1. According to Leviticus 10:10 which of the following is an abomination?
a. Homosexuality.
b. Reading the editorial pages of the Santa Rosa Press Democrat.
c. Cannibalization.
d. Eating shellfish.
2. According to I Samuel 5:9-12 what happened to the Philistines who stole the Ark of the Covenant?
a. They were smitten with hemorrhoids.
b. They were made to return it.
c. They opened it and the terrible sight of it killed them.
d. They were forgiven.
3. According to Matthew 15:4 what is the punishment for cursing your father or mother?
a. Washing your mouth out with soap.
b. Three strokes of the lash.
c. Cutting out of the tongue.
d. Death.
4. According to Genesis 19:30-38 what happened to the righteous Lot when he went to Mount Zoar?
a. He dug his own grave.
b. His daughters got him drunk and had sex with him.
c. He saw the face of God.
d. He found the buried tablets which had been brought down from the mountain top by Moses.
5. According to Exodus 33:17-23 Moses could not see God’s face. What body part did God say Moses could see?
a. God’s “back parts”
b. God’s feet.
c. God’s knees.
d. God’s ear.
6. According to Joshua 5:3 what did Joshua do with the sharp knives he made?
a. Cleaved sinners from their sins.
b. Cleaned the fish for the feast.
c. Circumcised the children of Israel at the hill of the foreskins.
d. Cut the umbilical cords for all the newborns of the world.
7. According to I Kings 14:10 who is to be cut off from Jeroboam?
a. He that showeth disrespect to his father.
b. He that turneth away from the Lord.
c. Him that pisseth against the wall.
d. Him that doth not pay his debts.
8. According to Deuteronomy 28:27 what is the punishment for sin?
a. Hell.
b. Death.
c. Three strokes of the lash.
d. Hemorrhoids.
9. According to Matthew 19:12 there are three types of eunuchs. First is men who are born eunuchs. Second is men who became eunuchs as they matured. What is the third type?
a. Eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven’s sake.
b. Eunuchs who got married without God’s permission.
c. Eunuchs who were improperly nailed to a cross.
d. Eunuchs who caught a disease.
10. According to Deuteronomy 21:18-21, what should parents do to stubborn boys?
a. They should be sent to a boarding school.
b. They should be sold into slavery.
c. They should be grounded for two weeks.
d. They should be brought to the city gates and executed by stoning.
11. According to Exodus 21:7 what happens if a man sells his daughter as a maidservant?
a. She shall not go out as the menservants do.
b. He (the man) shall be stoned in the town square.
c. She shall be freed by the new owner after a year of service.
d. She must marry the man to whom she has been sold.
12. According to Exodus 35:2 what is the penalty for working on the Sabbath?
a. Any earnings should be donated unto the Lord.
b. Seven Hail Marys.
c. Three strikes of the lash.
d. Death.
13. According to Leviticus 25:44 & 45, what types of people should bought as male and female slaves (“bondsmen and bondswomen”)?
a. The heathen that are round about you.
b. The enemies that your army conquers.
c. Debtors.
d. Orphans.
14. According to Leviticus 20:20 what prevents you from approaching the altar of God?
a. Blindness.
b. A life of sin.
c. Paralysis.
d. Refusal to accept the Lord as your personal savior.
15. According to Luke 19:27 what does Jesus say you should do to enemies who do not allow Jesus to reign over them?
a. “Bring them hither, and slay them before me.”
b. “Love them as you love your neighbors.”
c. “Forgive them.”
d. “Conquer them and force them into a life of righteousness.”
16. According to Genesis 38:1-10 what happened to Onan after he “spilled his seed onto the ground” so as not to impregnate his brother’s wife?
a. The lord killed him.
b. He was ordered to mop it up and use it at a later time.
c. He was castrated.
d. He was told never to touch his sister-in-law again.
17. According to Leviticus 1:9 what happens when you burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice?
a. It creates a pleasing odor for the Lord.
b. A feast is offered unto the multitude.
c. It should be salted and stored for winter consumption.
d. You have overcooked it.
18. According to Leviticus 15:19 what should happen when a woman menstruates?
a. She shall be put apart seven days.
b. She shall be immediately made clean.
c. Her husband shall not touch her.
d. She shall replace her clothing with clean clothing.
19. According to Matthew 10:34, “Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I come not to send peace…
a. … But a sword.”
b. … But to ensure peace.”
c. … But salvation.”
d. … But revenge.”
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Answers: 1-d, 2-a, 3-d, 4-b, 5-a ((It sounds like God mooned Moses), 6-c, 7-c, 8-d (Also “scab and itch”), 9-a (Is the Bible saying you men should castrate themselves for the Lord? If so, the bible’s not as sexist as some female critics imply.), 10-d, 11-a, 12-d, 13-a, 14-a, 15-a, 16-a, 17-a, 18-a, 19-a.
MARK SCARAMELLA is the managing editor of the Anderson Valley Advertiser. He can be reached at: themaj@pacific.net
