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Questions While Watching the Inaugural

1. Was Laura Bush squinting because of the dazzling white of her cashmere suit that she appeared to be poured into, like a sausage?

2. Speaking of sausages, what,s up with Jeb Bush? If Bill Parcels is Tuna, Jebbie is the Whale.

3. How macabre was it to see poor dying, doddering Rehnquist administer the oath of office to GW?

4. Why did Dennis Hastert administer the oath to Cheney And can’t he read? I mean, he only flubbed his lines three times.

5. What was Cheney,s lesbian daughter doing holding the Bible? Was that some kind of in-your-face to the Christian right?

6. What was racist Trent Lott running the show?

7. What’s with the pathetic singers? That “Bless This House” woman from Texas with the fake red hair? A regular warbling wrangler, she was.

8. And Denyce Graves? The only thing uglier than her coat was her untamed hair (maybe she and Jenna were vying for the most unkempt mop medal). And what was that awful song about?

9. Will George ever learn to speak his “s’s” without hissing? Could someone give him an elocution lesson?

10. Those twins. Could they get a fashion consultant or something? Fat Jenna in her pants and too-tight top. Barbara in her mismatched coat, dress, and belt. What a rag-tag team they are.

11. Did Laura and George honestly think they were dancing? Standing stiffly and swaying side to sides for 30 seconds?

12. And speaking of George and Laura, why were they so proud of being back at the White House by 10 pm? Is that any way to treat their nearest and dearest who paid a quarter million dollars for tickets?

13. How about that last prayer by the preacher from Texas? Did you like that curse on those who engage in “petty partisan politics”? Wouldn’t be referring to Democrats, would he? Are they the “evil one” he prayed that “we” be “delivered” from?

14. Is that tasteless, tepid show the best that $40 million can buy?

15. Finally, did the world that Bush ordered to get on board the freedom train–or else–get a good glimpse of freedom? Missile launchers, jet fighters, swat teams, cops with assault weapons, dogs, barbed wire, barricades, surveillance cameras-that’s what they have to look forward to?

As for me, I don’t think I can take another four years of freedom under George Bush. I am ready to try a little tyranny.

ELAINE CASSEL practices law in Virginia and the District of Columbia, teaches law and psychology, and follows the Bush regime’s dismantling of the Constitution at Civil Liberties Watch. Her new book The War on Civil Liberties: How Bush and Ashcroft Have Dismantled the Bill of Rights, is published by Lawrence Hill. She can be reached at: ecassel1@cox.net

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