FacebookTwitterRedditEmail

And Now a Word From Scott Walker’s Constituents…

Governor Scott Walker of Wisconsin has promised to create 250, 0000 jobs. Thus far, he has rejected roughly a billion dollars in Federal funds for broad-band internet, and other infrastructure; included in the Governor’s rebuff was the high-speed rail project, his action forcing Talgo Inc., to abandon major operations in Milwaukee, costing the State of Wisconsin in up to 4,732 jobs by 2012. The Spanish-owned train manufacturer, only recently set up location in Milwaukee, lured by the high-speed rail project.

One could say he seems to be off to a slow start on the job creation front. Given the character of his economic policies I decided to help out by defining a list of job descriptions commensurate with the economic policies he is promoting.

Concubine/Handmaiden: Wisconsin’s new “right to work” state environment will create an even greater class divide. The über-wealthy will want to create more male heirs and little, grizzly-bear, pre-moms than one wife could possible manage.

Prostitute: When the rich start getting their tax breaks, there will be a lot more disposable income and unemployed women available for the stables… The miracle of Adam Smith solving yet another problem! In short, as the Governor declared, “Wisconsin is Open for Business!”

Fluffer: Once married rich guys get a taste of these young girls there will be an inflation of 24/7 Viagra enabled erections. Surely there will be plenty of young pretties without jobs to deal with this ensuing inflation crisis and the need to have the ladies to keep um at the ready. Gentlemen in River Hills (read: exclusive rich Republican stronghold), are you ready?

Child laborer: Republican Missouri state legislator Jane Cunningham, proposes rolling back child labor laws. Just as Wisconsin needs to be competitive with states that have rolled back unions under the Orwellian titled “right to work,” so must Wisconsin keep pace on the child labor front. Who else can get their fingers between the fast moving gears factory machinery? Besides, the filthy buggers need to earn their keep!

Scapegoats: When Walker’s recessionary policies cause the clusterfuck of reduced employment and falling tax revenues, someone, just not the Governor, will have to man up and take responsibility.

Astroturf Robots: Once the chaos hits, there will be an exponential growth in the need for the already legion number of corporate funded shills on the comment sections of our major media sites reflecting “public” (wink) opinion. Most specifically needed, are shills who can deftly shift from arguing that raising taxes on those making over $250,000 is unjust, given that this income is required for a middle class living. Then, without missing a beat, quickly pirouetting and arguing that teachers with Masters degrees making $48,000 a year are greedy scum that need to stop stealing from Wall Street.

Indentured servant: Labor markets need to be way more flexible. This might be a means to leapfrog in front of other states that also have “right to work” laws on the labor (in) flexibility front.

Sin-Eater: Resurrection of the medieval practice of paying the wretched (which Walker promises to create in record numbers) to ritualistically eat the sins’ of the wealthy.

Yes Men: By all reports, “Master Walker” is a vain little boy. Ergo, we will need a commensurate number of sycophants to assuage his ego.

Governor: Given the recall madness Walker has launched by his stubbornness and policies discordant with the public will, we will now need new Governors every year–a 400% growth rate over the current need! This is a veritable New Deal jobs creation program!

Live Organ Donor: This is a position that will provide the idle poor an opportunity to give something back to the job creators. Those with a truly entrepreneurial spirit can seize upon an even greater opportunity, in the high demand for livers. Moreover, most everybody can actually sell parts of your liver because it grows back. It’s a renewable resource. However, the potential for this market is limited given Wisconsin and its declining incomes are generating ever more alcoholism and thus less healthy portions of liver to cleave off.

Gubernatorial Food Taster: The Governor has revealed that although he continues to eat his traditional bag lunch of a simple ham and cheese sandwiches, he now has the Governor’s kitchen staff prepare it. Who knows what goes on in that unregulated workplace?

Poet Laureate: The Governor may have been too hasty in terminating this handsomely paid $2000 a year position. He might want to look at the legions of poets put to work rhapsodizing over Joseph Stalin’s endless virtues to see how this can be put to use in his service.

Script Writers: The Governor’s webpage bio provides plenty of material for laughs and college-beer drinking games with its 1930’s Frank Capra “Mr. Smith Goes to Washington” hokum. This Horatio Alger story of the simple boy made good carrying his brown-bag lunch will require lots of maintenance, as the Governor’s endless genuflections to robber barons are made visible.

Collaborator/Informant: The Governor will need plenty of these given the cynical environment his rule will create. Good news, though, they can usually be bought for the price of flattery! No need to bust the budget on this one!

Town Drunk: Not sure yet how this one will pay, but the raw material will certainly be there!

Sign Makers: Given the coming chaos, sign makers will be needed for the legions of unemployed to advertise “will work for food” and other services.

