FacebookTwitterGoogle+RedditEmail

Rush to the Rescue

“The Obama regime has shown itself incapable of taking the necessary bold steps to end the economic catastrophe that began with Clinton-era liberal malfeasance. We’re beyond bailouts and other rearguard efforts. This is not the Great Depression. It is the Apocalypse. We must act quickly and decisively to make it an American Apocalypse, not some multicultural mashup that nobody really wins. Because without losers there are no winners, folks, so Let’s not go wobbly, as Maggie Thatcher used to say, or waste time lamenting the fate of the less gifted, less able, less lucky.

“Desperate times call for desperate measures. Unless we risk all, we cannot win all. The “fairness doctrine” is a sham in mass media or in life. It’s America First and Only, Survival of the Fittest, Might makes right, Manifest Destiny, My Country Right or Wrong and any other cultural supremacy cliché you know. Here’s what we must do:

“1. Every man and woman between 18 and 60 who signs up for unemployment benefits is automatically registered for the military draft. Of course not all will be accepted for military service, but within 90 days of signing up, every potential draftee will be tested physically and mentally for fitness to serve. And then inducted. This rapid massive build-up will provide needed employment for millions and prepare the United States for its ordained mission.

“2. A U.S.-led coalition of the at-least-semi-docile will invade selected oil-producing countries, including Venezuela and Iran. With control of these huge, strategic oil reserves, the United States will have sufficient supplies to run our super-sized armed forces worldwide, jump start our domestic economy and dictate trade terms across the planet. We shall redouble our troop strength in Iraq and Afghanistan to subdue insurgents once and for all. If we cannot destroy them we will pay them to join us. Our supporting allies – presumably all the other English-speaking provinces whom we subsidize (England, Canada, Australia) – will share in the (sp)oil(s).

“3. Disband the United Nations. Liberals, their allies in underdeveloped countries and various Euro-smarties have for decades accused the United States of trying to be the world’s policeman. Unfortunately they were wrong and the world has suffered for it. But now we will be the planet’s cop. And things will run a hell of a lot smoother as a result. One efficient empire is much better than hundreds of messy, competing independent states. And we’ll get those foreign agitators out of Manhattan.

“4. Deport all undesirables. Not just the wetbacks, anyone who fails a basic English test. If they can’t learn the common tongue that unites our great nation, they need to leave. Right now. All citizens will be required to pledge their loyalty. We need to know where everyone stands. If you’re not with us, you’ve got to go, whether or not your or your grandmother was born in the USA. That half-built fence along the Mexican frontier is going to be finished and reinforced. Our beefed-up military will protect our southern border with orders to shoot to kill. No more amnesty. No more sending people back in busses. You cross illegally, you die. End of story.

“5. Legalize all drugs. In times of crisis, necessity trumps morality. Ask Hillary Clinton, who just told the Chinese how happy we are to trade with them despite their abysmal human rights record. The War on Drugs is a costly failure, giving us no control over their dissemination and no profits from their sales. By legalizing and taxing marijuana, heroin, methedrine, cocaine, etc. we can turn the dreadful losses of ineffectual enforcement into mega-profits. Conservatives such as Milton Friedman and William F. Buckley have also endorsed this strategy, folks, so hold all your hate mail.

“Remember, even if global warming were happening, it would not be our fault. And you don’t have to thank me for saving this planet. I do it because I can. With talent on loan from God. If I were any smarter you wouldn’t be able to understand me.”

(Nationally syndicated radio personality Rush Limbaugh, subject of Rush Limbaugh is a Big Fat Idiot, and other books, can talk faster than most people – including him – can think.)

JAMES McENTEER is the author of Shooting the Truth: the Rise of American Political Documentaries (Praeger 2006). He lives in Cochabamba, Bolivia.

 

 

More articles by:

James McEnteer’s most recent book is Acting Like It Matters: John Malpede and the Los Angeles Poverty DepartmentHe lives in Quito, Ecuador.

July 17, 2018
Conn Hallinan
Trump & The Big Bad Bugs
Robert Hunziker
Trump Kills Science, Nature Strikes Back
John Grant
The Politics of Cruelty
Kenneth Surin
Calculated Buffoonery: Trump in the UK
Binoy Kampmark
Helsinki Theatrics: Trump Meets Putin
Patrick Bond
BRICS From Above, Seen Critically From Below
Jim Kavanagh
Fighting Fake Stories: The New Yorker, Israel and Obama
Daniel Falcone
Chomsky on the Trump NATO Ruse
W. T. Whitney
Oil Underground in Neuquén, Argentina – and a New US Military Base There
Doug Rawlings
Ken Burns’ “The Vietnam War” was Nominated for an Emmy, Does It Deserve It?
Rajan Menon
The United States of Inequality
Thomas Knapp
Have Mueller and Rosenstein Finally Gone Too Far?
Cesar Chelala
An Insatiable Salesman
Dean Baker
Truth, Trump and the Washington Post
Mel Gurtov
Human Rights Trumped
Binoy Kampmark
Putin’s Football Gambit: How the World Cup Paid Off
July 16, 2018
Sheldon Richman
Trump Turns to Gaza as Middle East Deal of the Century Collapses
Charles Pierson
Kirstjen Nielsen Just Wants to Protect You
Brett Wilkins
The Lydda Death March and the Israeli State of Denial
Patrick Cockburn
Trump Knows That the US Can Exercise More Power in a UK Weakened by Brexit
Robert Fisk
The Fisherman of Sarajevo Told Tales Past Wars and Wars to Come
Gary Leupp
When Did Russia Become an Adversary?
Uri Avnery
“Not Enough!”
Dave Lindorff
Undermining Trump-Putin Summit Means Promoting War
Manuel E. Yepe
World Trade War Has Begun
Binoy Kampmark
Trump Stomps Britain
Wim Laven
The Best Deals are the Deals that Develop Peace
Kary Love
Can We Learn from Heinrich Himmler’s Daughter? Should We?
Jeffrey St. Clair
Franklin Lamb, Requiescat in Pace
Weekend Edition
July 13, 2018
Friday - Sunday
Brian Cloughley
Lessons That Should Have Been Learned From NATO’s Destruction of Libya
Paul Street
Time to Stop Playing “Simon Says” with James Madison and Alexander Hamilton
Jeffrey St. Clair
Roaming Charges: In the Land of Formula and Honey
Aidan O'Brien
Ireland’s Intellectuals Bow to the Queen of Chaos 
Michael Collins
The Affirmative Action Silo
Andrew Levine
Tipping Points
Geoff Dutton
Fair and Balanced Opinion at the New York Times
Ajamu Baraka
Cultural and Ideological Struggle in the US: a Final Comment on Ocasio-Cortez
David Rosen
The New McCarthyism: Is the Electric Chair Next for the Left?
Ken Levy
The McConnell Rule: Nasty, Brutish, and Unconstitutional
George Wuerthner
The Awful Truth About the Hammonds
Robert Fisk
Will Those Killed by NATO 19 Years Ago in Serbia Ever Get Justice?
Robert Hunziker
Three Climatic Monsters with Asteroid Impact
Ramzy Baroud
Europe’s Iron Curtain: The Refugee Crisis is about to Worsen
Nick Pemberton
A Letter For Scarlett JoManDaughter
Marilyn Garson
Netanyahu’s War on Transcendence 
FacebookTwitterGoogle+RedditEmail