I heard that God has told Pat Robertson George W. Bush will be elected President in 2004. (See footnote #1.) This certainly blows Al Gore’s endorsement of Howard Dean out of the water.
I am sorry to have missed the 700 Club show that aired on Friday Jan. 2, 2004. Pat Robertson and Jerry Falwell have been working pretty hard to live up to the high standards of religious zealotry and freak show hustle pioneered by Jim and Tammy Fay Bakker. I still don’t think Pat and Jerry are nearly as funny or as visual.
Nevertheless, I am delighted to hear this news. I am certainly glad that Pat was so prompt with this revelation from the Almighty. I was about to send my second campaign contribution to Howard Dean. Now that I know the outcome, I can save my money.
I can hardly believe it: God endorses George W. Bush! Imagine: the Supreme Creator has seen fit to come down to this insignificant little mud spot in the midst of billions and billions of galaxies to once again intervene on behalf of a corrupt and sinful bunch of ingrates to make His will known to His humble servant, Pat Robertson. Praise be to Pat.
According to my reading of history, this has not happened since the Divine Right of Kings in Europe…old Europe. Just imagine how embarrassed the rationalists and the empiricists of The Enlightenment (not to mention Jefferson and Franklin) would be if they knew that God would one day come down and smite the unbelievers, the secular humanists, the Democrats, the democrats, the fornicators and those of little faith.
Now that Pat has shown us the way, we can stop wasting a lot of time fighting the administration policies and get off the campaign trail. We don’t even need to be upset at George’s lies, deceits, blunders and his retributions against those who criticize him. All Bush has to do to win is keep up his daily prayers to his God and his God will protect him and smite his enemies.
Think of it: those of us who continue to remain disloyal to our fearless leader are no longer just unpatriotic, we are now ungodly. I suppose this would make the Democrats not only pro-Saddam but pro-Satan.
Once in every generation a true prophet moves in our midst and calls the powerful Godless hypocrites (the left) to account for their sins. I’m sure Pat Robertson must be such a man. Like John the Baptist of yore, God has chosen humble Pat to point the way to the true savior of our political system. George W. Bush is certainly the most Godly of all the candidates. Has any other candidate claimed to have actually talked to God the way our anointed leader has? (See footnote #2.) Has any other statesman had the courage to stand up to the homosexuals, the pagans and the abortionist’s holocaust? What Democrat questions the atheistic scientists who would have us force the theory of evolution down the throats of innocent school children, or have us accept the heresy of Global Warming.
This divine intervention in the otherwise insipid life of George W. Bush explains a lot of things, everything from the seemingly supernatural events surrounding his “election” to the way he was able to turn the apparently tragic events surrounding 9-11 into the greatest personal and political triumph in United States history. It is certainly enough to make an old atheist like myself think twice before committing a sin against the state or against this God-anointed leader.
I suppose this means that God will also be helping John Ashcroft in his efforts to protect us from our selves. Just think how much an all powerful, all seeing God could help the CIA and the FBI root out terrorists, tax cheats, those who don’t pay their library fines or those with impure thoughts. The implications are mind-boggling! This is a wake up call and a clarion blast to a complacent, stiff-necked people: This nation cannot stand, Pat!
BOB BOLDT can be reached at: firstname.lastname@example.org
(Footnote #1) Pat Robertson: God told me Bush will win Associated Press Jan. 2, 2004 12:43 PM NORFOLK, Va.–Religious broadcaster Pat Robertson said Friday he believes God has told him President Bush will be re-elected (sic) in a “blowout” in November. “I think George Bush is going to win in a walk,” Robertson said on his “700 Club” program on the Virginia Beach-based Christian Broadcasting Network, which he founded. “I really believe I’m hearing from the Lord it’s going to be like a blowout election in 2004. It’s shaping up that way.” Robertson told viewers he spent several days in prayer at the end of 2003. “The Lord has just blessed him,” Robertson said of Bush. “I mean, he could make terrible mistakes and comes out of it. It doesn’t make any difference what he does, good or bad, God picks him up because he’s a man of prayer and God’s blessing him.”
(Footnote #2) The Haaretz reporter, Arnon Regular reported that Palestinian Authority Prime Minister Abu Mazen, said that, when they met in Aqaba, President Bush had told him this: ” God told me to strike at al Qaeda and I struck them, and then he instructed me to strike at Saddam [ Hussein], which I did, and now I am determined to solve the problem in the Middle East. If you help me I will act, and if not, the elections will come and I will have to focus on them.”