FacebookTwitterGoogle+RedditEmail

The Top 10 Most Overrated Athletes of All Time

Note from Dennis Hans: I’d like to wish the Rushman well as he attempts to kick his addiction to painkillers. The following article is based on an imaginary conversation Rush and I had two weeks before he publicly acknowledged his problem. Without further adieu, here’s Rush:

A few weeks ago, I enlightened ESPN viewers about the consistent mediocrity of the Philadelphia Eagles’ Donovan McNabb, who for years has been ridiculously overrated by a liberal sports media desperate to sing the praises of a black quarterback. My comments elicited millions of requests from adoring dittoheads to apply my vast, 100-percent-accurate knowledge and unrivaled analytical skills to the entire sporting spectrum and expose all the others who, for a myriad of reasons, are overpraised and overrated.

On the theory that 50 million dittoheads can’t be wrong, it is with considerable pride that I present “Rush Limbaugh’s Top-Ten Overrated Athletes of All Time.”

10. Dennis Rodman. The sexaholic cross-dresser so freaked out his opponents that they were afraid to touch him. If you’re afraid to touch him, if you won’t aggressively jockey for position, you can’t keep him off the boards. But I have to ask myself, If I were in the NBA, would I back MY butt into Dennis Rodman? The obvious answer explains why this Madonna-loving mediocrity won more rebounding titles than any player in NBA history.

9. Annika Sorenstam. My friend, do you know what kind of system Sweden runs? Socialist. Whereas young American golfers develop their games as rugged individualists in a survival-of-the-fittest capitalist system, little Annika got free lunches and free lessons at the state-run Stockholm Golf Uhu?den -“Uhu?den” being Swedish for “Academy.” Tiger Woods’ golfing achievements are his own; Annika’s are the product of the same soul-less socialist bureaucracy that produced Hans Blix.

8. O.J. Simpson. It took us a while, but we finally figured out how this slowpoke managed to knife his way through defenses on his way to 70-yard touchdown jaunts: Defenders instinctively knew better than to do anything – such as make a tackle – that would land them on the bad side of this homicidal-maniac-in-waiting.

7. Babe Diedrickson Zaharias. Ribald humor and rough-and-tumble lockerroom ways gave this she-man an unfair advantage over her feminine-and-fearful competition. Whether the sport was track, field, softball or golf, the Babe’s butchy gamesmanship propelled her to victories she didn’t deserve.

6. Jim Thorpe. Every last one of this injun’s achievements is tainted by his reliance on performance-enhancing fire water.

5. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. This journeyman center is in the NBA Hall of Fame for one reason only: the bias of the Muslim-loving NBA writers and announcers who vote on Hall nominees.

4. Pel?. What is it with these egomaniacal Brazilian soccer players who think they’re so special that a single name will suffice? Even in his prime Pel? was all style and no substance, not unlike that other overrated one-namer we know as “Cher.” In the entire history of the universe, only four have shone so bright as to merit the ultimate star treatment a single name implies: rock’n’roll’s Elvis, baseball’s Babe, Heaven’s God and radio’s Rush.

3. Muhammad Ali. If there’s one thing I can’t stand, it’s a blowhard. First he seduced the boxing judges with his dime-store “Float like a butterfly/Sting like a bee” poetry. Then he won over the radical-left boxing media with his pro-Vietcong propaganda. Ali’s “The Greatest” all right: the greatest self-promoter who couldn’t punch his way out of a wet paper bag.

2. Serena Williams. Well la-di-da. If you hit the ball harder than everyone else, and you cover more territory than everyone else, and you’ve got all the shots, you SHOULD be better than everyone else. Why does the media shower praise on Serena for winning SOME of the tournaments when, with her ability, she should win ALL of them? She’s the penultimate overrated underachiever.

