• Monthly
  • $25
  • $50
  • $100
  • $other
  • use PayPal


We are inching along, but not as quickly as we (or you) would like. If you have already donated, thank you so much. If you haven’t had a chance, consider skipping the coffee this week and drop CounterPunch $5 or more. We provide our content for free, but it costs us a lot to do so. Every dollar counts.

Don’t Cry for Him, Argentina!

All right, so another Republican hopeful has fessed up to his sexual indiscretions.  A tearful Mark Sanford, the Governor of South Carolina, has confessed that he messed up his life, and the lives of his wife and children, because of a mistress in Argentina.  Well, don’t cry for him, Argentina, but perhaps it’s best not to discuss Sanford’s crocodile tears.  Isn’t this the guy who thought that Clinton should be impeached for not having sexual intercourse with an intern?  Why is it that the people who shout the loudest about the sexual lapses of others turn out to be the biggest hypocrites?

Wasn’t it just last week that another Republican hopeful got caught with his pants down?  Nevada Senator John Ensign—also railing that Clinton needed to be impeached—confessed to similar revelations about his inability to stay monogamous.  And Ensign, like Mark Sanford, had Presidential aspirations, presumably thinking that hypocrisy would be one of the de rigueur requirements that would land him in the White House.

And the week before Ensign’s fall from grace?  Well, it wasn’t quite the same cookie, though the contaminated dough apparently came from the same batch.  David Letterman got blasted for bringing up Bristol Palin’s abstinence campaign.  To be fair, poor Bristol is little more than a pawn of her politically-driven mother (also a Presidential hopeful).  Yet, sadly, sad little Bristol now has to walk a tight tightrope, poster girl for the Republican right’s campaign against sex before marriage.  At least pathetic little Bristol doesn’t have Levi Johnston to worry about any longer now that Levi’s gotten smart and wondered if Bristol’s baby might not be his.

And the week before Bristol?  Just in case you’re counting, four weeks ago it was Newt Gingrich, ersatz voice of today’s Republican Party.  The Republicans love him because he actually led the attack on Clinton’s impeachment at a time when the Republican Party had only one agenda: Get Clinton.  Today, the Party of Hypocrisy, similarly, has one united agenda: Get Obama.  And just in case you’ve forgotten, Newt was having an affair with another woman while his wife was recovering from uterine cancer.  Makes you wonder just how low these people are willing to go.

And the week before Gingrich?  I confess that I’m getting them confused.  There are too many.  Puritans are still on the prowl.  Was it Senator Larry Craig, caught tap dancing in a men’s toilet?  Or was it Ted Haggard, once one of the country’s leading Evangelical ministers?  Does it even matter?  Well, it does, in fact, because of the holier-than-thou attitude that rules the GOP.  We all know that politicians who are Democrats fall at the same rate for their hidden sex lives.  The difference?  The false morality, the phony values of the GOP make one question if there isn’t still another reason why Republicans sink more ignominiously than Democrats.

I assure you, I’ve given this serious thought.  All men are created equal with certain biological needs that, in theory, make us all brothers.  We are all descendants of the same man (Adam in some versions of this story; Australopithecus Africanus in others).  Thus, it may be best to look at an African example in order to get to the bottom of this perplexing moral conundrum.

Sani Abacha—the ruthless Nigerian leader—died of a heart attack in 1998.  Or so the official medical reports report.  But the man on the street in Lagos will tell you that Abacha died from an overdose of Viagra while he was romping with prostitutes.  If one Viagra works, consider how great the result if you take two.  Or five.  Or ten.

We all know that the reasons why Republicans are against universal health care in the United States is that Big Pharma has always contributed massive amounts of money to their election campaigns.  Ergo, that money might evaporate if the country begins to show concern for the uninsured.  (And those uninsured don’t deserve universal health care because they’re lazy and unemployed, always trying to get something for free, but I digress.)

So it’s all fairly simple.  Big Pharma not only supports Republican candidates with cash contributions but, also, free samples of the latest billion-dollar ED products. “Elections for erections,” you could call it.  (Or possibly, the other way around.)  In short, Republican politicians pop too many of those magic little pills.  If one works, try two…  This has to be the only rational explanation—unless it’s a matter of eugenics (Republicans have smaller brains than Democrats) but we’d better not go there.

