FacebookTwitterGoogle+RedditEmail

Video Judas Video

My wife and I were playing cards with four old friends (CAUTION #1: Old friends should be remembered as they were; seen in memory, but not heard; like nudie photographs of old lovers, NOT to be revisited except in moments of utmost nostalgia/despair) and this one woman was losing pretty bad, Sore Loser, I’ll call her though I’d rather call her something else–in fact, that’s what I will call her, “Something Else.” I guess some of us were ragging on Something Else — you know how nasty old friends in their cups can be. I was just trying to lose, so I could go home.

Unfortunately, my wife was doing okay, and anyway she wouldn’t just up and leave because she suddenly decided she hated the company she was keeping. Just not that type. So, Something Else was losing and some of us were needling her and she said, “Fine. That’s okay. I make twice as much money as anyone here,” and I thought of those portraits of Jesus and the Apostles and imagined a cartoon bubble over Judas Iscariot with the words “Fine. That’s okay. I make twice as money as anyone here.”

I would have said something appropriately nasty to Something Else, but since I probably made half as much money as anyone there–if that–I had no ground to stand on, no VALUE beyond the dwindling pile of chips beside my folded hand.

Once the game was over, the whole gang, or a “democratic majority,” decided to do something cultural. So we parked ourselves in the “TV Room.” Can you imagine? Not the kids’ room or the parents’ room or even the dog’s room; it’s the TV’s room; that 50-something inch box lived better than most people on this earth–and rent free!

What was on TV? Everything about nothing, and folks selling a lot of nothing nobody needs to everyone. But that’s irrelevant, I assume. The designated Channel Zapper–our host, of course–finally stopped at one of the five hundred blind destinations–really I didn’t care if he stopped on the Lawrence Welk show. I hate that channel surfing shit it bugs me out I’m sorry I’m just an anxious guy and there’s only so many Xanax the body can withstand with out turning to aspic.

It was the Snoop Channel or the Snitch Channel or the USA/PATRIOT GOTCHA channel, I forget. This particular show was called the “Most Outrageous, Embarrassing Shit Caught On Video.” Whatever.

Just Plain Old Folks all over this great land indulging in chemically induced monkey-shines: college “kids” fucking on the beach after a drinking bout (Spring Break orgy shades of Dionysus–or Rome)–and getting busted; a Bride fondling the Best Man as The Groom is walking down a bush-lined path not twenty yards away–and getting busted; roommates picking their noses and peeing on their roomie’s bed–and getting busted; a chartered plane full of decadent party goers the women submitting to a wet t-shirt contest in mid-fight and the pilots obliging–and getting busted; a bunch of cafeteria workers stoned probably hanging out showing some T and A–and getting busted; and a bunch of other assholes videoed doing more or less harmless stuff and the videos unnecessarily handed over to THE AUTHORITIES (after all, that’s the moral imperative of video stalkers/snitches, isn’t it? hand the evidence over to THE AUTHORITIES like good little rats).

It was ever so embarrassing for me to be human, watching this show, but the rest of our little group were laughing so hard I thought they’d piss their pants–which could have been dangerous if one of us had a video cam and decided to hand the tape over to THE AUTHORITIES or the Snitch Channel (somehow they’re not one and the same, but it’s never explained how).

Of course the scenes of “regular folks” doing stupid embarrassing stuff segued into the cops busting people for doing not necessarily stupid, but “irregular” stuff ( a man, dressed in expensive women’s clothing, driving a rusty, old convertible), the narrator’s voice-over telling us “and if there’s one bunch of guys who KNOW ALL ABOUT OUTRAGEOUS BEHAVIOR it’s the police” and something started to click of course (workers in some nightmare cafeteria kitchen job getting snooped on and sacked for kidding around, trying to add a few minutes of — red alert!–amusement to their nightmare jobs? what gives?), but the wheels weren’t grinding full speed–damn sedatives!–and my wife was quicker to the draw.

“So that’s what these shows are about,” said she.

“What?” I asked, after a pause, since the rest of our gang of merry-makers were too agog at the sex and violence based humiliations to answer (of course they never showed any real T and A or genitalia, it was all blurred out, but you got the overall “idea,” and of course the faces were quite clear). “Assholes doing ridiculous shit so we can feel superior?”

“No,” she said. “Surveillance. It’s not about these morons exposing themselves–half of them don’t even know they’re on camera, or don’t think the videos will cause them trouble. It’s about not having any privacy anywhere, ever. I saw one of these shows before and the first thing I felt afterwards was not embarrassment for those women who degrade themselves, or even repulsion at the freaky men, but ‘this could be me.’ This isn’t such weird stuff they’re doing. Some of these people are just getting caught peeing in the woods or having sex in a “forbidden” zone. Trying to be human and have fun, basically. The thing I think about when I come away from these shows is that they’re trying to tell us ‘we’re everywhere; you can’t hide; you are always being watched.'”

Yeah. Shit, yeah. I became more than a tad paranoid. What hidden gadgets did these “old friends” of mine have socked away in their seemingly innocuous TV Room? Was the television ITSELF recording me? And if so, was my fly unzipped?

“See, look,” my wife said, pointing to the EMBARRASSING and OUTRAGEOUS moment when a guy tries using a mirror to look under a girl’s skirt but gets nailed by the security guards, who of course handed the video over to THE AUTHORITIES, which in this case happened to be the Fink Channel. “They’ll make me think I should be sympathizing with the woman, and I do, that guy with the mirror’s a creep, but the real message is that NOBODY can get away with anything ever. We’re always on camera.”

“Oh, are you two at it again?” said Something Else, who had as much money as Judas Iscariot but probably not as much as Pontius Pilot. “We’re trying to have fun here. Can’t you just lighten up?”

