three or four generations. My wife’s family has been here way longer, since 1700-something. And guess what? We didn’t get free education, and we don’t get free healthcare or free housing. I don’t know any Americans who do, not even real “patriots” like Sarah Palin or Rush Limbaugh. Hell, I haven’t even figured out how to finagle free cable.
Everyone angrily asks why illegal immigrants get to live for free. These non-Americans just got here! They haven’t paid their dues!
But what I really want to know is: HOW do illegal immigrants pull this off? Many arrive here unable to speak English, and after hiking through the desert or hiding in car trunks or crowded truck trailers. It’s unlikely that they lugged English-as-a-second-language books, or reference materials about U.S. culture, real estate, banking, or get-rich-quick schemes.
I think I know why patriotic Americans are so pissed off. It’s because these illegal immigrants make us feel stupid.
I feel stupid when illegal immigrants without money and who can’t speak English figure out how to score free housing. I idiotically bought my house near the top of the market in 2005. Now it’s worth less than half of what I borrowed and still owe for it.
I feel stupid when I hear that illegal immigrants who can’t even pronounce “appendectomy” cruise through the labyrinth that is the U.S. health care system and get treated for free. I’m still trying to get my HMO to process my claim for partial reimbursement for an MRI.
I feel like a fool for continuing to pay off law school when these non-English-speakers have figured out how to go for free.
I feel downright dumb when I learn that non-citizens without social security numbers somehow land jobs while U.S. unemployment skyrockets.
Like many Americans, I’m sick of feeling stupid compared to these newcomers. Hand me a gun and whisk me to the border. And when I finally track down one of these illegals, I’ll point my gun at him and … make him tell me exactly how he and his friends learned to live here for free. Deport him? No way. I say pass a law to keep them all here. They’re a lot smarter than us — maybe they can help fix the mess we’ve made of America.