Six Ways to Eliminate the Deficit

1. Extend the Bush Tax Cuts but Only for Those with Incomes over $250,000.

The rich need to extend their wealth in the United States so that more of their money can trickle down to help small businesses and those with lesser incomes. Clearly, the rich know how to manage their money—that is why they are rich in the first place—so let their successes serve as a model for all others to work harder.

2. Sell Naming Rights for “Elected” Officials. When Meg Whitman spent $160,000,000 of her own money to win the gubernatorial race in California and lost, she demonstrated that there vast amounts of money that people are willing to risk losing in order to fulfill their dreams. What a loss for California, which badly needed the money to balance its budget. Instigate a system where governorships, seats for senators and representatives can be sold in blind auctions where the person or organization that bids the most gets the naming right for the public office. Examples? The Koch Brothers Congressional Representative from Indiana. The Chamber of Commerce Governor of Ohio. The Rupert Murdock Senator of Nevada. In a blind auction, all bidders would be expected to forfeit their money, but only the politician who was supported with the most money would win (little different than the system currently in place.) Could such a system lead to conflicts of interest? No more than in the past. Only the Presidency would not be included in the naming rights auction, since the President would still be able to veto the egregious abuses of named senators and representatives.

3. Outsource the Treasury Department, the Federal Reserve, and the United States Mint. Since China already has the ability to control our economy because of its huge reserves of American dollars, the outsourcing to China of our entire economic system not only makes sound financial sense but will save the government vast amounts of money. For example, it costs the United States Mint more than one cent to produce each penny. Let the Chinese do it. When additional funds are needed to pay for unexpected wars and disasters, let the Chinese print more money—as much as is necessary to pay for the latest unforeseen expense. Instead of subjecting poor Ben Bernanke to constant criticism, let someone in China become the head of the Federal Reserve and make those decisions. Ditto for Timothy Geitner.

4. Open Immigration to All Those Who Can Pay for It. A system like this is already in place today. Highly-skilled foreigners are put on the fast-track for American citizenship. Think of the huge fees that foreigners—particularly those from Mexico and Central America–currently pay to coyotes and others who smuggle them into the United States. Tap those fees, increase them, and permit these people to come to the United States, legally. Since they’re willing to do the jobs that no one else will do, they won’t be contributing to higher unemployment.

5. Outsource Diplomacy and All Diplomatic Cables. Again, outsource these to China—China is going to take over anyway. If this outsourcing were implemented, there would be no more troubling Wikileaks. Any embarrassing remarks could be attributed to typos and inaccurate translations: “We didn’t call Angela Merkel a moron. We called her a matron.” How would this outsourcing help balance the budget? With no further embarrassments on the diplomatic front, it would be much easier to coerce our allies into supporting us in future wars—and getting them to pay for them.

6. Eliminate Social Security for Those with Incomes of Less than $250,000. This will be the biggest boon to the United States Treasury and the pay-off for conservatives who have lobbied for such a change for decades. Only the rich should be given Social Security because they have earned the right to it. Almost everyone else never contributes enough to pay for what they expect to get back for the rest of their lives after retirement. Might such a decision lead to social unrest? Think back to the Depression, the single most important event in American history for building character. No one who survived the Depression ever went into debt again. What better way to instill frugality than to take Social Security away from the vast majority of American citizens.

CHARLES R. LARSON is Professor of Literature at American University, in Washington, D.C.


Charles R. Larson is Emeritus Professor of Literature at American University, in Washington, D.C. Email = Twitter @LarsonChuck.