FacebookTwitterGoogle+RedditEmail

Name the New DC Baseball Team

The “Name the New DC Team” contest is over and after dissecting more than 200 e-mails and 1,000 entries I am twitching more than George W. on debate night.

Entries ran the gamut from anti-war, to anti-racist, to just damn funny. We therefore have preliminary awards before we name the winner of his or her own custom-made t-shirt.

1 — Best Anti-War Baseball Name

We received among others, the DC Shock and Awe, the Warlords, the WMDS, the Bombers, the Pre-emptive Strikes, the Chickenhawks, the Abu-Ghraibers, and by far the most popular entrant, the Imperials. The winner, more for its delicate subtlety, was from Joe Ciarrocco: The Washington Tobacco Chewing War mongers.

2 — Best Anti-Racist Baseball Name

This is nice since the confederate confines of talk radio have been hee-hawing about naming the team the Anacostia Crack Heads, since nothing is funnier than racism (maybe we should call the team the DC Oxy-Contins with a puffed up Rush Limbaugh as mascot). In this contest, people kicked up instead of down. Names here included the Washington Greenbacks, Blackskins, Honkies or White Crackers (to stick it to the hometown Redskins.) Also the John Birchers, the Whistling Dixies, the Fetchits, and the Arrogant Fascist Bastards were put forward. But Peter Couvares had the most uplifting entry, the Anacostia Abolitionists — a perfect name for the historic home of Frederick Douglass — which Mayor Anthony Williams would surely raze to the ground if it meant extra stadium parking.

3 — Best Funny Name

Loved the thought of the Washington Consensus, the Lesser Evils, the Freedom Fries, the DC LeGrees, the Ashcroftettes, the Caligulas, the Slumlords, the Horde (“named after the Mongols, the last bunch of Barbarians to sack Baghdad” — Steve Vinson ) the Capital City Conspirators, and the very popular, Washington Shitheads. The best here has to go to MichaelCeraolo who wrote, “Call them the Washington Irvings. Why? Because you wake up after an extended nap and find that the crappy baseball in your town hasn’t changed.”

4 — Best Angry Name from a Candian

There are a lot of angry Canadian Baseball fans out there pissed at losing their Expos. (This is surprising given that there were more empty seats at Montrealís Olympic stadium this year than a Promise Keepers rally in Harlem.) These folks wanted to name the team The Washington Montreal Expos, or the Expose. The best was once again from Jeff Shaw who thought of a brilliant way to piss off both Baltimore Orioles owner Peter Angelos and DC Mayor Tony Williams in one fell swoop: Just call them The Exporioles.

But we do have an overall winner of a t-shirt with our new name for the D.C. baseball team. This goes to an entry that cuts to the heart here in this swampland of colonial graft. The winner is Andrew Grice with his name, “The D.C. Denied.” As he wrote in with his selection, “Say it a few times. The D.C. Denied. Denied statehood, real home rule, and real political representation.” It also works because even though an overwhelming majority of DC residents do not want a publicly funded $440 million stadium (70% according to an SEIU sponsored poll) we have been denied a say in this process. But that is beginning to shift. As Anacostia resident Frederick Douglass put it, “Power concedes nothing without a demand.” Rumblings of a demand to cease this stadium swindle are catching wind in the DC streets and Mayor Williams is quivering more than Bill OíReilly at a N.O.W. convention. We will be heard

As Patrick Wilkison wrote in, “I do not think you can insult these people enough so that they notice. THE TEAM is not the issue but real estate speculation and land relationships as a whole…Maybe we have to take a few bats to the right balls.”

Batter Up.

DAVE ZIRIN has a book coming out, What’s My Name, Fool: sports and resistance in the United States (Haymarket Books) comes out in spring 2005. To have his column sent to you every week, just e-mail edgeofsports-subscribe@zirin.com.

Contact the author at editor@pgpost.com

 

More articles by:

DAVE ZIRIN is the author of A People’s History of Sports in the United States (The New Press) Contact him at edgeofsports@gmail.com.

Weekend Edition
November 16, 2018
Friday - Sunday
Jonah Raskin
A California Jew in a Time of Anti-Semitism
Andrew Levine
Whither the Melting Pot?
Joshua Frank
Climate Change and Wildfires: The New Western Travesty
Nick Pemberton
The Revolution’s Here, Please Excuse Me While I Laugh
T.J. Coles
Israel Cannot Use Violent Self-Defense While Occupying Gaza
Rob Urie
Nuclear Weapons are a Nightmare Made in America
Paul Street
Barack von Obamenburg, Herr Donald, and Big Capitalist Hypocrisy: On How Fascism Happens
Jeffrey St. Clair
Roaming Charges: Fire is Sweeping Our Very Streets Today
Aidan O'Brien
Ireland’s New President, Other European Fools and the Abyss 
Pete Dolack
“Winners” in Amazon Sweepstakes Sure to be the Losers
Richard Eskow
Amazon, Go Home! Billions for Working People, But Not One Cent For Tribute
Ramzy Baroud
In Breach of Human Rights, Netanyahu Supports the Death Penalty against Palestinians
Brian Terrell
Ending the War in Yemen- Congressional Resolution is Not Enough!
John Laforge
Woolsey Fire Burns Toxic Santa Susana Reactor Site
Ralph Nader
The War Over Words: Republicans Easily Defeat the Democrats
M. G. Piety
Reading Plato in the Time of the Oligarchs
Rafael Correa
Ecuador’s Soft Coup and Political Persecution
Brian Cloughley
Aid Projects Can Work, But Not “Head-Smacking Stupid Ones”
David Swanson
A Tale of Two Marines
Robert Fantina
Democrats and the Mid-Term Elections
Joseph Flatley
The Fascist Creep: How Conspiracy Theories and an Unhinged President Created an Anti-Semitic Terrorist
Joseph Natoli
Twitter: Fast Track to the Id
William Hawes
Baselines for Activism: Brecht’s Stance, the New Science, and Planting Seeds
Bob Wing
Toward Racial Justice and a Third Reconstruction
Ron Jacobs
Hunter S. Thompson: Chronicling the Republic’s Fall
Oscar Gonzalez
Stan Lee and a Barrio Kid
Jack Rasmus
Election 2018 and the Unraveling of America
Sam Pizzigati
The Democrats Won Big, But Will They Go Bold?
Yves Engler
Canada and Saudi Arabia: Friends or Enemies?
Cesar Chelala
Can El Paso be a Model for Healing?
Mike Ferner
The Tragically Misnamed Paris Peace Conference
Barry Lando
Trump’s Enablers: Appalling Parallels
Ariel Dorfman
The Boy Who Taught Me About War and Peace
Binoy Kampmark
The Disgruntled Former Prime Minister
Faisal Khan
Is Dubai Really a Destination of Choice?
Arnold August
The Importance of Néstor García Iturbe, Cuban Intellectual
James Munson
An Indecisive War To End All Wars, I Mean the Midterm Elections
Nyla Ali Khan
Women as Repositories of Communal Values and Cultural Traditions
Dan Bacher
Judge Orders Moratorium on Offshore Fracking in Federal Waters off California
Christopher Brauchli
When Depravity Wins
Robby Sherwin
Here’s an Idea
Susan Block
Cucks, Cuckolding and Campaign Management
Louis Proyect
The Mafia and the Class Struggle (Part Two)
David Yearsley
Smoke on the Water: Jazz in San Francisco
Elliot Sperber
All of Those Bezos
FacebookTwitterGoogle+RedditEmail