CounterPunch is a lifeboat of sanity in today’s turbulent political seas. Please make a tax-deductible donation and help us continue to fight Trump and his enablers on both sides of the aisle. Every dollar counts!
Newly-approved FDA changes:
1). For adults with Chronic Idiopathic Mucus (Mucosusnimium)
Ask your doctor about getting relief with prescription FLEMNOMO.
FLEMNOMO is the only prescription medicine approved to treat Chronic
Idiopathic Mucus, often refereed to as excessive saliva because of
full mouth resulting in constant expectoration. The cause of the
mucus is unknown and not due to hydration or swimmer’s elbow.
FLEMNOMO AT A GLANCE
While individual results may vary, here are the basics about FLEMNOMO:
On the day before taking FLEMNOMO, the majority of people had two
bowel movements and thirty-four incidents of expectoration.
In studies, people taking FLEMNOMO had an average of 5.4 bowel
movements and 138 episodes of expectoration per week.
FLEMNOMO helps reduce the incidents of expectoration, including tooth
decay, tooth discoloration, watery tongue, gagging, and the sensation
FLEMNOMO works in a unique way by forcing fluids down the throat and
into the stomach, helping urine to pass normally.
FLEMNOMO has a proven, long-term safety profile, in some people for
as long as three months, in others four.
Ask your doctor if Flemnomo (an FDA-approved prescription) for Chronic
idiopathic mucus is right for you.
Important safety information:
Women who are pregnant should not take FLEMNOMO.
Women who are thinking about becoming pregnant should not take FLEMNOMO.
Women who have ever been pregnant should not take FLEMNOMO.
Men who have ever impregnated a woman should not take FLEMNOMO.
FLEMNOMO may remove the enamel from your teeth, though these
incidents are rare.
FLEMNOMO may increase the gaps between your teeth, though these
incidents have been observed only by residents of Mississippi.
FLEMNOMO may lead to increased urination, though those incidents are
generally short-lived and can be treated by DETROL LA.
In rare instances, FLEMNOMO may result in trench mouth, lockjaw,
hoof-in-mouth disease, incontinence, hot flashes, and death.
Make certain your doctor knows about all the medications you are
taking before starting FLEMNOMO tablets, including aspirin and H2O.
2). For men with Restless Penis Syndrome (RPS)
Ask your physician about RELAXDIK. (ropeindong HCI)
Are you having trouble keeping it down at night?
Do you have trouble staying asleep because of strange sensations in
your penis? Do you dread going to movies, riding on trains or
airplanes, or attending long boring meetings because your mind
If these activities sound familiar, you may have Restless Penis
Syndrome (RPS), a common medical condition typified by the
uncontrollable urge to release chronic tension caused by overwork,
stress, or imagination. In its mild form, RPS affects approximately
one out of every two adults living in the United States. (Results may
be different in other countries).
If you believe you are experiencing the symptoms of RPS, call your
doctor, hound your doctor, until he prescribes Relaxdik for you.
Important safety information:
Relaxdik is not for everyone—especially women. Relaxdik tablets may
cause you to experience mild forms of ED, especially while skiing or
in the grocery store; or you black out, feel depressed, nauseated, or
sweaty when you stand up. Tell your doctor if you experience new or
increased interests in stamp collecting, conservatism, or becoming a
Make certain that your doctor is aware of all the other medications
you may be taking before taking Relaxdik tablets, including frolic
acid and L-dopa.
3). For adults with high cholesterol, diabetes, obesity, high blood
pressure, heart disease, heartburn, gingivitis, amnesia, tunnel
vision, allergies, osteoporosis, bed-wetting, narcolepsy, insecurity,
arthritis, kleptomania, low cholesterol, irritable bowel syndrome,
greed, tennis elbow, rhinitis, chronic dry eye, baldness, depression,
sleeplessness, ED, gall stones, broken heart, dermatitis,
weightlessness, chronic bronchitis and emphysema, ADHD, constipation, beriberi, glaucoma, lechery, incontinence, poverty, hernia, narcolepsy, jock itch, incompetence, mononucleosis, spite, athlete’s foot, idiosyncrasy, syphilis, RPS, and chronic idiopathic mucus.
Ask your doctor if a transplant is right for you.
Ask your doctor if a heart transplant will be right for you.
Ask you doctor if the Jarvik Artificial Heart is right for you.
Ask your doctor for a free sample.
CHARLES R. LARSON is Professor of Literature at American University in Washington, D.C. His books include Under African Skies, Worlds of Fiction, The Ordeal of the African Writer and Academia Nuts. He can be reached at: firstname.lastname@example.org