FacebookTwitterGoogle+RedditEmail

The Top 10 Most Overrated Athletes of All Time

Note from Dennis Hans: I’d like to wish the Rushman well as he attempts to kick his addiction to painkillers. The following article is based on an imaginary conversation Rush and I had two weeks before he publicly acknowledged his problem. Without further adieu, here’s Rush:

A few weeks ago, I enlightened ESPN viewers about the consistent mediocrity of the Philadelphia Eagles’ Donovan McNabb, who for years has been ridiculously overrated by a liberal sports media desperate to sing the praises of a black quarterback. My comments elicited millions of requests from adoring dittoheads to apply my vast, 100-percent-accurate knowledge and unrivaled analytical skills to the entire sporting spectrum and expose all the others who, for a myriad of reasons, are overpraised and overrated.

On the theory that 50 million dittoheads can’t be wrong, it is with considerable pride that I present “Rush Limbaugh’s Top-Ten Overrated Athletes of All Time.”

10. Dennis Rodman. The sexaholic cross-dresser so freaked out his opponents that they were afraid to touch him. If you’re afraid to touch him, if you won’t aggressively jockey for position, you can’t keep him off the boards. But I have to ask myself, If I were in the NBA, would I back MY butt into Dennis Rodman? The obvious answer explains why this Madonna-loving mediocrity won more rebounding titles than any player in NBA history.

9. Annika Sorenstam. My friend, do you know what kind of system Sweden runs? Socialist. Whereas young American golfers develop their games as rugged individualists in a survival-of-the-fittest capitalist system, little Annika got free lunches and free lessons at the state-run Stockholm Golf Uhu?den -“Uhu?den” being Swedish for “Academy.” Tiger Woods’ golfing achievements are his own; Annika’s are the product of the same soul-less socialist bureaucracy that produced Hans Blix.

8. O.J. Simpson. It took us a while, but we finally figured out how this slowpoke managed to knife his way through defenses on his way to 70-yard touchdown jaunts: Defenders instinctively knew better than to do anything – such as make a tackle – that would land them on the bad side of this homicidal-maniac-in-waiting.

7. Babe Diedrickson Zaharias. Ribald humor and rough-and-tumble lockerroom ways gave this she-man an unfair advantage over her feminine-and-fearful competition. Whether the sport was track, field, softball or golf, the Babe’s butchy gamesmanship propelled her to victories she didn’t deserve.

6. Jim Thorpe. Every last one of this injun’s achievements is tainted by his reliance on performance-enhancing fire water.

5. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. This journeyman center is in the NBA Hall of Fame for one reason only: the bias of the Muslim-loving NBA writers and announcers who vote on Hall nominees.

4. Pel?. What is it with these egomaniacal Brazilian soccer players who think they’re so special that a single name will suffice? Even in his prime Pel? was all style and no substance, not unlike that other overrated one-namer we know as “Cher.” In the entire history of the universe, only four have shone so bright as to merit the ultimate star treatment a single name implies: rock’n’roll’s Elvis, baseball’s Babe, Heaven’s God and radio’s Rush.

3. Muhammad Ali. If there’s one thing I can’t stand, it’s a blowhard. First he seduced the boxing judges with his dime-store “Float like a butterfly/Sting like a bee” poetry. Then he won over the radical-left boxing media with his pro-Vietcong propaganda. Ali’s “The Greatest” all right: the greatest self-promoter who couldn’t punch his way out of a wet paper bag.

2. Serena Williams. Well la-di-da. If you hit the ball harder than everyone else, and you cover more territory than everyone else, and you’ve got all the shots, you SHOULD be better than everyone else. Why does the media shower praise on Serena for winning SOME of the tournaments when, with her ability, she should win ALL of them? She’s the penultimate overrated underachiever.

