FacebookTwitterRedditEmail

Feeding Tubes and the SAT

Tube-feeding case law should not be a function of which families have the gall and money to litigate longest. We need simple rules that will return the justice system to more important matters, such as Hillary Clinton’s and Dubya Bush’s insider trading.

Whether patient x lives or dies is of life-threatening importance only to patient x. Custom no longer requires that the surviving spouse join the funeral pyre. And if patient x can’t break zero on the SAT (or some other measure of mentation), then by definition life or death matters not even to patient x.

If the patient can’t communicate, the considerations are who pays for medical care, and who has a feel for the patient’s preferences in extreme medicine when last able to communicate. Until the US has national health care or Karl Rove is omniscient, Congress and president must therefore butt out. The decision belongs to whoever knew the patient or pays the insurance premia.

And let’s not give all power to the spouse. Spouses can remarry, with no legal limit even as to what constitutes a decent interval. In other words, what kind of deal goes down for tube feeding depends on the marriage. If you like feeding tubes, say so in writing while you can still break zippo on the SAT, or get a divorce.

Meanwhile, democratize the tube-removal process. Take a vote. Weight the votes by relationship. Using a formula may seem cold, but coldness is exactly what we want from government. Compassion in the hands of government is insider trading and changing the constitution for Arnold. Die intestate, and a similar formula applies to the disposition of your worldly goods. The formula might be:

Spouse 50%

Parent 25%

Child 25%

Grandparent 10%

Aunt, uncle, first cousin, grandchild 5%

Now multiply each vote by the voter’s SAT score. Yes, the SAT directly measures only the ability to apply square-root-of-three over two without a bathroom break. Yes, square-root-of-three over two is patriarchal and Eurocentric. No, the SAT won’t predict even the ability to do college work until the SAT happens five years later and becomes the GRE, MCAT, and LSAT. Yes, what the SAT measures is inapplicable to the case at hand–or is it? The SAT does measure self-discipline and rigor in thinking, and you can’t network your way to a better score. Similarly, passing Latin qualified Eric Blair to be a policeman in Burma. What in society meets even these standards? What would be a better test of your relatives’ judgment? How about:

Did Dubya Bush as Texas governor sign a bill to allow hospitals to pull the tubes of indigents? T/F

Did Dubya Bush steal the 2000 election? T/F

Was Al Gore’s attempt to steal the 2000 election incompetent? T/F

Suddenly your relatives think the SAT is not so bad after all. So we’re back to: If you can’t break zero on the SAT, verbal or math, within a year of the onset of tube feeding, your relatives vote on whether to shut you down.

OK, I’m kidding. None of the foregoing matters. As with Christopher Reeve, the lead story in tube feeding is the patient’s medical plan. The decision to pull the plug is in the hands of your HMO and its lifetime cap. Especially in Texas. And the most humane administration of an HMO cap is lethal injection, not starvation

HUNTER GREER can be reached at: greerjkm@aol.com

More articles by:
bernie-the-sandernistas-cover-344x550
Weekend Edition
December 06, 2019
Friday - Sunday
Jeffrey St. Clair
Eat an Impeachment
Matthew Hoh
Authorizations for Madness; The Effects and Consequences of Congress’ Endless Permissions for War
Jefferson Morley
Why the Douma Chemical Attack Wasn’t a ‘Managed Massacre’
Andrew Levine
Whatever Happened to the Obama Coalition?
Paul Street
The Dismal Dollar Dems and the Subversion of Democracy
Dave Lindorff
Conviction and Removal Aren’t the Issue; It’s Impeachment of Trump That is Essential
Ron Jacobs
Law Seminar in the Hearing Room: Impeachment Day Six
Linda Pentz Gunter
Why Do We Punish the Peacemakers?
Louis Proyect
Michael Bloomberg and Me
Robert Hunziker
Permafrost Hits a Grim Threshold
Joseph Natoli
What We Must Do
Evaggelos Vallianatos
Global Poison Spring
Robert Fantina
Is Kashmir India’s Palestine?
Charles McKelvey
A Theory of Truth From the South
Walden Bello
How the Battle of Seattle Made the Truth About Globalization True
Evan Jones
BNP Before a French Court
Norman Solomon
Kerry’s Endorsement of Biden Fits: Two Deceptive Supporters of the Iraq War
Torsten Bewernitz – Gabriel Kuhn
Syndicalism for the Twenty-First Century: From Unionism to Class-Struggle Militancy
Matthew Stevenson
Across the Balkans: From Banja Luka to Sarajevo
Thomas Knapp
NATO is a Brain Dead, Obsolete, Rabid Dog. Euthanize It.
Forrest Hylton
Bolivia’s Coup Government: a Far-Right Horror Show
M. G. Piety
A Lesson From the Danes on Immigration
Ellen Isaacs
The Audacity of Hypocrisy
Monika Zgustova
Chernobyl, Lies and Messianism in Russia
Manuel García, Jr.
From Caesar’s Last Breath to Ours
Binoy Kampmark
Going to the ICJ: Myanmar, Genocide and Aung San Suu Kyi’s Gamble
Jill Richardson
Marijuana and the Myth of the “Gateway Drug”
Muzamil Bhat
Srinagar’s Shikaras: Still Waters Run Deep Losses
Gaither Stewart
War and Betrayal: Change and Transformation
Farzana Versey
What Religion is Your Nationalism?
Clark T. Scott
The Focus on Trump Reveals the Democrat Model
Kollibri terre Sonnenblume
Do Bernie’s Supporters Know What “Not Me, Us” Means? Does Bernie?
Peter Harley
Aldo Leopold, Revisited
Winslow Myers
A Presidential Speech the World Needs to Hear
Christopher Brauchli
The Chosen One
Jim Britell
Misconceptions About Lobbying Representatives and Agencies
Ted Rall
Trump Gets Away with Stuff Because He Does
Mel Gurtov
Hong Kong, Xinjiang, and the Insecurity of China’s Leadership
Nicky Reid
Dennis Kucinich, Tulsi Gabbard and the Slow Death of the Democratic Delusion
Tom H. Hastings
Cross-Generational Power to Change
John Kendall Hawkins
1619: The Mighty Whitey Arrives
Julian Rose
Why I Don’t Have a Mobile Phone
David Yearsley
Parasitic Sounds
Elliot Sperber
Class War is Chemical War
December 05, 2019
Colin Todhunter
Don’t Look, Don’t See: Time for Honest Media Reporting on Impacts of Pesticides
FacebookTwitterRedditEmail