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Why I Like Ann Coulter

by MICHAEL SIMMONS

A week has passed since Annie Coulter uttered her latest cluster bomb of a soundbite. Like cluster bombs, a hollow shell drops from Annie’s drawn, wrinkled mouth and thousands of bomblets explode in the liberal media in response.

As a veteran teaser, I recognize an ancient shtick when I see one. When I was a child, engaging in childish behavior, I would tease my little sister unmercifully. She was the perfect target for my cruel gags because she always bit the bait. Whether I was making her toys appear and reappear or pretending that I was dead, she’d inevitably cry or get angry. In the mid-1960s she tearfully accused me of being “just like the Viet Cong.” I bemusedly asked her why and she replied “they put chopsticks in peoples’ ears.”

Like my sister, every time itsy-bitsy, teensy-weensy, skinny-minny Annie Coulter flaps her gums, steam shoots from the ears of progressives and self-proclaimed decent folk and they publish apoplectic jeremiads against her. This is precisely what she wants. She allegedly charges twixt $25,001 and $50,000 for each personal appearance before the invade-their-countries-kill-their-leaders-convert-them-to-Christianity crowd. Every controversy over her remarks ups her profile and profitability. Yet the politically correct marks seem oblivious to the fact that they’re being used.

Personally, I like her. She’s a self-made caricature, a combo of Joe McCarthy and aging, anorexic, blonde supermodel. At least she’s original in this respect. But more importantly, I’m thoroughly entertained by her. She makes me laugh. While she has none of the deep morality, innate decency, or wit of the late Lenny Bruce, she, like him, obliterates notions of that horrible falsehood called “nice.” This is not a nice world we live in and Annie Coulter proves that the right-wing are not nice people, but racists, homophobes, greedheads, and murderers. Like Lenny, Annie speaks The Truth. For that alone, she serves a crucial purpose, one for which I am grateful.

The next time Annie sticks chopsticks into the collective ear of the left, I suggest that the overly sensitive ignore her. If the Coulters of the world had their way, they’d execute me, but they haven’t completely trashed the Constitution just yet. I eagerly await Annie’s next performance. It’s a grim world and I need the laugh.

MICHAEL SIMMONS is an award-winning journalist and currently filming a documentary on the Yippies. He can be reached at guydebord@sbcglobal.net.

 

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Michael Simmons is a musician and journalist. He can be reached at guydebord@sbcglobal.net.

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