By then my synapses were juiced enough by my wife’s astute observation to overcome the Xanax haze, and I was able to make small but significant connections between Something Else, Judas Iscariot, and the evening’s after-poker entertainment in the TV Room:

FINK. RAT. STOOL PIGEON. TIPS. SQUEALER. TATTLE TALE. AGENT. NARC. 24/7 SURVEILLANCE. PANOPTICON. POLICE STATE. CALL THIS NUMBER NOW! STRICTLY CONFIDENTIAL. VIDEO DIDN’T KILL THE RADIO STAR, IT SOLD HIM OUT TO THE AUTHORITIES.

Excellent book on all this, I remembered. “Snitch Culture,” by Jim Redden (Feral House).

I don’t think I’ll be going out much anymore more, regardless of the company. It’s not safe. You never know who’s watching, or if you’ll end up on TV with your gonads blurred, your face revealed, and your name on someone’s, or perhaps everyone’s, black list.

CAUTION #2: Anyone wielding a recording device–analog or digital–is to be considered armed and extremely dangerous. If Judas had had a camcorder Jesus never even would have had a last supper. They would have bagged him early on for some “outrageous, embarrassing act” like walking on water, resurrecting dead guys, cloning fish…

ADAM ENGEL carries no recording equipment but is something of a Narc himself: when in the midst of Rats, TIPS, Finks, Something Else, etc. he takes notes. One day, these notes might be quite valuable. After all, eventually Robespierre himself lost his head and Mussolini wound up hanging upside down dead like a stuck pig. If you suspect Rats in your basement, contact the AH HA! Hotline at bartleby.samsa@verizon.net

More articles by:

Adam Engel is editor of bluddlefilth.org. Submit your soul to bluddlefilth@yahoo.com. Human units, both foreign and domestic, are encouraged to send text, video, graphic, and audio art(ifacts), so long as they’re bluddlefilthy and from The Depths.

September 20, 2018
Michael Hudson
Wasting the Lehman Crisis: What Was Not Saved Was the Economy
John Pilger
Hold the Front Page, the Reporters are Missing
Kenn Orphan
The Power of Language in the Anthropocene
Paul Cox – Stan Cox
Puerto Rico’s Unnatural Disaster Rolls on Into Year Two
Rajan Menon
Yemen’s Descent Into Hell: a Saudi-American War of Terror
Russell Mokhiber
Nick Brana Says Dems Will Again Deny Sanders Presidential Nomination
Nicholas Levis
Three Lessons of Occupy Wall Street, With a Fair Dose of Memory
Steve Martinot
The Constitutionality of Homeless Encampments
Kevin Zeese - Margaret Flowers
The Aftershocks of the Economic Collapse Are Still Being Felt
Jesse Jackson
By Enforcing Climate Change Denial, Trump Puts Us All in Peril
George Wuerthner
Coyote Killing is Counter Productive
Mel Gurtov
On Dealing with China
Dean Baker
How to Reduce Corruption in Medicine: Remove the Money
September 19, 2018
Bruce E. Levine
When Bernie Sold Out His Hero, Anti-Authoritarians Paid
Lawrence Davidson
Political Fragmentation on the Homefront
George Ochenski
How’s That “Chinese Hoax” Treating You, Mr. President?
Cesar Chelala
The Afghan Morass
Chris Wright
Three Cheers for the Decline of the Middle Class
Howard Lisnoff
The Beat Goes On Against Protest in Saudi Arabia
Nomi Prins 
The Donald in Wonderland: Down the Financial Rabbit Hole With Trump
Jack Rasmus
On the 10th Anniversary of Lehman Brothers 2008: Can ‘IT’ Happen Again?
Richard Schuberth
Make Them Suffer Too
Geoff Beckman
Kavanaugh in Extremis
Jonathan Engel
Rather Than Mining in Irreplaceable Wilderness, Why Can’t We Mine Landfills?
Binoy Kampmark
Needled Strawberries: Food Terrorism Down Under
Michael McCaffrey
A Curious Case of Mysterious Attacks, Microwave Weapons and Media Manipulation
Elliot Sperber
Eating the Constitution
September 18, 2018
Conn Hallinan
Britain: the Anti-Semitism Debate
Tamara Pearson
Why Mexico’s Next President is No Friend of Migrants
Richard Moser
Both the Commune and Revolution
Nick Pemberton
Serena 15, Tennis Love
Binoy Kampmark
Inconvenient Realities: Climate Change and the South Pacific
Martin Billheimer
La Grand’Route: Waiting for the Bus
John Kendall Hawkins
Seymour Hersh: a Life of Adversarial Democracy at Work
Faisal Khan
Is Israel a Democracy?
John Feffer
The GOP Wants Trumpism…Without Trump
Kim Ives
The Roots of Haiti’s Movement for PetroCaribe Transparency
Dave Lindorff
We Already Have a Fake Billionaire President; Why Would We want a Real One Running in 2020?
Gerry Brown
Is China Springing Debt Traps or Throwing a Lifeline to Countries in Distress?
Pete Tucker
The Washington Post Really Wants to Stop Ben Jealous
Dean Baker
Getting It Wrong Again: Consumer Spending and the Great Recession
September 17, 2018
Melvin Goodman
What is to be Done?
Rob Urie
American Fascism
Patrick Cockburn
The Adults in the White House Trying to Save the US From Trump Are Just as Dangerous as He Is
Jeffrey St. Clair - Alexander Cockburn
The Long Fall of Bob Woodward: From Nixon’s Nemesis to Cheney’s Savior
FacebookTwitterGoogle+RedditEmail