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Parable of the Lobbyist

by ADAM ENGEL

While loitering in the lobby of the CAPITOL because I had nothing better to do, I was accosted by a Lobbyist.

The Lobbyist pitched the products of Dereliction Deterrent Technologies (DDT) to the Lawmakers, who will have to chose a method of execution concomitant with the values of the CITY.

The Lobbyist addressed me unctuously, earnestly, as if I were a Lawmaker myself.

“DDT has founded itself on termination technologies of the highest order,” said the Lobbyist. “Cities across the Nation are using its methodologies to eliminate viral deviance in a quick, non-threatening, humane way.”

DDT sponsors a program in Universities across the Nation called Termination Concepts that encourages young Citizens to enter the debate as to how to eliminate Viral Deviance (VD) and other scourges that plague our modern democratic society.

Two hallmark products of DDT are the Violent Offender Interruption Device (VOID) and Violent Anti-social Personnel Elimination Resource (VAPER).

“This is a serious and society-minded business,” said the Lobbyist. “Our welfare is at stake. The greatest minds in termination technology work for DDT for the improvement of our Nation’s Cities. Serious business, indeed.”

Such is the technology that VOID can eliminate a societal bug with one quick spray to the face (the can itself is guaranteed 100 or more executions, depending on the size and resilience of the derelict, or the City receives its money back) that will neutralize a Viral Deviant in a matter of seconds, while VAPER uses cutting edge radiation technologies to eliminate a selected VD with one millisecond blast, breaking all blood vessels in the manner of nuclear fallout, but leaving the body clean inside its suit (suits are the suggested outerwear to humanize the VD in the eyes of the squeamish observer; jacket-and-skirt outfits for female VDs), veiling whatever traces of residual ugliness such a death, one of the quickest, most humane deaths in termination technology’s repertoire – no gory pictures or fainting witnesses – might occasionally discharge.

“A cloth mask to cover the face and plugs to prevent blood escaping from eyes nose mouth, and voila, a clean, quick, humane termination!” crowed the Lobbyist.

The Lobbyist’s mission was twofold. One, to promote the various termination technologies devised by DDT, and two, to push for the televising of executions/terminations. The Lobbyist

pointed out that large data sectors in the National Information Pyramid (NIP) suggest the correspondence of low crime rates in cities that have made televised executions a normal part of the city channel’s program offerings.

I could not help but remark that this amounted to nothing less than free television advertisement for DDT.

“Yes, but DDT benefits everyone,” said the Lobbyist. “It exists for the betterment of society, so what could be wrong with advertising its good works? It would be more of a public service

announcement than strict advertising for DDT.”

“But DDT already has a monopoly on termination technologies Nation-wide,” I said.

“Can we help it if we’re the best? In a matter as serious as termination technology, society can afford nothing less than the best, for the safety of its inhabitants and the moral instruction of its young. What’s good for DDT…”

A thriving, safe city is a satisfied customer. DDT provided the ultimate VD solutions, according to the Lobbyist. Results were uploaded daily to NIP.

“This includes technical research as well as statistical results, opinion polls and more,” boasted the Lobbyist. “NIP data, as well as other educational information are available directly from DDT’s site on the Network. As a government contractor for various major cities, DDT has a high privilege

level on NIP and is permitted to share an abundance of data with anyone who takes the time to examine the site, which includes real time videos of some of DDT’s most successful products in action. DDT works closely with city administrators to ensure quality terminations. There have been few botched terminations, less than one-percent of all VD’s processed across the Nation, and these have been given the full attention of DDT’s quality control specialists.

“A city is like a tree. It must grow in fertile earth, under a vibrant sun. Clean, purifying water must nourish it. And fertilizer. But fungus, insects, viruses, must be destroyed immediately, lest they take over the roots and eat into the tree, causing a corruption of the leaves, a rotting of the branches, and destruction of the mighty organism itself. It only takes one germ to spread a plague; it only takes one bug to spark an infestation.”

“So you’re the Nation’s exterminators,” I said.

“We are the Nation’s gardeners,” corrected the Lobbyist.

ADAM ENGEL can be reached in the Garden among his fellow Viral Deviants at bartleby.samsa@verizon.net

 

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Adam Engel is editor of bluddlefilth.org. Submit your soul to bluddlefilth@yahoo.com. Human units, both foreign and domestic, are encouraged to send text, video, graphic, and audio art(ifacts), so long as they’re bluddlefilthy and from The Depths.

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