The Obamarama Campaign Express was roaring down a New Hampshire highway near Nashua when an aide spotted the sprawling No Holds Barred Sports Bar. “Let’s stop the bus,” she urged, “and do some random schmoozing.”
Obama and his entourage poured out of the bus and headed for the front door, over which hung a large sign: “HOME OF THE POLI-BEER: WHERE BOOZE, POLITICS AND SPORTS MIX IT UP!”
Inside the packed bar, the guys and gals were gathering for the Big Game to start. Before the game, however, there was an hour for political talk time. Their eyes widened in amazement when they saw Barack, bounding through the doorway with his secret service detail.
The bar had a big pit, with a huge crackling fireplace, where the patrons have their regular give and take. Obama was ready for some of that.
He started: “I stand for change. They said we set our sights too high in Iowa. They said now is not the time. I proved the cynics wrong in corn country and I’ll prove them wrong in the granite state. To show you I mean it, no speech, go at me. Our time for change has come.”
Guy number one-“Ok, Barack, you’re going for the power in the Big House, the big companies already have the power, how ya gonna make us little people powerful?”
Obama-“Stay tuned. One leap at a time. We are one people. Get me there first.”
Gal number one-“You say, CHANGE, well how are you going to cut the bloated military budget full of vast waste, fraud and abuse, when you’ve specifically said you’ll ‘expand and modernize the military?’ Why, it’s already half or more of the government’s operating budget, squeezing programs for children, health and all that. I’m an accountant and I know numbers.”
Obama-“Exactly. Our time for change has come. I’m going to change the old weapons with new weapons and the old soldiers with the new soldiers. That’s real change-at the grass roots.”
Guy number two-“You don’t seem to have any rough edges, Barack.”
Obama-“It’s all about the mood, dude.”
The crowd was getting agitated and the questions came faster and faster.
“Why are you for nuclear power with taxpayer guarantees?”
“Will you oppose Congress getting pay raises, pensions and health insurance until the American people get the same?”
“Do you favor repealing the anti-union nightmare-the Taft-Hartley Act of 1947?”
“How can you talk about change and take gobs of campaign money from the big corporate lawyers and bosses?”
Obama, smiling: “It’s ALL about the mood, dudes. All the rest are details you can look up on my website-obama_is_us.org. We are choosing hope over fear.”
Gal number two-“Ok, answer this one that probably isn’t on your website. When are you going to meet with Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton and campaign in the black ghettos-say Harlem or Watts?”
Obama-“Whoaa, give that tough lady a Poli-beer on me! We are one nation.”
Guy number three (with an Obama face mask)-“I’m the old Obama, remember me? I was for single-payer, full medicare for everyone. I was strongly for Palestinian rights and for replacing NAFTA and WTO, not for tweaking them. I was for taxing the super-rich and defending class actions. I was for capping credit-card and loan shark interest rates. What happened to me?”
Obama-“Well, didn’t I tell you that I stand for CHANGE?”
Gal number three-“You seem to be for everyone, but not everyone is for everyone. Some are against everyone. Tell me, are the big corporations, the greedy defense contractors, drug, oil and insurance companies, starting to quake in their boots at the thought that you are now the front-runner?”
Obama, lifting his chin-“Well, Ma’am, we haven’t ordered our seismometer yet.”
Oooohs and boos float around the pit. A few start drifting away.
Guy number four-“You’re one of those smart Haavard lawyers, Barack. You were a constitutional law teacher. You were against the illegal invasion and occupation of Iraq. So, why aren’t you putting two and two together-impeachment of the war criminals in the White House followed by conviction in the Senate?”
Obama-“You don’t understand (testily), impeachment talk is just more of the same old Washington politics. I stand for change. No need to point fingers. We are one people.”
Gal number four-“Hello, Barack. I’m Hermaphrodite and I luv your blended politics of harmony.”
Obama-“Great! Then how about a quick dance around the bar before we have to leave,” he said, humming to the tune of the Battle Hymn of the Republic-“We are choosing unity over division, we’re sending a powerful message, that change is a coming to America, it is all about the mood, dude”
RALPH NADER is the author of The Seventeen Traditions