FacebookTwitterGoogle+RedditEmail

What I Learned About Being a Dickhead

by JEENIE CRISCENZO

Visitors to the San Diego Zoo today had a surprise in store for them–the chain gang trio (Bush, Cheney and Condi) were bobbling their heads and performing their antics, dressed in prison stripes and waving big money around. I got to wear the Cheney head, which I reluctantly admit, means that I spent the morning being a Dick-head.

As always, I never pass up the opportunity to learn from my experiences, so while I stood there on the corner of Park Blvd. & Zoo Place, telling everyone walking by that they should be in Iraq, I came up with a short list of observations. I’ll share them with you, in case you were considering becoming a Dick-head yourself one day.

First–getting inside the head of a neo-con is a terrifying experience, but wearing the paper-mache head is no picnic either. It’s heavy! And something in the helmet embedded in the contraption kept pulling at my hair. I was certain that when I finally un-donned the beast, I’d have a bald spot in the back of my head. Dick-heading gave me a headache. No wonder Cheney always looks so angry!

Second–there’s a very narrow view of the world when you are seeing it from Dick Cheney’s mouth. I couldn’t see on the left at all because that side of his mouth was scrunched in his trademark talking-out-of-the-side-of-his-mouth snarl. Then there was the big hundred-dollar bill stuck in the mouth which forced me to look at everything through the money lens. I wear progressive bifocals, so it was a trick to position my glasses to focus without the head sliding forward and blocking my view completely.

Third–People might pretend they like you when you’re a Dick-head, but secretly they were wishing me dead. At one point I had to pull Bush Bobble-head away from the curb where cars turning the corner. Call me paranoid, but some of those cars appeared to be trying to run us over! Mothers walking by with their kids in tow, eyed me suspiciously, even though their children thought I was a Disney character. I tried to be friendly, inviting the little darlings to join the military, offering them a ride in my un-armored Humvee. But while they laughed, no one asked to have their photo taken with me like they did with my boy-George. It was pretty lonely being a Dick-head.

Fourth–People don’t seem to be too happy about my little war game. The majority of people going by were holding up two fingers in that snarky, Communist peace sign! They yelled out some pretty nasty things–like “Impeach the bastards!”

I started out thinking there were five things I learned today. But my head hurts and my feet hurt and my feelings hurt. So I’ll just end it here. All in all, I wouldn’t recommend being a Dick-head. Thank God I was able to extricate myself from the mess. It was easy–I simply impeached myself. In case the original Dick-head is listening, I suggest you do the same–you’ll feel a whole lot better afterwards–as I do now. In fact. We’ll all feel a lot better. And I won’t have to waste another beautiful Sunday in May standing on the corner being a Dick-head.

Jeeni Criscenzo is a flaming liberal who ran for Congress in 2006 and now spends her time writing and working to get Dennis Kucinich elected President so we can all go home and be content again.

 

 

More articles by:

CounterPunch Magazine

minimag-edit

bernie-the-sandernistas-cover-344x550

zen economics

Weekend Edition
June 23, 2017
Friday - Sunday
Jeffrey St. Clair
Democrats in the Dead Zone
Gary Leupp
Trump, Qatar and the Danger of Total Confusion
Andrew Levine
The “Democracies” We Deserve
Jeffrey St. Clair - Joshua Frank
The FBI’s “Operation Backfire” and the Case of Briana Waters
Rob Urie
Cannibal Corpse
Joseph G. Ramsey
Savage Calculations: On the Exoneration of Philando Castile’s Killer
John Wight
Trump’s Attack on Cuba
Dave Lindorff
We Need a Mass Movement to Demand Radical Progressive Change
Brian Cloughley
Moving Closer to Doom
David Rosen
The Sex Offender: the 21st Century Witch
John Feffer
All Signs Point to Trump’s Coming War With Iran
Jennifer L. Lieberman
What’s Really New About the Gig Economy?
Pete Dolack
Analyzing the Failures of Syriza
Vijay Prashad
The Russian Nexus
Mike Whitney
Putin Tries to Avoid a Wider War With the US
Gregory Barrett
“Realpolitik” in Berlin: Merkel Fawns Over Kissinger
Louis Yako
The Road to Understanding Syria Goes Through Iraq
Graham Peebles
Grenfell Tower: A Disaster Waiting to Happen
Ezra Rosser
The Poverty State of Mind and the State’s Obligations to the Poor
Ron Jacobs
Andrew Jackson and the American Psyche
Pepe Escobar
Fear and Loathing on the Afghan Silk Road
Andre Vltchek
Why I Reject Western Courts and Justice
Lawrence Davidson
On Hidden Cultural Corruptors
Christopher Brauchli
The Routinization of Mass Shootings in America
Missy Comley Beattie
The Poor Need Not Apply
Martin Billheimer
White Man’s Country and the Iron Room
Joseph Natoli
What to Wonder Now
Tom Clifford
Hong Kong: the Chinese Meant Business
Thomas Knapp
The Castile Doctrine: Cops Without Consequences
Nyla Ali Khan
Borders Versus Memory
Binoy Kampmark
Death on the Road: Memory in Tim Winton’s Shrine
Tony McKenna
The Oily Politics of Unity: Owen Smith as Northern Ireland Shadow Secretary
Nizar Visram
If North Korea Didn’t Exist US Would Create It
John Carroll Md
At St. Catherine’s Hospital, Cite Soleil, Haiti
Kenneth Surin
Brief Impressions of the Singaporean Conjucture
Paul C. Bermanzohn
Trump: the Birth of the Hero
Jill Richardson
Trump on Cuba: If Obama Did It, It’s Bad
Olivia Alperstein
Our President’s Word Wars
REZA FIYOUZAT
Useless Idiots or Useful Collaborators?
Clark T. Scott
Parallel in Significance
Louis Proyect
Hitler and the Lone Wolf Assassin
Julian Vigo
Theresa May Can’t Win for Losing
Richard Klin
Prog Rock: Pomp and Circumstance
Charles R. Larson
Review: Malin Persson Giolito’s “Quicksand”
David Yearsley
RIP: Pomp and Circumstance
FacebookTwitterGoogle+RedditEmail