These Brainless Politicians

The best form of politics you can have in an imperfect world is where politicians have to play up to people by giving them such things as better housing. The dangerous politicians are the ones who call for sacrifice and duty to one’s country. They are entitled to six ounces of lead between the eyes-not in the brain, because they have no brain.

— Brendan Behan

Ready, aim, fire! Drum roll, please. Because in our very imperfect world, we have some perfectly reprehensible politicians-especially those who refuse to listen to the people who sent them to Washington, DC. Included are:

Dick Cheney and George Bush. These delusional co-presidents are obsessed with war, power, American empire, torture, and the death of freedom, democracy, and the Constitution.

Add this week’s particularly vocal:

Sen. Mitch McConnell. This war hawk from my home state of Kentucky supports the long, deadly wait until September to see if benchmarks have been made in Iraq. Never mind that advocating for more time, a stay of execution for George Bush and a war lost with the first bomb of “Shock and Awe,” means continuing the surge in troop deaths and Iraqi civilian casualties. McConnell, reacting to the House vote for military withdrawal from Iraq said: “Certainly the young soldiers and Marines risking their lives today on the streets of Baghdad and Ramadi would agree–and they deserve our patience.” No, Mitch, they deserve to be brought home, removed from an illegal war against a sovereign nation that had no connection to the events of 9/11. They need to immediately leave a country where they are committing war crimes for a criminal administration and a commander-in-chief who is ignorant, ruthless, and self-serving, a president who believes that Congress should fund wars but have no voice in saying no to war.


Rep. John Boehner of Ohio. Another trigger-happy George Bush groupie, Boehner, also, supports waiting until September when Gen. David Patraeus, the top US military commander in Iraq, will issue his progress report. Boehner recently called Republicans who are speaking against Bush’s war policy “wimps.” His response to the House vote for troop withdrawal: “What we have here is not leadership, it’s negligence.” No, Bonehead, it’s neither. Disgracefully, for so many of those who voted to end the war, it’s about political expediency and keeping the day job.

For some of these reprobate lawmakers, the day job is an opportunity to be away from the family. Take, for example, David Vitter of Louisiana, in hiding right now. Playing hide the wienie with high-priced call girls means going into seclusion when caught. Seclusion is that place from where one issues a statement about sin and forgiveness from God. And, sometimes, rehab. DC and the campaign trail are places from where one sermonizes about family values while condemning those whose lifestyles are different. Seems all that distance between DC and Metairie where wife Wendy takes care of the children made David horny. On second thought, I can’t say it’s the miles. Vitter was horny for strange when he ventured the short drive from home to New Orleans. Just thinking about it gives me motion sickness. I’m impressed, though. Because the first sentence on the senator’s web site is: “David Vitter is dedicated to making life better for his young family.” David, David, David, you are one committed family man, learning to be a better lover to improve the life of your young family. As in happy wife, happy children.

I think I’ll stop. The list of brainless politicians is too long. Plus, I’m a person for peace. Instead of ready, aim, fire, let’s just fire them.

Missy Beattie lives in New York City. She’s written for National Public Radio and Nashville Life Magazine. An outspoken critic of the Bush Administration and the war in Iraq, she’s a member of Gold Star Families for Peace. She completed a novel last year, but since the death of her nephew, Marine Lance Cpl. Chase J. Comley, in Iraq on August 6,’05, she has been writing political articles. She can be reached at:



Missy Beattie has written for National Public Radio and Nashville Life Magazine. She was an instructor of memoirs writing at Johns Hopkins’ Osher Lifelong Learning Institute in BaltimoreEmail: