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Going North

by MISSY COMLEY BEATTIE

I don’t want any more Bush presidents. If Bush wins, I’m going to leave the country and spend the rest of my life in France.
Pierre Salinger

Salinger moved to France.

Well, I don’t want any more Bush presidents either. John McCain is a Bush president. Actually, although we didn’t believe it could be possible, McCain is worse than Bush. And so is Sarah Palin.

Just imagining McCain at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue in a mansion for which I help foot the bill gives me a hot flash.

In fact, thinking of Sarah Palin at Number One Observatory Circle, with her guy Todd, and their brood, including the father of daughter Bristol’s unborn baby, Levi Johnston, who referred to himself as a “fuckin redneck,” makes me have a hot flash of such severity that I have to open the freezer door and lean in–a flash of such magnitude that the heat from my face melts ice in their trays and defrosts the perishables.

And when I process that Palin and family might soon, like within six months to a year after the election, leave Number One Observatory Circle for 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue given John McCain’s age and poor health, I realize what I have to do.

Move. That’s right. I’d pull a Salinger.

Okay, I know this is an invitation to all the readers who’ve sent those “hate” e-mails to again correspond, suggesting with the same brilliance–”Love it or leave it.” Or the creative, “You cunt, get out of this country and don’t let the door hit you on your ass on the way out.”

Anyway, here’s my plan: I’m thinking Alaska. Now, I know you’re questioning whether this really means leaving the country. But bear with me. I’d go to Wasila, run for mayor and, then, get elected governor of the state. Ensconced at the top, I’d attend meetings of the Alaska Independence Party (AIP), the organization that’s pushed for a statewide vote on secession from the US. Alaska’s First Dude Todd was a member of AIP for seven years and Sarah, herself, in a videotaped speech, told members: “Keep up the good work.” This is code for keep trying to secede. And she also sanctified the group with her obligatory “God bless you.”

I think I’m just the person to accomplish secession. As governor of the state of Alaska, I would pursue an agenda to establish Alaska as a nation. And I’d never refer to the voters as “my fellow prisoners.” I’m serious. I’d even turn the leadership over to Ralph Nader or Cynthia McKinney. I’m not greedy or power hungry. So, if you’re as sick as I am about another Bush presidency, called McCain and Palin, which, soon, could be Palin and Palin or Palin and Rev. Thomas Muthee or Palin and Rev.Hagee or Palin and, well, you see where I’m going.

To Alaska. North to Alaska. Going north. The rush is on.

Missy Beattie lives in New York City. She’s written for National Public Radio and Nashville Life Magazine. An outspoken critic of the Bush Administration and the war in Iraq, she’s a member of Gold Star Families for Peace. She completed a novel last year, but since the death of her nephew, Marine Lance Cpl. Chase J. Comley, in Iraq on August 6,’05, she has been writing political articles. She can be reached at: Missybeat@aol.com

 

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Missy Beattie has written for National Public Radio and Nashville Life Magazine. She was an instructor of memoirs writing at Johns Hopkins’ Osher Lifelong Learning Institute in BaltimoreEmail: missybeat@gmail.com

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