In case you doubt my conclusion—Republicans are addicted to those little pills—then remember the one Republican hopeful who admitted that he was taking all those boner uppers: Bob Dole.

CHARLES R. LARSON is Professor of Literature at American University, in Washington, D.C.  His email address is clarson@american.edu.

More articles by:

Charles R. Larson is Emeritus Professor of Literature at American University, in Washington, D.C. Email = clarson@american.edu. Twitter @LarsonChuck.

October 21, 2019
Jeffrey St. Clair
The Wolf at the Door: Adventures in Fundraising With Cockburn
Rev. William Alberts
Myopic Morality: The Rehabilitation of George W. Bush
Sheldon Richman
Let’s Make Sure the Nazis Killed in Vain
Horace G. Campbell
Chinese Revolution at 70: Twists and Turns, to What?
Jim Kavanagh
The Empire Steps Back
Ralph Nader
Where are the Influentials Who Find Trump Despicable?
Doug Johnson Hatlem
Poll Projection: Left-Leaning Jagmeet Singh to Share Power with Trudeau in Canada
Thomas Knapp
Excuses, Excuses: Now Hillary Clinton’s Attacking Her Own Party’s Candidates
Brian Terrell
The United States Air Force at Incirlik, Our National “Black Eye”
Paul Bentley
A Plea for More Cynicism, Not Less: Election Day in Canada
Walter Clemens
No Limits to Evil?
Robert Koehler
The Collusion of Church and State
Kathy Kelly
Taking Next Steps Toward Nuclear Abolition
Charlie Simmons
How the Tax System Rewards Polluters
Chuck Collins
Who is Buying Seattle? The Perils of the Luxury Real Estate Boom
Weekend Edition
October 18, 2019
Friday - Sunday
Anthony DiMaggio
Trump as the “Anti-War” President: on Misinformation in American Political Discourse
Jeffrey St. Clair
Roaming Charges: Where’s the Beef With Billionaires?
Rob Urie
Capitalism and the Violence of Environmental Decline
Paul Street
Bernie in the Deep Shit: Dismal Dem Debate Reflections
Andrew Levine
What’s So Awful About Foreign Interference?
T.J. Coles
Boris Johnson’s Brexit “Betrayal”: Elect a Clown, Expect a Pie in Your Face
Joseph Natoli
Trump on the March
Ashley Smith
Stop the Normalization of Concentration Camps
Pete Dolack
The Fight to Overturn the Latest Corporate Coup at Pacifica Has Only Begun
Jeremy Kuzmarov
Russophobia at Democratic Party Debate
Chris Gilbert
Forward! A Week of Protest in Catalonia
Daniel Beaumont
Pressing Done Here: Syria, Iraq and “Informed Discussion”
Daniel Warner
Greta the Disturber
John Kendall Hawkins
Journey to the Unknown Interior of (You)
M. G. Piety
“Grim Positivism” vs. Truthiness in Biography
Christopher Fons – Conor McMullen
The Centrism of Elizabeth Warren
Nino Pagliccia
Peace Restored in Ecuador, But is trust?
Rebecca Gordon
Extorting Ukraine is Bad Enough But Trump Has Done Much Worse
Kathleen Wallace
Trump Can’t Survive Where the Bats and Moonlight Laugh
Clark T. Scott
Cross-eyed, Fanged and Horned
Eileen Appelbaum
The PR Campaign to Hide the Real Cause of those Sky-High Surprise Medical Bills
Olivia Alperstein
Nuclear Weapons are an Existential Threat
Colin Todhunter
Asia-Pacific Trade Deal: Trading Away Indian Agriculture?
Sarah Anderson
Where is “Line Worker Barbie”?
Brian Cloughley
Yearning to Breathe Free
Jill Richardson
Why are LGBTQ Rights Even a Debate?
Jesse Jackson
What I Learn While Having Lunch at Cook County Jail
Kathy Kelly
Death, Misery and Bloodshed in Yemen
Maximilian Werner
Leadership Lacking for Wolf Protection
Arshad Khan
The Turkish Gambit