Town Crier: After Governor Walker devastates public education, we will need a literate few that cry out the news on public squares. From the quality of reader comments tendered (roughly on par with an angry Homer Simpson) on the Milwaukee Journal/Sentinel’s (Wisconsin’s largest circulation newspaper) website, we will need this service sooner than later.

ERIC JEFFERSON is a Milwaukee poet, one of the artists featured at Word Verse, A Ko-Thi dance Co. sponsored event. He was also, one of the artists featured at “Local Solo—a night of performance art”, part of Walker’s Point Center for the Arts presentation of cutting edge work by emerging artists. He created a spoken word piece for Walker’s Point’s show (re)Evolution and live in Milwaukee’s inner-city. Recently his ‘Dear Milwaukee’ essay was published on the NPR website for their program State of the ReUnion

 

 

 

More articles by:
July 14, 2020
Dean Baker
Propaganda on Government Action and Inequality from David Leonhardt
July 13, 2020
Gerald Sussman
The Russiagate Spectacle: Season 2?
Ishmael Reed
Lin-Manuel Miranda’s Perry Mason Moment
Jack Rasmus
Why the 3rd Quarter US Economic ‘Rebound’ Will Falter
W. T. Whitney
Oil Comes First in Peru, Not Coronavirus Danger, Not Indigenous Rights
Ralph Nader
The Enduring Case for Demanding Trump’s Resignation
Raghav Kaushik – Arun Gupta
On Coronavirus and the Anti-Police-Brutality Uprising
Deborah James
Digital Trade Rules: a Disastrous New Constitution for the Global Economy Written by and for Big Tech
Howard Lisnoff
Remembering the Nuclear Freeze Movement and Its Futility
Sam Pizzigati
Will the Biden-Sanders Economic Task Force Rattle the Rich?
Allen Baker
Trump’s Stance on Foreign College Students Digs US Economic Hole Even Deeper
Binoy Kampmark
The Coronavirus Seal: Victoria’s Borders Close
Evaggelos Vallianatos
Power, Knowledge and Virtue
Weekend Edition
July 10, 2020
Friday - Sunday
Lynnette Grey Bull
Trump’s Postcard to America From the Shrine of Hypocrisy
Anthony DiMaggio
Free Speech Fantasies: the Harper’s Letter and the Myth of American Liberalism
David Yearsley
Morricone: Maestro of Music and Image
Jeffrey St. Clair
“I Could Live With That”: How the CIA Made Afghanistan Safe for the Opium Trade
Rob Urie
Democracy and the Illusion of Choice
Paul Street
Imperial Blind Spots and a Question for Obama
Vijay Prashad
The U.S. and UK are a Wrecking Ball Crew Against the Pillars of Internationalism
Melvin Goodman
The Washington Post and Its Cold War Drums
Richard C. Gross
Trump: Reopen Schools (or Else)
Chris Krupp
Public Lands Under Widespread Attack During Pandemic 
Alda Facio
What Coronavirus Teaches Us About Inequality, Discrimination and the Importance of Caring
Eve Ottenberg
Bounty Tales
Andrew Levine
Silver Linings Ahead?
John Kendall Hawkins
FrankenBob: The Self-Made Dylan
Pam Martens - Russ Martens
Deutsche Bank Fined $150 Million for Enabling Jeffrey Epstein; Where’s the Fine Against JPMorgan Chase?
David Rosen
Inequality and the End of the American Dream
Louis Proyect
Harper’s and the Great Cancel Culture Panic
Thom Hartmann
How Billionaires Get Away With Their Big Con
REZA FIYOUZAT
Your 19th COVID Breakdown
Danny Sjursen
Undercover Patriots: Trump, Tulsa, and the Rise of Military Dissent
Charles McKelvey
The Limitations of the New Antiracist Movement
Binoy Kampmark
Netanyahu’s Annexation Drive
Joseph G. Ramsey
An Empire in Points
Kollibri terre Sonnenblume
COVID-19 Denialism is Rooted in the Settler Colonial Mindset
Ramzy Baroud
On Israel’s Bizarre Definitions: The West Bank is Already Annexed
Judith Deutsch
Handling Emergency: A Tale of Two Males
Michael Welton
Getting Back to Socialist Principles: Honneth’s Recipe
Dean Baker
Combating the Political Power of the Rich: Wealth Taxes and Seattle Election Vouchers
Jonah Raskin
Edward Sanders: Poetic Pacifist Up Next
Manuel García, Jr.
Carbon Dioxide Uptake by Vegetation After Emissions Shutoff “Now”
Heidi Peltier
The Camo Economy: How Military Contracting Hides Human Costs and Increases Inequality
Ron Jacobs
Strike!, Fifty Years and Counting
FacebookTwitterRedditEmail