1. Jackie Robinson. Everybody makes a big deal about him integrating the Major Leagues. What about my great uncle, Kennesaw Limbaugh, the brainy backup catcher who in 1938 integrated the Negro Leagues? Do you have any idea how tough he had it, forced to dine and sleep alone in the best hotels on the ritzy side of town? Robinson had so many adoring fans across our good-hearted land that every game was like a home game. Also, opposing pitchers were so fearful of being branded bigots that they didn’t throw the hard, inside stuff to Robinson they hurled at his Dodger teammates, making Robinson the first beneficiary of the ugly reverse discrimination we euphemistically call “Affirmative Action.”

Dennis Hans pens essays both straight and bent on a variety of topics, including sports. He can be reached at HANS_D@popmail.firn.edu.

More articles by:

Weekend Edition
November 16, 2018
Friday - Sunday
Jonah Raskin
A California Jew in a Time of Anti-Semitism
Andrew Levine
Whither the Melting Pot?
Joshua Frank
Climate Change and Wildfires: The New Western Travesty
Nick Pemberton
The Revolution’s Here, Please Excuse Me While I Laugh
T.J. Coles
Israel Cannot Use Violent Self-Defense While Occupying Gaza
Rob Urie
Nuclear Weapons are a Nightmare Made in America
Paul Street
Barack von Obamenburg, Herr Donald, and Big Capitalist Hypocrisy: On How Fascism Happens
Jeffrey St. Clair
Roaming Charges: Fire is Sweeping Our Very Streets Today
Aidan O'Brien
Ireland’s New President, Other European Fools and the Abyss 
Pete Dolack
“Winners” in Amazon Sweepstakes Sure to be the Losers
Richard Eskow
Amazon, Go Home! Billions for Working People, But Not One Cent For Tribute
Ramzy Baroud
In Breach of Human Rights, Netanyahu Supports the Death Penalty against Palestinians
Brian Terrell
Ending the War in Yemen- Congressional Resolution is Not Enough!
John Laforge
Woolsey Fire Burns Toxic Santa Susana Reactor Site
Ralph Nader
The War Over Words: Republicans Easily Defeat the Democrats
M. G. Piety
Reading Plato in the Time of the Oligarchs
Rafael Correa
Ecuador’s Soft Coup and Political Persecution
Brian Cloughley
Aid Projects Can Work, But Not “Head-Smacking Stupid Ones”
David Swanson
A Tale of Two Marines
Robert Fantina
Democrats and the Mid-Term Elections
Joseph Flatley
The Fascist Creep: How Conspiracy Theories and an Unhinged President Created an Anti-Semitic Terrorist
Joseph Natoli
Twitter: Fast Track to the Id
William Hawes
Baselines for Activism: Brecht’s Stance, the New Science, and Planting Seeds
Bob Wing
Toward Racial Justice and a Third Reconstruction
Ron Jacobs
Hunter S. Thompson: Chronicling the Republic’s Fall
Oscar Gonzalez
Stan Lee and a Barrio Kid
Jack Rasmus
Election 2018 and the Unraveling of America
Sam Pizzigati
The Democrats Won Big, But Will They Go Bold?
Yves Engler
Canada and Saudi Arabia: Friends or Enemies?
Cesar Chelala
Can El Paso be a Model for Healing?
Mike Ferner
The Tragically Misnamed Paris Peace Conference
Barry Lando
Trump’s Enablers: Appalling Parallels
Ariel Dorfman
The Boy Who Taught Me About War and Peace
Binoy Kampmark
The Disgruntled Former Prime Minister
Faisal Khan
Is Dubai Really a Destination of Choice?
Arnold August
The Importance of Néstor García Iturbe, Cuban Intellectual
James Munson
An Indecisive War To End All Wars, I Mean the Midterm Elections
Nyla Ali Khan
Women as Repositories of Communal Values and Cultural Traditions
Dan Bacher
Judge Orders Moratorium on Offshore Fracking in Federal Waters off California
Christopher Brauchli
When Depravity Wins
Robby Sherwin
Here’s an Idea
Susan Block
Cucks, Cuckolding and Campaign Management
Louis Proyect
The Mafia and the Class Struggle (Part Two)
David Yearsley
Smoke on the Water: Jazz in San Francisco
Elliot Sperber
All of Those Bezos
FacebookTwitterGoogle+RedditEmail