1. Jackie Robinson. Everybody makes a big deal about him integrating the Major Leagues. What about my great uncle, Kennesaw Limbaugh, the brainy backup catcher who in 1938 integrated the Negro Leagues? Do you have any idea how tough he had it, forced to dine and sleep alone in the best hotels on the ritzy side of town? Robinson had so many adoring fans across our good-hearted land that every game was like a home game. Also, opposing pitchers were so fearful of being branded bigots that they didn’t throw the hard, inside stuff to Robinson they hurled at his Dodger teammates, making Robinson the first beneficiary of the ugly reverse discrimination we euphemistically call “Affirmative Action.”

Dennis Hans pens essays both straight and bent on a variety of topics, including sports. He can be reached at HANS_D@popmail.firn.edu.

More articles by:
September 19, 2018
Bruce E. Levine
When Bernie Sold Out His Hero, Anti-Authoritarians Paid
Lawrence Davidson
Political Fragmentation on the Homefront
George Ochenski
How’s That “Chinese Hoax” Treating You, Mr. President?
Cesar Chelala
The Afghan Morass
Chris Wright
Three Cheers for the Decline of the Middle Class
Howard Lisnoff
The Beat Goes On Against Protest in Saudi Arabia
Nomi Prins 
The Donald in Wonderland: Down the Financial Rabbit Hole With Trump
Jack Rasmus
On the 10th Anniversary of Lehman Brothers 2008: Can ‘IT’ Happen Again?
Richard Schuberth
Make Them Suffer Too
Geoff Beckman
Kavanaugh in Extremis
Jonathan Engel
Rather Than Mining in Irreplaceable Wilderness, Why Can’t We Mine Landfills?
Binoy Kampmark
Needled Strawberries: Food Terrorism Down Under
Michael McCaffrey
A Curious Case of Mysterious Attacks, Microwave Weapons and Media Manipulation
Elliot Sperber
Eating the Constitution
September 18, 2018
Conn Hallinan
Britain: the Anti-Semitism Debate
Tamara Pearson
Why Mexico’s Next President is No Friend of Migrants
Richard Moser
Both the Commune and Revolution
Nick Pemberton
Serena 15, Tennis Love
Binoy Kampmark
Inconvenient Realities: Climate Change and the South Pacific
Martin Billheimer
La Grand’Route: Waiting for the Bus
John Kendall Hawkins
Seymour Hersh: a Life of Adversarial Democracy at Work
Faisal Khan
Is Israel a Democracy?
John Feffer
The GOP Wants Trumpism…Without Trump
Kim Ives
The Roots of Haiti’s Movement for PetroCaribe Transparency
Dave Lindorff
We Already Have a Fake Billionaire President; Why Would We want a Real One Running in 2020?
Gerry Brown
Is China Springing Debt Traps or Throwing a Lifeline to Countries in Distress?
Pete Tucker
The Washington Post Really Wants to Stop Ben Jealous
Dean Baker
Getting It Wrong Again: Consumer Spending and the Great Recession
September 17, 2018
Melvin Goodman
What is to be Done?
Rob Urie
American Fascism
Patrick Cockburn
The Adults in the White House Trying to Save the US From Trump Are Just as Dangerous as He Is
Jeffrey St. Clair - Alexander Cockburn
The Long Fall of Bob Woodward: From Nixon’s Nemesis to Cheney’s Savior
Mairead Maguire
Demonization of Russia in a New Cold War Era
Dean Baker
The Bank Bailout of 2008 was Unnecessary
Wim Laven
Hurricane Trump, Season 2
Yves Engler
Smearing Dimitri Lascaris
Ron Jacobs
From ROTC to Revolution and Beyond
Clark T. Scott
The Cannibals of Horsepower
Binoy Kampmark
A Traditional Right: Jimmie Åkesson and the Sweden Democrats
Laura Flanders
History Markers
Weekend Edition
September 14, 2018
Friday - Sunday
Carl Boggs
Obama’s Imperial Presidency
Joshua Frank
From CO2 to Methane, Trump’s Hurricane of Destruction
Jeffrey St. Clair
Maria’s Missing Dead
Andrew Levine
A Bulwark Against the Idiocy of Conservatives Like Brett Kavanaugh
T.J. Coles
Neil deGrasse Tyson: A Celebrity Salesman for the Military-Industrial-Complex
FacebookTwitterGoogle+RedditEmail